When Life Gets Messy...

I bet you can relate to that, right? When life gets messy and all the pieces don't seem to gel? I know I do. My life has become messy on many occasions, as yours most likely has done as well. The fact is that life will continue to get messy, then straighten itself out, and then get messy again because that's just how it is living on this earth. The good news, however, is that with Jesus in my life, the existence of a messy life it isn't as prolific. It isn't as disrupting. It is never as bad as before. And it can be like that for you too.

I like the word "messy" as a way of describing how life gets. Mandy Steward has embraced the word "messy" on her blog Messy Canvas. Mandy embraces her messy life. Her journey. The messy journey that she travels on. She encourages us to "move towards listening to our voice, standing on our two feet, owning our own life to the full and setting ourselves free." To embrace us, our lives, the journey, and the mess. After all, only Jesus is perfect. And Jesus bring freedom. Mandy also write how "The great thing about freedom is that there are always new levels of it to explore."

I like "messy".

mess·y

/ˈmɛsi/ [mes-ee]   

 adjective, mess·i·er, mess·i·est.

1. characterized by a dirty, untidy, or disordered condition: a messy room.

2. causing a mess: a messy recipe; messy work.

3. embarrassing, difficult, or unpleasant: a messy political situation.

4. characterized by moral or psychological confusion.

---

Origin:
1835–45; mess + -y¹

Related forms

mess·i·ness, noun

 

Dictionary.com describes various situations that we will find ourselves in that are messy. The room strewn with clothes. The kitchen sink piled with dirty dishes. The flour dusting on the benchtop. The paperwork covering the desk. The money left at home when the checkout is full of food. The words spoken that we regret once breathed out. The thoughts that race around on firing neurons. The respect that isn't given nor earned.

Life is messy. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually.

Thankfully we all have access to a God - The God - who is a Master Janitor. He is able to clear, sanitise, renew, clarify, tidy and clean up the messes that we are subjected to in this earthly life. We don't have to do this alone. We have someone who is All Powerful, All Knowing, and Not Messy!

Your life may be messy. There may be circumstances in your life where you feel there is no escape. That the mess cannot be cleaned up. That your situation will never improve. That your heart, soul and mind will never find clarity and peace.

Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:7 NLT

Rest in Jesus. Ask the Lord God for help and guidance. Seek out His Holy Spirit to be the quiet yet loud voice in your head, guiding your heart to the right destination.

My life gets messy. God cleans it up. It gets messy again. God does it yet again. The best aspect in all of this? I get stronger. Life becomes clearer. Peace descends from the heavens and rests in my heart. God frees me from the mess the world creates once again.

God is good.

BF2013: Today Was All About...

Shopping
Hanging out with my bestie
Visiting with family
Welcoming my girl home
Lively and heart repairing discussions
God filling my heart with even more love and peace and clarity than I imagined

All in all, a day well spent

Paula xoxo

BlogtoberFest 2013: A Late Start...

Hi! And welcome to my late start to BlogtoberFest2013 that is being hosted by the lovely Michelle over at Shells in the Bush.

I'm late starting as I had my parents visiting from interstate for my cousin's wedding, so I've decided to not play catch up and start from today.

The last week was filled with fun days hanging out with my dad, mum and daughter. We spent time visiting an historical village, eating out and catching up with family. It's always nice to have my family visit, and yes, I become a tad homesick after they leave!

On writing this post it has dawned on me that the title of "A Late Start" is quite apt for me and my life. I feel as though, at 43 years of age, my life is just starting. After marrying at 20, divorcing at 28, having a child at 34, becoming a solo parent at 36, and choosing to become a bona fide single woman over the last few years, I am only now just coming into my own. The "dream life" of getting married, having a child and living happily ever after, as per the world's standards, didn't happen for me. I don't know if the "happily ever after" part will come true with someone else, but either way I have Jesus and He is enough.

Jesus will always be enough.

