BF2013: What God is Teaching Me...

I’ve always loved doing Bible studies. My first online Bible study was the book, “Behind Those Eyes” by Lisa Whittle. It was hosted by Lelia Chealey at her Write from the Heart blog page. Lelia is an amazing women and I love her to bits! Her testimony was integral in me walking closely with Jesus again after an 18 year side track! You can find Lelia here. She will bless you no end!
 

Since that study I have completed quite a few others. As a solo mother of a now nine year old daughter, I have found it difficult to secure a home/connect/life group through both the churches I have attended over the last eight years. Online Bible studies have filled that void, and I am ever so thankful for it. Who says that the internet isn’t good for something! Studies I’ve done include Beth Moore, Micca Campbell, Jennifer Rothschild, just to name a few.

 

At the moment I am studying “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God” by Lysa TerKeurst through Proverbs 31 Ministries, and also “Read the Bible for Life” by George H. Guthrie via the Women’s Bible Cafe. While the “Yes to God” study has officially finished online, I am still working through it alongside the “Read the Bible” study as the studies overlapped each other. “Yes to God” is a book/Bible study whereas “Read the Bible” is a more formalised study book. I am thoroughly enjoying doing both studies and find myself eager for my daughter to go to bed each evening so I can sit down at my dining table with a cup of tea and study.

 

What I’ve learnt so far is that God is enough. He will take care of me. And, most importantly, I’m learning that He will only provide what He knows that I need.

As I’ve blogged about many times here, I always thought that I would be complete when I found Mr Right, married, had children and lived happily ever after. Man oh man, was I wrong! I’ve since learnt that Mr Right is Jesus, that I married Mr Wrong and now choose to be single, and that I was pre-destined to be the solo parent to a beautiful daughter. The only part that has come true is that I will be living happily ever after…in eternity with Jesus.

 

It’s a comforting thought. While I once was scared to death at the thought of dying, I now am not. I know that my sins are forgiven and that I will spend eternity in Heaven. While my death may be painful, it may also be painless, and only God knows which. I am ready. And before anyone gets worried…No, I do not have an undisclosed illness (that I am aware of anyway). I’m merely stating that I am at peace with my life and my death. And that is all because of God and the work He has done in me over the last eight years.

 

What I’ve also learnt is that unless you really delve into God’s Word, you really are kidding yourself when it comes to living the life He has planned for you to its fullest!

 

There is SO MUCH to be learned by reading the Bible. And I mean by really reading and studying the Bible and learning the history behind the Jewish people and their customs. By learning about and understanding God through what is written in both testaments.

 

The Bible is an amazing book. It is cram packed with stories, insights and experiences. The sad fact is that many people today see them as just that - stories, not unlike fairy tales. But they are not. There are no fairy tales within the pages of God’s Word. It’s a glorious truth that can set you free. I have only just skimmed the surface of the Bible with my studying. There is so much more to learn.

 

The greatest lesson that God is teaching me through my Bible study is that He is the centre of it all - life, love, experiences, thoughts, actions…just everything really.

 

I still have a lot, and I mean A LOT, to learn from God. And I am so very thankful that I am on this journey and that, through these two latest Bible studies, I am finally aware of, and at peace with, the love that God has for me.

Learning...

The last few weeks have been interesting to say the least. Relationships have ended. Dynamics of relationships have changed. I've changed. I've held onto the people who accept me - crazy and all - for who I am. I've let go of others. I've become very thankful for the ones from afar who, while not here to see the real deal that is my life, choose to stay part of my life despite the ups and downs.

I've learnt a lot about myself, and I've learnt a lot about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

I've learnt of the goodness of the Trinity. The ever present voice that guides me when I don't know where to turn. The comforting embrace of a Father who loves me with no end. My bridegroom Jesus who fills the void inside my heart that is left lacking. The man who died on the cross for me.

I've learnt to refuse to keep going over and over the same thing only to get the same result. I've learnt to let go. I've embraced what may never be (God only knows if it will, anyway!). I've accepted that I need to love God and myself more to truly be whole.

A lot of lessons learnt. A lot of tears cried. A lot of regrets. A lot of new aspects to accept. A lot to be grateful for.

Most importantly I've learnt that while humans let me down, God never will. I may stumble, fall and struggle to get back up, but He is there holding His hand out willing me to move forward and to become the woman He knows me to be.

Learning. It's good for the soul. And so is change.

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Because I Had to Get Up and Preach Today...

"The Lord is good to everyone. He showers his compassion on all his creation."-Psalm 145:9

The biggest mistake we - saved and unsaved - think is that the bad stuff that happens comes from God. It doesn't peeps, as God does NOT know how to be any way or anything but good. God is just good with the extra 'o' taken out. And that 'o' is what you might be saying right now. 'O' as in "is He?". Well yes my friend! He IS good. Who is bad then, you may ask? It's Satan who only has his limited power here on earth to attack is in our human flesh. Be that as it may, painful and all, if we stick close to God in our souls, where God either lives or wants to live, inside us all, Satan cannot win. God loves YOU. He IS good and knows NO bad. Don't ever let life, people or your own thinking tell you any different.

Be blessed,
Paula xo

Has a Year Really Gone By?

Me ... 1972

 Last night I sat in the quiet of my child-free house eating mini Oreos and thinking that I should really just go to bed. But then I started thinking about my birthday, which happens next week.  Am I really going to be 41?  Forty-one ... even saying it sounds weird.  Me ... Paula Whitehouse ... 41?  Yes!

I don't feel that I am grown up enough to be 41.  I don't feel qualified.  But what qualifies me?  How does 41 feel?

I have no answers to these questions, but I do know that I feel like I do because that is how God made me.  My body's aches and pains tell me that I'm getting older.  With every year, I can see my daughter is getting older, thus I am too.  The gray hair that is slowly creeping into my blonde mane tells me I am getting older.  Then why do I still feel timid, shy, insecure ... that others know more than me?

Again, a question that I have no answer to.

I found out today that someone I respected a lot what not who she appeared to be.  Truths came out that told me that she was a fake ... a big fraud, and that I, unknowingly, fell for her charade.  I tweeted about my trusting nature, knowing all the while that God gave me a trusting nature for a reason.  What reason is that?  Again, no answer available here.

So, as I approach my 41st birthday, and as I look in the mirror at the person looking back at me, I wonder what purpose God has for me.  I know I am exactly today where I'm meant to be, but the feeling of there being more is always bubbling at the surface.

A year has gone by since I left my thirties and turned the big four-oh.  I was quite proud to be turning 40.  But 41, well ... it just sounds too grown up for me.

I pray that God will continue to give me answers to the questions I have, and that I will continue to focus on where He wants me to focus and not on what I want.

Click here for some of my thoughts from twelve months ago.

I Just Can’t Keep Going ... or Can I?

Last Saturday was a classic example of taxing myself beyond my limits. I had been given a lawn mower a month or so ago, but due to recovering from a sprained neck I haven’t been able to use it. But I changed that!

At approximately 9am I was outdoors and prepping the mower ... and myself! Aside from a few hiccups with the catcher and too much dense grass in one patch of my lawn for the mower to handle, I did a great job, and so did the mower! Yes, it took a couple of hours but I got it done!

After the lawn mowing I hosed down my back patio and put some laundry on. Then I got to rest in a hot bath and lay down for a little while before helping my daughter wash the car. Or more correctly ... washing the car after the novelty wore off for her!

But I overdid it! The lawn mowing took everything out of me! The sense of accomplishment I gained from doing the lawns boosted my spirits but the pain after was a bit too much to bear. But this is how it is for a me: a single mum and an aches and pains sufferer!

Pushing on. Going on even when you want to stop. Dealing with a daughter who is a social butterfly while only wanting to be a hermit crab. I do often wonder what lessons God has in all this for me!

After Saturday I realise that the lesson is to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n and pace myself. To stop and smell the roses – or in my case, enjoy my 7 year old daughter – and be happy with how things are, even if the lawn looks like silage waiting to be cut and bailed!

Being a single mum, working full-time, living over 2000 kilometres (1370 miles) away from my family, and suffering from physical and mental health issues, I find life a tad difficult at times. But praise be to God that it’s not as difficult as some people experience. If I was not a Christian, and if I didn’t have friends and family living near, I often wonder if I’d be where I am now.

James 1:27 (NIV) talks about how Christians are “... to look after orphans and widows in their distress”. My daughter is not an orphan, but she does not have a father present in our home at all. I am not a widow, but I do not have a partner (and actually feel that I never really have had even in past relationships). And this is why God calls for the church to look after orphans and widows. God’s ideal scenario for children is for them to grow up in a loving home with Christian parents. It doesn’t always happen, as was the case with me, but when it does, it’s beautiful.

So, I can keep going on. I can learn the lessons that God is teaching me. I may make those lessons difficult at times, but it I keep learning and keep pressing on, then life will always get better! That’s what He wants for us anyway!

Always look forward. Always take into account your limitations. Always rely on God!

Do You Cocoon?

I'm reading "Just Walk Across the Room" by Bill Hybels.  It's about "the next era in personal evangelism with a natural, relational approach the follows Jesus' own example". It's an interesting read and one that is challenging me.

In chapter 3 Hybels discusses developing friendships. One point he makes is the observation that a Christian can, after being saved and a member of a church for a time, lose contact with non-Christians; the exact thing that we need to be doing as Christians!

We can become intolerant of non-Christians and avoid them. As I have both Christian and non-Christian friends, I understand how easy it is to sway towards hanging out with Christians only!  But that's not what God wants me to only do; He wants the unsaved to know Him!

Below is an excerpt of the book that has really challenged me. Not only in ensuring I stay connected with my non-Christian friends, but also in how I interact.  I'm on a Facebook fast until the end of May. I have been considering deleting my account permanently ... until I read the following:

"The aversion [to interact with non-Christians] can become so intense that a Christ-follower has to plumb new depths of dysfunction to deal with it. "Here's what I think I'll do," she says. "I'll set my alarm so that in the morning, I'll get up to Christian music. I'll email my Christian girlfriends all throughout the course of my workday so that I can stay pumped up with Christian thoughts. At break time, coffee time, lunchtime, I'm going to sit by myself and read my Bible.

"Then I will fill up my evenings with family and church activities, and (if I watch television at all) it's only Christian shows for me. I'll go to bed, wake up tomorrow, and start all over with Step One. My life will stay exactly how I want it to be: simple and safe. Spotless and uncluttered. Protected and predictable. Just the way I like it.""

Hybels hits the nail on the head further on - "Simple and safe was not exactly the theme Christ was championing when he warned his followers that being sent out as lambs among wolves was part of the deal. "Spotless and uncluttered" had no place in the task of embracing a dying, broken, weary world with radical forgiveness and actionable love."  Ouch!

I don't totally cocoon myself, but I know that I don't embrace the non-Christian as much as I should as a Christ-follower. One way for me to do that is on Facebook while interacting with my family and friends. The idea of deleting my account has taken a new turn.  Extra prayer for guidance is now needed.  Another way for me to interact is through having lunch with my work colleagues instead of spending 30 minutes alone in the library reading.  More prayer is needed here too so that I can obtain a balance.  I am the type that needs to hibernate regularly to recharge!

So, how about you?  Do you make your world simple, safe, spotless and uncluttered as a Christian?

My aim is to make sure that my life gets complex, risky, messy and cluttered for Christ.

Consider the Ostrich...

13 “The ostrich flaps her wings grandly,
but they are no match for the feathers of the stork.
14 She lays her eggs on top of the earth,
letting them be warmed in the dust.
15 She doesn’t worry that a foot might crush them
or a wild animal might destroy them.
16 She is harsh toward her young,
as if they were not her own.
She doesn’t care if they die.
17 For God has deprived her of wisdom.
He has given her no understanding.
18 But whenever she jumps up to run,
she passes the swiftest horse with its rider.