And as I delve into God's Word more with the studies I have been doing lately, the peace that has come from realising that Jesus will always be enough is more than I had ever hoped for. He is reliable, ever-present, loving, patient and very kind.

My "Late Start" in life is exactly what God intended. And so is the "Late Start" to BlogtoberFest 2013.

What's Your Take on Peace?

Mine is from not letting the world dictate who I am and what I do. By being true to myself even if others aren't. From following what God places on my heart to do. Through resolving the angst of the past and accepting that what it is is just that, what it is. By accepting others and how they live their lives and not casting unmerited judgement on them. From admonishing when God's Word is being ignored.

That's just a snippet of what my take is on peace. What's your take?

He Gives Me Peace...

"I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." - John 14:27 NLT

http://bible.us/John14.27.NLT

Thankful to have read this verse today.

Paula xo

No Condemnation...

I wrote this post a few days back from my mobile (cell) phone, but for some reason (operator error, no doubt) it didn't publish, so here it is!

______________________________________________________

I'm very thankful for Pastor Brian Houston sharing this scripture - Romans 8:34 - with us at church on Sunday. I revisited my notes today and felt it to be a tangible word from God for me at this present point in time.

You see, I feel the sting of condemnation from certain people in my life. People that have caused, and still cause, me to suffer from anxiety brought on my traumatic events in my past. But this verse has helped me to overcome some of that anxiety. Why? Because Jesus died on the cross for me so that today's realisation could occur. So I could be free.

There is a very peaceful feeling that comes from knowing that there is one man who loves me enough to give His all. That there is one man who loves me even though I have hurt Him. That there is one man who will be with me for eternity.

I looked around at various couples today and wondered why I had faired so abysmally at relationships. God told me that it was because all I really needed and need is Jesus. There may be a Mister Right out there, but for now I'm sticking with Mister Eternity.

It's almost 7pm on Easter Monday here. The eve of life returning to an almost normal pace. I've had eight days vacation with my little princess and we're both as worn out as each other, although I am not sound asleep like she is right now. Tiredness brings about heightened emotions for me. Feelings instead of fact. But God has returned my thinking to fact with this verse.

I am free. I have no condemnation. I have Jesus.

Paula xo

An Odd Sense of Calm...

Sitting here with only the light of my desk lamp and my laptop screen illuminating the room, I am experiencing an odd sense of calm after a somewhat hectic day. Life has presented itself with a myriad of experiences, emotions and outcomes in the past few months. Ask me a year ago where I’d be today, and I would not have said it was going to be here. I actually had no idea where I’d be today. I knew I’d be living where I am and working where I work, etc. But I didn’t know that I’d feel such the full sense of empowerment in my life as I do right now.

God has blessed me more than I ever imagined possible. To go from an anxiety riddled almost 40 year old a year ago, to a confident and calm 40 year old today; “Wow!” is all I can say!

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

These are the four verses that saved my sanity this time 13 months ago; that and a gentle dose of anti-depressants. The little white pills, however, cannot override the fact that by giving my worries and concerns over to God I am now feeling an odd sense of calm and freedom today that I had no idea existed!

To put my transformation into words is difficult. Sometimes when I think about it, all I want to do is cry. And not out of sadness or remorse for the pain and suffering I’ve been through, but because of an overwhelming sense of gratitude that I feel towards God for enlightening me, loving me, and waiting patiently for me for 18 years.

And yes, I am crying now as I type this. I’ve had a very full day with my daughter. I slept badly last night and woke in pain from my aching right side that reacts badly to certain foods and heat. I’ve struggled to think straight on occasion today, but through all of this I gave my pain and brain fog to God. I knew that if I stopped worrying about how I would cope, then – through Him – I would be able to cope. And I did.

I have made some amazing breakthroughs over the last month. I’ve not only discovered why I have anxiety/panic attacks, but I have also figured out why I succumbed to depression again 5 years ago. The anxiety/panic attacks come from negative emotional reactions to past experiences that have been filed away in my memory bank. When I am placed in a similar situation to when I first experienced these negative emotional reactions, my memory bank decides to take all of these emotions out of the vault and deposit them all in my brain at the same time. Talk about overload!