- Job 39:13-18 NLT

A short and revealing lesson from God from Job.

Verse 13 makes us think about looks versus ability. Attractive "plumage" does not make the man or woman, or bird as in this case! It's what we're able to do with what we have - talents, gifts, wealth, etc- that really matters to God.

In verse 18 God tells us that the ostrich does, however, use its talent of running to its advantage. The ostrich may not be wise (v17) but it has physical ability.

God gives us something useful to use in life. Having wisdom alone does not determine usefulness.

Don't you love it?

Divorced...Again!

As a divorcee, I know what it means to facilitate the process of divorce. One person decides that they are going to divorce the other, both parties know about it, and both parties then sign the piece of paper that makes it official. Well...I got told today that someone whom I thought of as a friend has “divorced” me from their life. Yes, you could say that this terminology came as a surprise to me, but not as much of a surprise as to why. Even more surprising is the timeline of events leading up to this one-sided “divorce” process.

I perhaps should not post this, but I'm going to because, aside from not naming names, this situation has only highlighted the infallibility of the human condition; the fact that I foolishly give others an undeserving level of respect, and then subsequently get burnt. You’d think after almost 41 years of walking this earth I would know...but I am a slow learner with some things. Another reason for posting this is because it will show you whom it is that you CAN rely upon!

After having gone through almost 3 months of psychologist visits to sort out my own life, I am trying really hard to understand the other person in this situation. I just cannot. I perhaps should have left well enough alone and not said that this person is hurting me by their behaviour towards me, but I deserve respect. Never mind the fact that I had no idea what I had done for this person to do a 180 degree turn and treat me nicely one week and totally ignore me the next!

I read this tweet from @AverageBlackMan on Twitter today - "People will hate you, Parents will provoke you, family will divorce you, but real friends will always build you and God will always love you." It was a timely reminder of where I am to focus my attention during this time of “post-divorce” shock; on God.

He is infallible, unfailing, trustworthy, kind, gracious, loving, honouring, ever-present, reliable...just to name a few of His wonderful traits.

“We are never nearer Christ than when we find ourselves lost in a holy amazement at His unspeakable love.” - John Owen

I got to this place this afternoon; sitting in my car while waiting for my daughter who was at a dancing lesson. I sat for 45 minutes pondering this “divorce” and pondering life in general. After a long 6 months of anxiety attacks, increased anti-depressant medication, illness, a love relationship breakdown, a change in job (to a job that I actually LOVE!), solo parenting a feisty 6 year old girl, financial concerns, and more, I finally realised that I am closer to God than I’ve ever been at any other time in my life.

And that is my hope and my promise; that as a child of the Most High God, He will be with me always and will never do to me all that has been done to me by humans.

He is infallible! He will never divorce me, blame me, mistreat me, ignore me or generally make me feel that everything is my fault.

He just loves me, as my Heavenly Father.

Thank You God.

My Life is Not a Documentary...

"My life is not a documentary..."

That is the thought that came to me at work today. This last week of my life I've felt the overwhelming urge to internalise. To ponder some of the things that I do, as opposed to what others do to me. God has revealed some startling revelations to me. And no, I'm not the person who I thought I was; I am someone better. I am someone who is going to take responsibility for her not so productive actions of the past. I am someone who is now going to 'do' life a little different. How? By keeping my life problems between me and God for a while, and anyone whom the problem pertains to.

I haven't done that in the past. I've gone to humans for advice, wisdom and guidance. While this hasn't always been a bad thing (we're all made for relationship, after all), in my case I don't think that it has helped me to really become accountable for MY actions (one of the faults of being a people pleaser!). One thing I've tried to not do is quench the Spirit, but I feel I've done that. I am now feeling the Spirit guiding me in what I have to do now.

The reason I've gone to other people for advice first (aside from the people pleasing thing) is because I am impatient, I have been a tad discombobulated (a post is brewing on this amazing word!) and I've always thought how I feel and what I do has been wrong. God is showing me patience, de-discombobulating me (perhaps not a word, I know, but it sounds good!) and reassuring me that how I feel and what I do is not necessarily wrong, but a little misguided. I like to hurry. I move, speak, type, write and eat fast. I need to slow all of this down. I need to give God the proper opportunity to speak directly to my heart, to guide my soul and re-educate all aspects of me on how I do life.

I haven't written anything overly deep of late, and that's because I haven't been able to. God has wanted me to just look to Him. It's worked. I feel clarity has arrived. My direction - while I don't know exactly where I'm heading - is focused on God and what He wants me to do, not me heading in a direction and taking God along for the ride! So what does this mean for me? Well, I have no idea. I don't know what direction I'm to take. I don't know what my writing should be focused on. I don't know the answer to certain aspects of my personal life. But God does know, so I'll be going with His flow and letting Him guide me for a while. My life will be a documentary for God only.

"With all your heart you must trust the Lord and not your own judgment. Always let him lead you, and he will clear the road for you to follow." - Proverbs 3:5,6

Reclaiming My Dignity...

I’ve spent the larger part of this year working on reclaiming my dignity. Equipping myself with the tools to be able to look at myself in the mirror and like – no, love - what I see. And not just on the outside, but more importantly on the inside. Life's experiences had stripped me of the dignity that God ordained me with at birth. People, circumstances and my own self-loathing have all contributed to this. Recently, God has - because I've drawn closer to Him - made sure I reclaimed all that the locusts had taken from me; what was rightfully mine.

People in general can be odd. As I've posted previously, I don't "do" people well, or at least I didn't. I’ve often felt intimidated by people, especially those who appeared to have more or know more than me. I've since discovered that having things is not essential; it's just a cover for trying to fill the “God hole” in a person. And as for knowing things, well I prefer to know what God wants of and for me, rather than knowing how to effectively “do this” or “do that” for the world.

Basically, God has been teaching me how to live how Jesus would. Teaching me how to not concern myself with obtaining things or attaining worldly knowledge for myself, but seeing things as essentials only, while sharing the knowledge and love I have for God with others.

In saying this, I believe it's important to not discount a person's life experience, whether it is amassing things or knowledge. We have all lived life on many and varied paths for a reason. To strip a person of their knowledge and experience, no matter what the circumstance, goes against everything that Jesus came to earth for. I believe – firmly - that everyone and I mean EV.ER.Y.ONE. must be treated with respect and dignity.

As with change, which is generally only successful if made in small stages, so is the sapping of one's dignity via people and life. A comment here, a look there, a lack of understanding on some level or the refusal to listen to the other person's opinion or point of view. These are all things that sap away at a person. I know as I've been there. Emotional abuse, ill-timed words, abusive emails, and the list could go on.

Now I'm not guilt-free in these areas. I've been able to dish out just as well as I've received. I've been naive, I've been reactive and I've been downright stupid in a lot of areas, but the blessing is that through all these things I’ve learnt some valuable and life-changing lessons. I’ve learnt basically that I am to treat others are Jesus would treat them. Regard things as Jesus would regard them. These are simple yet effective truths to live by.

This is just one of the MANY lessons I've learnt over the last year of my crazy yet exciting life. What lessons have you learnt recently that have changed your life in either a small or big way?

Sticking Closer Than a Brother...or Sister!

My growth over the last few months has been remarkable. I’m finding myself growing in strength and wisdom in so many areas. I can only give credit to God for this. He is shaping and moulding me into the woman He truly knows me to be.

Part of this transformation is me working on the fact that, to put it bluntly, people in my life have let me down. From partners, to work colleagues...the list goes on. It wasn’t until my wonderful friend Jo prayed over me a few weeks back did I realise just how much being let down has actually affected me.

Tonight I dealt with some of the emotions of healing from someone letting me down. It hurt, and it hurt a lot. But, once again, God brought me through the pain. It is by His love, and the loving kindness of another wonderful friend, that I can now sit here and write this.

I write of God’s goodness. Of how over the last twenty plus years of my life He has never let me out of His grasp. Of how in my life He has given me people who have never, and I mean NEVER, let me down. Of the love of a child who keeps renewing me and my confidence in humans every day. Of the grace that God provides by forgiving me of my many sins on a daily basis. And of a God who will continue to do this, and much more, until the day I meet Him in Glory.

“There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24 NLT

Jesus is my only real friend. I have wonderfully "real" friends, but even in their capacity as my close friends, it is not guaranteed that they will never let me down. But Jesus never will. And when you think about what He went through for me, I don’t think he’d be able to.

He died on the cross for my abovementioned sins. He suffered horrible cruelty as the hands of humans. He was let down by His friends. He suffered the same loss as I have done so.

That’s why He won’t ever let me down. He’s been there and He’s felt it all.

God is strengthening me and changing my heart and mind to bring glory to Him. When I look back to where I was mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually this time last year it blows me away. I was a co-dependent, insecure, muddle-headed mess. Now I am confident in my singleness, my direction and my thinking. And I owe all of this to God and what He has allowed me to endure.

Don’t ever feel that you don’t have anyone to turn to when you are let down by others. There is Someone, and He is the greatest Someone you will ever encounter in your life. He is my Jesus, my God, my Father, my Comforter, my Protector and my Saviour.

Perfect Cleansing...

Hebrews 10:1-18 was the passage of scripture I read during my quiet time this morning. I am totally enthralled with what was revealed to me during this time, and especially because it was at 4:30am! These verses are in the NLT under the heading of "Christ's Sacrifice for All."

As I read through the passage, thoughts about patterns of verbal and emotional abuse, whether that be from others, or the suffering a person can inflict on themselves, came into mind. I asked myself if this type of behaviour could come about because grace has not been truly felt? Could this also apply to angry outbursts? Could this be why I still suffer from guilt, shame and regret, and why I lash out angrily at times?

"...never able to provide perfect cleansing..." The sacrifices of old were never able to save and cleanse completely. It was just an act, a deed. Something that was actioned carnally but not felt inside where God sees and knows...the heart.

Verse two gives insight into why the Israelites could never receive perfect cleansing - complete grace, if you like - from the animal and grain offerings they provided as sacrifices. "If they could have provided perfect cleansing, the sacrifices would have stopped, for the worshipers would have been purified once for all time, and their feelings of guilt would have disappeared." They had no choice but to keep offering these sacrifices because it was not yet their time to receive God's complete grace.

"But instead, those sacrifices actually reminded them of their sins year after year." Wow! This is verse three! Wow again! This verse spoke to me and made me ask myself, "Is saying sorry after getting angry and lashing out just a reminder of sin?" I believe that it is. It's a cycle...it, in its varying situations, is emotional and verbal abuse.

Verse four tells how "it is not possible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins", no more than it is possible for a "sorry" to really take away the hurt from when one is wronged against. And it is just not possible for that mere word - sorry - to take away sin, guilt and shame.

How to overcome this? Regarding the hurt from others; seeking God and forgiving the other person (releasing yourself in the process!) is the answer. As far as overcoming angry outbursts, sin, guilt and shame, verse 9 has the answer. "Look, I have come to do your will." Yes, fix your eyes and heart on God and stay focused on Him and His will; how He wants you to treat others, how He wants you to use your emotions and tongue. Jesus did His will, and so can we.

Jesus was offered as a "single sacrifice" (v 12). Under the old covenant the priest stood before the altar offering the same sacrifices over and over. We don't have to do that as "our High Priest offered Himself...for all time." Jesus took the sin, the guilt and the shame for us.

The Holy Spirit spoke to me yesterday while driving, which I believe ties into today's scripture passage and learning's. He told me to honour God by how I respect the speed limit! He then told me to honour God in everything I do. I thought more on that and concluded that I need to honour God in EVERY aspect of my life - to do His will! God's perfect will for my life.