As for the depression, I figured out that my depression reared its ugly head again five years ago when my relationship with my daughter’s father became more than unstable. The end was nigh, but neither of us knew what to do about it. And, as with all things during our relationship, I was the one that was left to do something about it. A lot of pressure! Prior to that, my last bought of depression was in mid 1997 when my now ex-husband first told me that he didn’t want to be married anymore. Now I see the connection.

Negative emotional reactions, rejection, disharmony, abandonment, failure; these are all things that I’ve experienced in the past that now cause me to get anxious and depressed. But...no more!

I’m now staking my claim, through God and the cleansing blood of Jesus, and speaking victory over my life, that I will be an overcomer and not be affected by these things any longer. Yes, I will still experience some “residue” from these conditions for some time, but I am not going to define myself by these conditions.l

God has my life in His hands. He has wisdom that surpasses anything that we can ever imagine. His foolishness is greater than our wisdom. I learnt a valuable lesson 13 months ago, and that was to give my concerns over to God. Since then I have given my life over to Him. I am here for Him, and for the needs of others.

Real Joy...

"Real joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of men, but from doing something worthwhile." - Sir Wilfred Grenfell

This quote basically sums up my life. In the forty years I have walked this earth - especially the last twenty - I have been pursuing joy in all the wrong areas! An easy life...earning more money and buying more things...to pleasing men (and women!). Has this way of living worked? Of course not! The only true source of joy comes from the Lord. But how? It comes from, as the quote says, "from doing something worthwhile."

Forget the fact that I'm a divorcee, had a child out of wedlock, have been shamed, spent too much time in pursuit of the wrong men, spent too much money on temporal things, and more! I am now a new creation in Him and my life is focussed on doing something worthwhile. Not for me, mind you, but for Him and for others.

I have made some major advances in my growth over the last few weeks. Not only have I found the root cause of my depression and anxiety, but I have reached a point of liberation and peace, started co-leading a connect group through church, and am mentoring (through friendship) other women who are where I was. And I'm also due to start a new job in the next couple of weeks, and am confidently single!

Can you say "wow?" I know I can! W.O.W!

God has been SO good to me lately, as He has always been throughout my life. I am truly grateful that He never let me out of His grasp. I am forever thankful that He knew my true potential and that because I chose to surrender to Him - to lay down my weapons and stop fighting - I am now exactly where He wants me to be!

It is a truly liberating feeling. I don't recall ever feeling like this in all my adult life. I have recollections of the feeling from when I was a child, but never as an adult. Why? It's because as an adult I tried to take control of my life based on wild and unattainable expectations placed on me by myself and society. Why do I now have this peace again? It's because (and you probably get where I'm going with this) I've chosen to trust Him as a child again and let Him lead the way.

I could write more on this but I won’t. I want to leave that for future instalments, or even a book, which is what this post will become if I don’t stop! I will leave you with three verses, however, that are in keeping with the joy, peace and liberation that I am experiencing.

And Nehemiah continued, “Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!” - Nehemiah 8:10 (NLT)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. - John 14:27 (NIV)

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." - Matthew 19:14 (NIV)

God is a God of Love, Healing and Hope...

It was what it was. The evidence is there. The hurt has been felt. But forgiveness has come. Resentment has been overcome. Hearts have been mended.

Moving on from a love relationship is difficult at any time. Moving on from one where there was an ocean separating both parties is even more difficult. It was what it was. He and I share our memories. He and I are now recovering from our hurt.

Does it take a strong person to still love and care for someone whom they adored and wanted to spend the rest of their life with? Even with the hurt? Yes, I believe it does. I believe it takes God's love and grace to be able to do so. And that is what I felt last night.

Healing. Restoration. Closure. New promise. Hope.

Healing from a God who loves me as far as the east is from the west.
Restoration from a God who believes that His children deserve a complete and full heart of love.
Closure on a period of my life where God was always present.
New promise of a future living as God intended me to live.
Hope for whatever He brings my way next.