All of this was a lot to take in at 4:30am but it was amazing! I felt like a weight had been lift from my heart. The striving to find out why I still felt guilt and shame from my past all uncovered in one reading. The simple answer to the problem: do His will.

Points to remember on this include that offering the same sacrifices over and over will never take away sin (v 11). Always remember Christ as the single sacrifice; that under the new covenant God has put His law in our hearts and has written it on our minds (v 16); and that He said, "I will never again remember their sins and lawless deeds." (v 17).

If He doesn't remember our sins, then neither should we. Saying sorry over and over is just a reminder. Don't live life as an "angry outburst"...change the behaviour; get rid of it! I know I am going to. And I know I am going to do God's will.

Look Up and Live!

While on holiday in Tasmania I did a lot of thinking about where God fits in my life, and where He would fit into the lives of others. I thought a lot about how I lived my life over the last twenty plus years and I am very thankful that I am now walking back with God.

After thinking about the place that God should have in my life, I realised that He should be my number one focus. It’s so easy to get side-tracked by what is in front of us instead of seeking God first. I am guilty of not putting Him first, but I am constantly reminding myself that while what I do here on earth is important, it’s not the be-all and end-all of my existence.

My contemplation brought me to have the following thoughts:

Every day should start with the Word, even if it’s just a verse to meditate on during the day. This will allow for the Word to enter and stay in our heart before an extended quiet time when the day allows. Quiet time IS important, so even making an appointment with God daily is one way to make sure that HE gets your focus!

Every thought needs to be a right thought. This means vetting our thoughts. As my dear dad has said, “don’t even think a negative thought; keep them positive.” Our minds need to be re-trained to exclude negative thoughts. If a negative thought does come, put it in check and get rid of it. One way to do this is by placing a biblical slant on it. If it’s something that is from God, then it’s OK. If not then it must go!

Every word we speak should be able to come out of Jesus’ mouth. If it doesn’t, then we must not say it. Our words should encourage, edify and exemplify. The tone of our voice is important, as is our choice of words, and that includes swearing/cursing.

Every action must have an eternal focus on it. While what we do, ie work, house-keeping, etc, is important, these things are immaterial compared to our eternal focus. However these things can be used to glorify Him. We must not let these things become idols and take over our lives and consume all our time. On the flip-side, everything we do is for HIM as our actions are our example of Jesus.

Our thoughts, words and actions are all linked together. One manifests itself into the other and has an effect on how we live. Each moment of every day is an opportunity to live the joy filled life that God has planned for us. He has EVERYTHING under control; we just need to trust Him and give ourselves over to Him.

The world is constantly changing...our lives are constantly changing; but every change brings the certainty that we are one step closer to eternity with Him. What we do with our lives (thoughts, words and actions) and the changes we encounter is up to us. We can let life’s circumstances rule how we spend our time and how we think, and with what we say and do, or we can trust Him.

God is good, faithful, loving and, most importantly, our focus. Look up and live!

(The above photo was taken by me on Somerset Beach, Tasmania facing west towards Wynyard and Table Cape.)

Today...

... I have learnt that I prefer swings to see-saws and monkey bars

... I have been schooled on the enormity of the universe

... I have had my love tank filled

... I have discovered what it means to just be accepted for who I am and what I have to offer

... I have learnt that I am a gazelle and not a crocodile, and that I am loved just for being me and that’s ok!

Today ...

... has been a good day and it's only just passed noon. ♥

Renewed in Knowedge...

My Heavenly Father knows EXACTLY what I need to read at a time when my life is undergoing a significant change. I am feeling as though part of me is missing given a change of circumstance in my life, but I know that it was what God planned. I have prayed continually asking for guidance in this area and over time, and in His way, He gave me the answer. He strengthened me along the way and prepared me for exactly where I am today. I am not going to be without normal human emotions, but my Father is with me, as is He who needs to be my first love, Jesus the Gentleman. Below is the first passage of Scripture I read today - part of my New Testament reading - and I am truly thankful for these words.

¹If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.

²Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

³For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.

⁴When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.

⁵Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:

⁶For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience:

⁷In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them.

⁸But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.

⁹Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

¹⁰And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:

¹¹Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in all.

¹²Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;

¹³Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

¹⁴And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

¹⁵And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.

¹⁶Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

¹⁷And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. (Colossians 3:1-17, King James Version)

Just Call Me Joseph...

Yes, please do! Because I have done what Joseph did with Potiphar’s wife. I have fled from a situation that was not good. The situation was one that provided love, promise and a future. But God stepped in and opened my eyes to something new. Why did He do that? Because I asked Him to, and because, like with Joseph, when troubles arose I stayed in the presence of God, which in turn enabled God to speak to me.

Now, I’m not saying that running from a situation is the right response in all circumstances, but it was in Joseph’s case, and I truly believe that it was in mine. Joseph ended up getting caught and unjustly thrown into prison, but that was where he was able to dwell in the presence of God and he grew for God. My situation is not one where I can be caught and thrown into a physical prison like Joseph, but there is a flip side to the similarities. If I don’t dwell in the presence of the Lord and grow for Him, I AM going to be caught and held in prison. The prison that is my people pleasing and co-dependent ways; the prison I have lived in for the last twenty years.

God has been speaking a lot to me over the last 7 months about my life. On the outside I appeared to have been living the life that God wants (and I had been trying to!), but deep down on the inside, behind closed doors, I had not been living the life that I know God wants for me. And I have felt it! Man oh man, have I felt it! The emotional pain that I have endured over the last 7 months has been immense. But I have endured it as I have remained in the presence of God, despite my shortcomings and my sins.

But, a new season is upon me! A weight has been lifted and I am free to be the person that God pre-destined. Yes, this means that I have given my life over to God; He is my focus and He is who I am going to cling to as I journey with Him on this next phase. It seems that as my fortieth birthday approaches I am getting closer to arriving at my promised land and exiting the wilderness that I have aimlessly been wandering in.

Yesterday I wrote a list of what I will do from now on:

I will not settle for less than what God intends for me
I will not bend God's rules to suit my wants
I will not disrespect God's Word by picking and choosing what to follow just to make another person happy
I will learn more about God my Father
I will discover more about Jesus my Saviour
I will quieten myself to hear more from the Spirit my Comforter
I will be all that God knows me to be
I will not participate in any 'Kevin' type behaviour*

So basically I will focus on these things to keep me on the journey that I know God wants me to be on. No more bending the rules to please myself or another. No more letting my human side dictate what I should be doing with my life. No more settling for less than what I deserve!

Joseph knew that his purpose was to do God’s Will. I have spent the last twenty years doing my will, and while I have been so blessed with so many people and things, it has kept me in the wilderness. God has sustained me during this time and His presence has always been near, but I have been too busy doing my own “thang”, thinking that the way the world sees life and relationships is what will complete me! Wrong!

I now have a feeling of peace in my heart and my mind (which for me is SO important given the state of it!), and I know for certain that running from the situation that I was in, fleeing from the pain, hurt, incrimination, humiliation, and the feelings of disgust I felt for myself, and more, was what I had to do. I’m not likely to be thrown into a physical prison like Joseph, but if I don’t stick close by God I will get put into a prison of stagnation by my own doing.

Interestingly enough, I just checked my inbox while waiting for Bible Gateway to load and I read this from Joseph Prince in a devotional email:

“The Battle Is The Lord’s

2 Chronicles 20:15 “Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

When faced with a problem or challenge, we tend to ask ourselves, “What am I going to do?” And well-meaning family members and friends will come along and ask, “What are you going to do?””

How apt is that?! Amazingly apt! My battle is not mine, it is the Lord’s. The repercussions of my situation are the Lord’s. I cannot reason or rationalise about the situation, so I will leave it to the Lord to sort out. Amazing stuff!

I will end this ridiculously long post with what the benefit is to remaining in the presence of God:

“...the LORD was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did.” – Genesis 39:23 (NIV)

Success...success in the Lord!

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for finally opening my eyes up to the truth. Thank You for planting Your words into my heart and bringing Your truth to fruition. I promise to remain in Your presence and to live the life that You have planned for me. In Jesus’ Wonderful Name, Amen

*My sincere apologies to anyone named Kevin, or who knows and is related to a person named Kevin. This is a light-hearted and loosely used term that will prompt me to NOT look to a man to complete me!

(Image courtesy of BIBLE ART GALLERY.)

PS: I have truly been blessed today after a tumultuous week, when even my blogging abilities were made fun of; I've received a Best Christian Blog of the Week Award by cybeRanger. What an honour! All glory to God for this one!

Where I Am At...

It seems like forever since I last posted, but while it actually hasn’t been ‘forever’, a lot has happened. Low patches... incredibly low patches, surges forward, regression, adapting to new ways, removal of the old, and more.

The one constant in all of this...? Our incredible Heavenly Father. Caring for me through His Word, my prayers and the answer to these prayers, friends, family and the reassurance that every trial is building my character and forming me to be the person He knows me to be.

Psalm 46:1-2, 10a from the King James Version reminded me recently of God’s faithfulness –

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea ... Be still, and know that I am God.”

I have learnt many important and valuable lessons over the last month or so, with these verses summing up everything that God has taught me.

At the end of the day He is all I need.
I need not be fearful of anything or anyone.
To hear Him, I need to allow Him in.
Everything is His because He is God and He made, shaped and formed it all.

I’ve learnt lessons on human relationships, sexuality and psychology and how things fit together in God's grand plan. Spirituality, empathy, forgiveness, developing patience and choosing my attitude.

October was a great month...seriously! And November is proving to be even better!

Two other verses sum up the last month or so as they tell of the peace, power and freedom that comes from being a child of the King.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”- Romans 15:13 (NIV)

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves by burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1 (NIV)

"Me Day" ... Um, No ... HIS DAY!

I enjoyed “Me Day” on Thursday just gone. I feel rather guilty referring to my day off as “Me Day” as it was more about Him than me, hence the title of this post. It was a chance to rest from the daily grind, renew my spirit and refresh my outlook. From the get-go, outside of a niggling day long headache, the day was wonderful!

Isaiah 32:17 spoke to me first – “The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.”

After a somewhat interesting month where I’ve had to deal with some turmoil, this verse spoke of the three things that I have been seeking – peace, quietness and confidence.

The second verse to speak to me was Psalm 19:1 – “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” This verse was accompanied by this quote from Gloria Gaither –

“This day let our actions and attitudes be in sync with all creation. May be articulate praise with the moments we are given today.”

I think I got the purpose of “Me Day” at that point.

God’s love needs to be displayed through me ... first and foremost in everything I think, say and do.

Onto the shopping centre I then ventured to a cafe to enjoy a coffee and read. My sights and thoughts along the way included the following, as written in my notebook once at the cafe:

“Old men sitting outside the supermarket chatting while their wives shopped ... a mum saying “see you later” to her tantrum throwing toddler at the main door.

A visit to the new stationery shop with young girls and boys looking at all the goodies, wanting to make the right purchase. Memories of my early teenage years flood back of me doing the same thing. Walking through to the cafe and seeing two young teenage girls sitting on some steps looking pretty, not returning my smile, looking at me with trepidation, me knowing full well that “image” is taking over their lives.

My thoughts move to being thankful for where I am at in life, despite the difficult times. I have God's love to share with others and I have to start doing that from today. THE MOMENT IS NOW.

Thoughts then go straight to my girlie. Love and smiles abound. I can do this. Even though we have bad times and she frustrates me no end (and vice versa!), I can do what God needs me to do; steward this child, this gift from God, into a life filled with richness.

I am not God’s purpose. He is using ME to show Himself to others.”