God is a God of love. Complete love. Fulfilling love. Grace-filled love.

Never under-estimate the power of His love for you. I never knew this love in it's completeness. I never fully understood it. Not until I learnt how to love myself how He loves me.

“I Got Me a Sound Mind!"

I've listened to two "Wednesdays with Beth" talks titled “Claiming Your Right to a Sound Mind” a few times over the last week or so. I love listening to Beth as she not only gets deep into the Word, but she puts it into a practical sense and she has a wild sense of humour!

Now, a sound mind is something that I have not had 24/7 over the last few years, and especially over the last 10 months or so. I am A LOT better mentally (and emotionally) now than compared to how I have been in a long time. This is partly due to the little white pills I take, but it is mainly due to the revelations I have had from God about why I was getting anxious and depressed and what I was required to do to start on the path to healing.

One of the revelations was that I didn't realise that I had to let God heal me; not try and heal myself. I had been taking the burden of my unsound mind upon myself and furthering my turmoil by thinking that I had to fix me; that it was my own fault I was like I was. What an absurd way of thinking! For starters, I didn't even really know what was wrong with me! This need to “fix” myself let to panic, which Beth talks about during these talks. She says that "panic leads to poor decisions" and that "panic leads to manic". How true is that!

Relying on our decisions when not having a sound mind leads us to quench the Spirit, which we should not do. This is something that I am learning to overcome…slowly, but surely. Quenching the Spirit means that we’re not letting God do what He has to do. It also leads to haste and waste. Haste leads to waste in life, which is what panic will give us; waste. It will waste our time, our resources and abilities and waste us of our dignity and strength. Wasting time trying to sort out our problems, talking to friends to get their take on things (which sometimes IS important as far as admonishment and mentoring go!) and burying the problem in the hope that it will go away are just a few of the things we do that quench the Spirit.

My sound mind started to be restored last year when I accepted Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) as an absolute truth -

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

The key words for me in this passage of scripture are "which transcends all understanding". We need to accept that there are many things in our life that we will just never understand, and trying to understand such things will lead to a very unsound mind! Yours truly is living proof of this (and pardon the Beth Moore pun there).

These verses also offer many gems of advice: don't be anxious, go to God with thanks, petition and prayer, and to guard our hearts and minds. This all requires us taking control of what we think about. Don't let anxious thoughts take over. Focus our minds on God and His Word and promises to us. Stop negative thinking taking over our thoughts, what we say and our actions. Train our minds to only accept positive and productive thoughts.

The two preceding verses to the above (Philippians 4:4-5) are very relevant to obtaining and maintaining a sound mind -

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."

(Check out the Amplified Version of these verses for a very worthwhile expansion.)

Rejoicing in the Lord helps us to keep our focus on God. It keeps Him at the forefront in our minds. He is near and is with us 24/7. He is omnipotent; He has power over everything, which means power over our circumstances and our minds. He is omnipresent; He is everywhere at the same time, which means that He sees and knows everything concerning us.

Be glad for His constant presence, and rejoice in His infinite knowledge, wisdom and love for you! I know that I have done over the last 10 months. Just knowing that He knows all has been such a blessing to me. I have cried tears of joy and pain...countless tears. The tears of joy are from knowing that "He Is". There is no other way to describe His presence in my life.

He wants so much for us to have a sound mind. The enemy will try everything and anything to make us think that we don't have a one, that our thinking is off, and that God is disappointed in us because we don't have it all together. Lies ... arrows in the day and terrors in the night. Rest in God, focus on God and be calmed by the knowledge that "He Is" ... all day, every day and for all time.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for being the ever-present and ever-loving God that You are to us. Thank You for being our peace of mind when our human minds cannot handle life and all that it entails. Thank You for the reassurance that You have everything under control and that in You alone we can obtain and maintain a sound mind. In Jesus’ Mighty Name, Amen.

The Peace of God...

⁴Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.

⁵Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.

⁶Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

⁷And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

⁸Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

⁹Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. (Philippians 4:4-9, King James Version)

Where I Am At...

It seems like forever since I last posted, but while it actually hasn’t been ‘forever’, a lot has happened. Low patches... incredibly low patches, surges forward, regression, adapting to new ways, removal of the old, and more.

The one constant in all of this...? Our incredible Heavenly Father. Caring for me through His Word, my prayers and the answer to these prayers, friends, family and the reassurance that every trial is building my character and forming me to be the person He knows me to be.

Psalm 46:1-2, 10a from the King James Version reminded me recently of God’s faithfulness –

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea ... Be still, and know that I am God.”

I have learnt many important and valuable lessons over the last month or so, with these verses summing up everything that God has taught me.

At the end of the day He is all I need.
I need not be fearful of anything or anyone.
To hear Him, I need to allow Him in.
Everything is His because He is God and He made, shaped and formed it all.

I’ve learnt lessons on human relationships, sexuality and psychology and how things fit together in God's grand plan. Spirituality, empathy, forgiveness, developing patience and choosing my attitude.

October was a great month...seriously! And November is proving to be even better!

Two other verses sum up the last month or so as they tell of the peace, power and freedom that comes from being a child of the King.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”- Romans 15:13 (NIV)

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves by burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1 (NIV)

Our God Reigns...

"You reign, over all the earth we sing it.
You reign, justice and peace, You bring it.
You reign, Holy One, You reign."

I love the words to this song that my church band, Citipointe Live, sings. I especially love the words -

"You're above anything thrown my way.
Victorious, I live to stand in You always."

This is where my focus lies, this is where my peace comes from, this is the Who in life that I am concerned with. I focus on God, the one who made me, who loves me unconditionally, and who protects and strengthens me in life. These are the words I need to hear tonight. These are the words I need to remember after a month of heartache.

I am a down to earth person who actually finds herself a bit freaked out by people. I am certainly not perfect, only Jesus is, but I find the human factor in life rather unsettling. The nastiness of it, the attempts to hurt people, the game playing, and so on. This is why I rest in the peace that God brings to my life.

I don't understand why people do the things they do, but He does. He knows all things and He knows what is in the heart of every man, woman and child. He knows my heart better that I know it myself. That's why tonight I have looked into my heart and remembered that it is only He that I am to focus on.

God will deal with the hearts of others. He will concern Himself with why others do what they do. I am to remember that He reigns over the earth, He brings justice and peace, He is above anything thrown my way and I can stand victorious in Him. The enemy is continuing his attack on me that started a month ago, but I am resting in God.

Please enjoy this song -

PS: Some blog love to share from my lovely friend Janet at Footprints Australia -

"Me Day" ... Um, No ... HIS DAY!

I enjoyed “Me Day” on Thursday just gone. I feel rather guilty referring to my day off as “Me Day” as it was more about Him than me, hence the title of this post. It was a chance to rest from the daily grind, renew my spirit and refresh my outlook. From the get-go, outside of a niggling day long headache, the day was wonderful!

Isaiah 32:17 spoke to me first – “The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.”

After a somewhat interesting month where I’ve had to deal with some turmoil, this verse spoke of the three things that I have been seeking – peace, quietness and confidence.

The second verse to speak to me was Psalm 19:1 – “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” This verse was accompanied by this quote from Gloria Gaither –

“This day let our actions and attitudes be in sync with all creation. May be articulate praise with the moments we are given today.”

I think I got the purpose of “Me Day” at that point.

God’s love needs to be displayed through me ... first and foremost in everything I think, say and do.

Onto the shopping centre I then ventured to a cafe to enjoy a coffee and read. My sights and thoughts along the way included the following, as written in my notebook once at the cafe:

“Old men sitting outside the supermarket chatting while their wives shopped ... a mum saying “see you later” to her tantrum throwing toddler at the main door.