My cafe reading included continuing Liz Curtis Higgs’ book titled “Embrace Grace” and the chapters on embracing faith and truth. I then moved onto reading through the first chapter titled “Doing What’s Right” from Charles Swindoll’s book, “A Life Well Lived.” I then did some study questions from Micca Campbell’s “An Untroubled Heart” to finish off her amazing book.

All food for my soul and spirit on this day that I feel God used to strengthen me. He used the day to take me back to the basics of my walk with Him and to reassure me that through Him I can be all that He needs me to be, despite the fact that on the most part I feel I do a terrible job!

There are many, many verses that I read that spoke to me, but the following two stood out the most:

“We must obey God rather than man.” – Acts 5:29

“The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” – Psalm 118:6

A timely reminder about where my focus needs to be. Even when manking conspires against me, when life here on earth gets a bit tiresome and unfair, I have the assurance of God's protection and love over me.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the opportunity to draw closer to you; to gain strength and reassurance from only you. May my walk here on earth among mankind be fruitful and grace-filled. May I live simply under the shelter of your wings and may Your purpose for me be fulfilled. In Jesus’ Wonderful Name, Amen.

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter Seven - Calm Down: I Have Stilled and Quieted My Soul...

This chapter of Self Talk Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild (our Yes to God Tuesday study hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart) is just amazing and although I haven’t been able to write much over the last few weeks, I feel compelled to write on this chapter. The first sentence that stood out to me was this – “Rage simmered just below the surface of my placid demeanor.” Now I don’t profess to have a placid demeanor, but rage certainly does simmer just below the surface. When does that rage come out? At night when both Jasmine and I are tired and she just does not do as I tell her to. It comes out when we are running late in the morning and all I want to do is for her to keep her head still as I do her hair. These are the times when my simmering rage comes out. I’m sorry to say that I am an anger monster, and have been quite a bit of late, but I don’t want to be, hence why Chapter 7 has been so good for me.

Jennifer says in four words something else that hit home when she recounts kicking a hole in the wall – “…I had no excuse.” And she is right; she had no excuse and I have no excuse now to act the way that I do. There are reasons why I feel as I do, but as this chapter goes on to explain, it’s how I react to those reasons then determines the end outcome. And in this area I get a big F for fail.

I always appreciate a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson and this one does not disappoint – “Coolness and absence of heat and hast indicate fine qualities.” I don’t display many fine qualities at times and I really dislike myself for that. Jennifer writes how “Our reactions reveal the temperature inside our thought closet. We can use soul talk to keep the thermostat at a cool and steady temperature. We must learn to still and quiet our souls, to tell our souls to calm down.” Going on this, the temperature of my thought closet would closely resemble what Hades must be like because it gets blazing hot in there. And yes, Jennifer is right in that I must use my soul talk to get my soul to quieten down, and I mean NOW!

And this is why Chapter 7 is so wonderful and amazing. It tells me how I can do that, and I sure do need as much help as I can get! John 14:27 tells us where we can find the peace to help us quieten our soul. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.” Yes, our Lord Jesus telling us simply where we can find the peace we need; in Him and not the world. This is in keeping with my theme for my week, where I have been reminding myself that true peace and happiness only comes from God and will never come from any person or any thing on earth. What great timing. Jennifer then writes that “we need to acknowledge why we have angry, smoldering embers in our thought closets to begin with. We must identify the source of our anger.” Ouch, that in itself hurts!

The next section in the chapter is titled 'Loosen the Grip'. The title explains it all. Yes, we need to loosen the control that we falsely believe that we have over our lives. Outside of, as Jennifer writes “...our attitudes…our responses to circumstances…our choice to seek God…our determination to be still before Him…our choice to acknowledge that He is God – and we are not!” we have no control whatsoever. It’s crazy to think that as Christians we may even think that we have control. We should know better, but we…I…don’t.

Jennifer writes that “So much of the anger in our lives comes from the unmet expectations and frustration that we don’t have ultimate control.” I agree totally! I couldn’t control that my ex-husband decided that other women and substances were more attractive than me. I couldn’t control that my daughter’s father, my now ex-partner, found his addiction more enticing than providing a good home for me and his child. I have no control over the fact that the man I love is separated from me by a vast expanse of water and I don’t know when I’ll see him next. And I now have no control over the fact that outside of providing love, support and prayers, I cannot make my daughter like going to school and after school care any more than I can understand quantum physics (see my postscript below for further on this topic). It frustrates me and also makes me feel helpless, but that is kind of how I’m supposed to feel so I can rely on God.

I thought that because Jasmine was used to being at pre-school all day that she would adapt well to school. I was all too “ready to embrace the mirage” as Jennifer refers to having control over our life events. I miscalculated and was not prepared enough. It’s “a pleasant daydream at best and a cruel fantasy at worst.” Jennifer “has ushered ultimate peace into (her) thought closet" by thinking the following –

“…we recognize that God has ultimate control over our lives and over the world, so we choose to trust Him even when we don’t like or understand His ways. We loosen our tight grip and begin to hold the precious things in our lives with an open hand. We trust His plan, His ways, and His goodness more than we trust our own.”

Jennifer then talks about raising fists to heaven in anger towards God. I have to say that I have never been angry at God for anything that has happened in my life. Having grown up knowing the difference between right and wrong, but still going off the narrow path, it’s not His fault that I am where I am right now. It’s because of Him that I am where I am right now, and as I learnt through Laura from The Wellblog today, if it had not have been for the mistakes I have made I would not have my little girl. My life is not under my control, only certain aspects are. My life is exactly where God knew it would be, and it is under His control.

Jennifer writes that “Peace comes when we loosen our grip and let down our guard before our heavenly Father.” I need to do that so badly that it’s frightening. I knelt down beside my bed the other night and cried big droplet sized tears as I told God why I felt as miserable as I did. Amazingly, I felt better afterwards. I allowed myself to be still for a moment as He instructs us to do in Psalm 46:10 – “Be still, and know that I am God.” I need to know that He IS in control, He IS Lord and Master over all, and that He IS leading me where I am meant to be. I just need to loosen that grip.