A visit to the new stationery shop with young girls and boys looking at all the goodies, wanting to make the right purchase. Memories of my early teenage years flood back of me doing the same thing. Walking through to the cafe and seeing two young teenage girls sitting on some steps looking pretty, not returning my smile, looking at me with trepidation, me knowing full well that “image” is taking over their lives.

My thoughts move to being thankful for where I am at in life, despite the difficult times. I have God's love to share with others and I have to start doing that from today. THE MOMENT IS NOW.

Thoughts then go straight to my girlie. Love and smiles abound. I can do this. Even though we have bad times and she frustrates me no end (and vice versa!), I can do what God needs me to do; steward this child, this gift from God, into a life filled with richness.

I am not God’s purpose. He is using ME to show Himself to others.”

My cafe reading included continuing Liz Curtis Higgs’ book titled “Embrace Grace” and the chapters on embracing faith and truth. I then moved onto reading through the first chapter titled “Doing What’s Right” from Charles Swindoll’s book, “A Life Well Lived.” I then did some study questions from Micca Campbell’s “An Untroubled Heart” to finish off her amazing book.

All food for my soul and spirit on this day that I feel God used to strengthen me. He used the day to take me back to the basics of my walk with Him and to reassure me that through Him I can be all that He needs me to be, despite the fact that on the most part I feel I do a terrible job!

There are many, many verses that I read that spoke to me, but the following two stood out the most:

“We must obey God rather than man.” – Acts 5:29

“The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” – Psalm 118:6

A timely reminder about where my focus needs to be. Even when manking conspires against me, when life here on earth gets a bit tiresome and unfair, I have the assurance of God's protection and love over me.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the opportunity to draw closer to you; to gain strength and reassurance from only you. May my walk here on earth among mankind be fruitful and grace-filled. May I live simply under the shelter of your wings and may Your purpose for me be fulfilled. In Jesus’ Wonderful Name, Amen.

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter 2 - The Fear Factor...

A different type of Yes to God Tuesday post here (as well as being 5 days late!), as my brain is sapped of creativity tonight to write a ‘normal’ post. Instead of sharing my thoughts (they’re scribbled in the margins of the book), I’m going to share the Word; verses that Micca Campbell used in her book "An UnTroubled Heart", and written here under the headings in which she uses them. All verses are from the New International Version.

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

By God’s Grace –

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.: - 1 Corinthians 15:10

The Introduction of Fear –

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" – Genesis 3:1

Be Careful Where You Step –

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” – James 4:7

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." – Hebrews 13:5b

“Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.” – Ephesians 6:11

It is by God’s grace we are free to not feel fear. It is by the enemy’s will that we are made to feel fear. It is through submitting to the Word of God that we learn how to be cautious of that fear. It is through remembering God’s Word to us that we feel comfort in the face of fear. It is through putting on God’s armour that we overcome fear.

A "Moment": The Other Side of the Yoke...

I've just been reading the latest Zondervan email titled "I Will Give You Rest", where it gives an excerpt from Ann Spangler's book "Praying the Names of Jesus" and I have officially had "a moment". I am speechless, my heart has done a full turn inside my chest and the emotion that has welled up is incredible. All I want to do is to run away from work and be alone with Jesus, but as I can't, I will have to do it here from work. Here is the excerpt -

""Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28–30).

One of the most winsome promises Jesus made to his followers was the promise of rest. But when was the last time you felt rested? Part of the secret of receiving the rest Jesus speaks of is to be sure that we are wearing the right "yoke." A yoke is an instrument used to harness two animals together so that they can combine their strength to carry a load. Jesus tells us his burden is light not because it is easy but because he is on the other side of the yoke, helping us to serve with his strength. Ask Jesus to free you, his servant, from burdens he does not want you to carry."

What affected me so much? It was this sentence - "Jesus tells us his burden is light not because it is easy but because he is on the other side of the yoke, helping us to serve with his strength." Specifically the words "...he is on the other side of the yoke...". You get that?

"He is on the other side of the yoke."

I'm all about imagery and feeling the image on the inside, right down deep in my heart, in my soul, and in the core of me where I know I need it most so I can heal. This has done it, or at least part of it. This moment is definitely up there with when I felt Jesus with me at church, where I saw Him, heard Him and felt Him. "Praying the Names of Jesus" is definitely a book that I will be reading. With every e-newsletter that has come through regarding this book, I have gleaned a new understanding and appreciation about my Saviour.

Dear Saviour Jesus, thank you so much for this moment. Thank you the reminder I so need; that I am not doing this worldly existence alone, that you are right by my side and right where I need you. Praying thanks in your Wonderful Name, Amen.

PS: After re-reading the email, another sentence stands out, being - "A yoke is an instrument used to harness two animals together so that they can combine their strength to carry a load." It's very comforting to know that I am harnessed together with Jesus; a team and a pair. It is a very comforting thought.

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter Seven - Calm Down: I Have Stilled and Quieted My Soul...

This chapter of Self Talk Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild (our Yes to God Tuesday study hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart) is just amazing and although I haven’t been able to write much over the last few weeks, I feel compelled to write on this chapter. The first sentence that stood out to me was this – “Rage simmered just below the surface of my placid demeanor.” Now I don’t profess to have a placid demeanor, but rage certainly does simmer just below the surface. When does that rage come out? At night when both Jasmine and I are tired and she just does not do as I tell her to. It comes out when we are running late in the morning and all I want to do is for her to keep her head still as I do her hair. These are the times when my simmering rage comes out. I’m sorry to say that I am an anger monster, and have been quite a bit of late, but I don’t want to be, hence why Chapter 7 has been so good for me.

Jennifer says in four words something else that hit home when she recounts kicking a hole in the wall – “…I had no excuse.” And she is right; she had no excuse and I have no excuse now to act the way that I do. There are reasons why I feel as I do, but as this chapter goes on to explain, it’s how I react to those reasons then determines the end outcome. And in this area I get a big F for fail.

I always appreciate a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson and this one does not disappoint – “Coolness and absence of heat and hast indicate fine qualities.” I don’t display many fine qualities at times and I really dislike myself for that. Jennifer writes how “Our reactions reveal the temperature inside our thought closet. We can use soul talk to keep the thermostat at a cool and steady temperature. We must learn to still and quiet our souls, to tell our souls to calm down.” Going on this, the temperature of my thought closet would closely resemble what Hades must be like because it gets blazing hot in there. And yes, Jennifer is right in that I must use my soul talk to get my soul to quieten down, and I mean NOW!

And this is why Chapter 7 is so wonderful and amazing. It tells me how I can do that, and I sure do need as much help as I can get! John 14:27 tells us where we can find the peace to help us quieten our soul. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.” Yes, our Lord Jesus telling us simply where we can find the peace we need; in Him and not the world. This is in keeping with my theme for my week, where I have been reminding myself that true peace and happiness only comes from God and will never come from any person or any thing on earth. What great timing. Jennifer then writes that “we need to acknowledge why we have angry, smoldering embers in our thought closets to begin with. We must identify the source of our anger.” Ouch, that in itself hurts!

The next section in the chapter is titled 'Loosen the Grip'. The title explains it all. Yes, we need to loosen the control that we falsely believe that we have over our lives. Outside of, as Jennifer writes “...our attitudes…our responses to circumstances…our choice to seek God…our determination to be still before Him…our choice to acknowledge that He is God – and we are not!” we have no control whatsoever. It’s crazy to think that as Christians we may even think that we have control. We should know better, but we…I…don’t.

Jennifer writes that “So much of the anger in our lives comes from the unmet expectations and frustration that we don’t have ultimate control.” I agree totally! I couldn’t control that my ex-husband decided that other women and substances were more attractive than me. I couldn’t control that my daughter’s father, my now ex-partner, found his addiction more enticing than providing a good home for me and his child. I have no control over the fact that the man I love is separated from me by a vast expanse of water and I don’t know when I’ll see him next. And I now have no control over the fact that outside of providing love, support and prayers, I cannot make my daughter like going to school and after school care any more than I can understand quantum physics (see my postscript below for further on this topic). It frustrates me and also makes me feel helpless, but that is kind of how I’m supposed to feel so I can rely on God.