The last three sections of this chapter are titled 'Washouts on the Path to Peace', 'Fire in the Closet' and 'Trading Your Anger for Peace'. ‘Washouts’ talks about negative mindsets, anger over adversity and stubborn defiance. Washouts are the things “that will block our journey as we pursue the peace that Jesus grants us.” Regarding negative mindsets, I love how Jennifer writes that “the real source of anger isn’t a tough circumstance or a difficult person; it’s the way we choose to think about that person or circumstance.” I know that to be true only too well every two weeks when Jasmine goes to her father’s house. At the moment I am driving her there and back (approx 2 ½ hours of travel each second weekend) and I start getting anxious about an hour before the weekend even begins.

It is the next section – 'Anger Over Adversity' – that has the most pencil markings in my copy of Jennifer’s book. Jennifer writes that “what I have learned about this matter of adversities and hardships. Accept them. Don’t let them fill you with anger.” I was taught that lesson about 12-18 months ago regarding the situation with my daughter’s father. I react better than I ever used to, but I have let my guard slip lately. Marcus Aurelius says, “How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” Wise words indeed! My reaction to my daughter’s father and his actions are much more detrimental to Jasmine and I than the man himself (also see postscript about this). Jennifer writes that “You can’t often change adverse circumstances, but you can change your reaction to it.”

The last two sections of the book cover using water to quench the flames of the thought closet instead of gasoline. Proverbs 15:1 says that “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I need to be more mindful of how I speak to myself. My “soul needs the water of the Word” for my thought closet. I need to “appreciate” myself and “find truth and speak it to” my soul. “The words you speak to yourself – the thoughts you dwell on, receive, and personalize – can either cause anger to ignite or allow peace to prevail.”

Jennifer writes about Thomas Merton observing that “man is not at peace with his fellow man because he is not at peace with himself, and he is not at peace with himself because he is not at peace with God.” I long to find that peace.

“Since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.” – Romans 5:1-2

“When you have peace with God, you can have peace from God – the peace that Christ brings.”

“So when things heat up, tell your soul to calm down.”

A postscript to this post (even before I publish it) is that I received a revelation through admonishment this evening that my actions, my reactions, and my apparent but not obvious until now ignorance towards the affect that these things have on my daughter is the reason that she is like she is at present. I knew that my angry outbursts and lack of self-control in this area was the cause of hers, but it wasn’t until these words were given to me tonight – “so you are obviously crying a lot and so is she” – that it really dawned on me. Every single little thing that I do is affecting my child and I have been oblivious to it. I have just spent the last 30 minutes lying on the floor listening to Third Day and crying and praying to Jesus and my heavenly Father for forgiveness and guidance. Admonishment, even if in just eleven short words, is difficult to deal with, but it has been the best thing for me after this week. Thank you goes to my faithful admonisher and covering, who I know says what he says with love.

Some Relfective Thoughts...

I seem to be in a reflective mood today, so below are some thoughts that I decided to put down in print. These thoughts are mine and not necessarily supported by all and sundry, but I wanted to share them nevertheless in the hope that they will be read and considered. With the complexities of life, the differences between all of us, our individuality, our experiences, our perceptions and so on, I think it a valuable asset to be able to delve into how another feels to help enhance how we feel.

I'm embarking on a life project at present that is called the 'Exit Wilderness Project'. It's my means of ridding myself of the wilderness that I have wandered in over the past (nearly) 39 years. My aim is to reach the age of 40 next year and be able to say that I am free. I won't necessarily be free of all of the baggage from my past, but I want to hit 40 years of age with a new vigour, a new mindset and the ability to thoroughly enjoy what the next 40 years will bring. The thoughts below are also part of this process.

God has enabled me to be where I am today; to be a different person to who I was yesterday, last week, last month and last year. I am so very thankful to God for this. I feel the thoughts below are a result of the growth I've made in my walk with God, and the ability to live life more open and honest now, and to be accountable for all I think, say and do.

So, here they are...my thoughts...

Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes, and it’s sometimes up to us to mend a relationship gone wrong.

We are all different for a reason; it’s our differences help us to grow and adapt.

People are, at the end of the day, the most important aspect of life; why else would there be so many of us?

It takes a strong person to live by virtue and with integrity; it takes a stronger person to show they are virtuous and have the integrity to admit when they are wrong.

Life is not about possessions or who is right; life is about relationships and people.

God is the only one you can rely on 100% for anything, and I mean ANYTHING; He is the only true, trustworthy friend that we have.

Love is a doing word, not just something you say in between ‘I’ and ‘you’; it links the two by thoughts, words and deeds.

If you look outside yourself, you will find that life and all that it encompasses is amazing; lose your ‘self’ mentality and you will gain your ‘self’ back in abundance. It’s NOT all about you.

Family and friends are given to you for a reason; to build your life, to nurture you, to sustain you and to be there for you even when you think they’re not, to help you grow, to love you.

Blessings come in many forms; a Christmas hamper, a compliment in passing by a friend that what you do matters, the breeze blowing through the trees, so many avenues if you just look out and see.

No matter what our circumstances, it has all happened for a reason; it’s up to us to look passed what is in the now for opportunities for the future.

God does not make mistakes; you, your life, your circle of family and friends, your ‘everything’ is predetermined to enrich your life and build character.

We need to be living our happy lives now and not just waiting for ‘happy’ to come; enjoy every moment, take in the good and you WILL see and be ‘happy’ now!

Accept others for who they are; this allows for their unique selves to shine, and for you to let your uniqueness shine too.

I believe jealousy to be the number one reason for hatred and cruelty; second to that is ignorance and lack of maturity and understanding. The willingness to be happy for others, the desire to expand your knowledge base to enable growth and the ability to forgive will overcome jealousy.

At the end of the day, not one of us is that different to the other; our various differences, though, is what makes us all so precious and relevant to each other.

What we do here on earth is so small compared to the vastness and enormity of the earth and universe as a whole; it does not make what we do insignificant though.