I thought that because Jasmine was used to being at pre-school all day that she would adapt well to school. I was all too “ready to embrace the mirage” as Jennifer refers to having control over our life events. I miscalculated and was not prepared enough. It’s “a pleasant daydream at best and a cruel fantasy at worst.” Jennifer “has ushered ultimate peace into (her) thought closet" by thinking the following –

“…we recognize that God has ultimate control over our lives and over the world, so we choose to trust Him even when we don’t like or understand His ways. We loosen our tight grip and begin to hold the precious things in our lives with an open hand. We trust His plan, His ways, and His goodness more than we trust our own.”

Jennifer then talks about raising fists to heaven in anger towards God. I have to say that I have never been angry at God for anything that has happened in my life. Having grown up knowing the difference between right and wrong, but still going off the narrow path, it’s not His fault that I am where I am right now. It’s because of Him that I am where I am right now, and as I learnt through Laura from The Wellblog today, if it had not have been for the mistakes I have made I would not have my little girl. My life is not under my control, only certain aspects are. My life is exactly where God knew it would be, and it is under His control.

Jennifer writes that “Peace comes when we loosen our grip and let down our guard before our heavenly Father.” I need to do that so badly that it’s frightening. I knelt down beside my bed the other night and cried big droplet sized tears as I told God why I felt as miserable as I did. Amazingly, I felt better afterwards. I allowed myself to be still for a moment as He instructs us to do in Psalm 46:10 – “Be still, and know that I am God.” I need to know that He IS in control, He IS Lord and Master over all, and that He IS leading me where I am meant to be. I just need to loosen that grip.

The last three sections of this chapter are titled 'Washouts on the Path to Peace', 'Fire in the Closet' and 'Trading Your Anger for Peace'. ‘Washouts’ talks about negative mindsets, anger over adversity and stubborn defiance. Washouts are the things “that will block our journey as we pursue the peace that Jesus grants us.” Regarding negative mindsets, I love how Jennifer writes that “the real source of anger isn’t a tough circumstance or a difficult person; it’s the way we choose to think about that person or circumstance.” I know that to be true only too well every two weeks when Jasmine goes to her father’s house. At the moment I am driving her there and back (approx 2 ½ hours of travel each second weekend) and I start getting anxious about an hour before the weekend even begins.

It is the next section – 'Anger Over Adversity' – that has the most pencil markings in my copy of Jennifer’s book. Jennifer writes that “what I have learned about this matter of adversities and hardships. Accept them. Don’t let them fill you with anger.” I was taught that lesson about 12-18 months ago regarding the situation with my daughter’s father. I react better than I ever used to, but I have let my guard slip lately. Marcus Aurelius says, “How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” Wise words indeed! My reaction to my daughter’s father and his actions are much more detrimental to Jasmine and I than the man himself (also see postscript about this). Jennifer writes that “You can’t often change adverse circumstances, but you can change your reaction to it.”

The last two sections of the book cover using water to quench the flames of the thought closet instead of gasoline. Proverbs 15:1 says that “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I need to be more mindful of how I speak to myself. My “soul needs the water of the Word” for my thought closet. I need to “appreciate” myself and “find truth and speak it to” my soul. “The words you speak to yourself – the thoughts you dwell on, receive, and personalize – can either cause anger to ignite or allow peace to prevail.”

Jennifer writes about Thomas Merton observing that “man is not at peace with his fellow man because he is not at peace with himself, and he is not at peace with himself because he is not at peace with God.” I long to find that peace.

“Since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.” – Romans 5:1-2

“When you have peace with God, you can have peace from God – the peace that Christ brings.”

“So when things heat up, tell your soul to calm down.”

A postscript to this post (even before I publish it) is that I received a revelation through admonishment this evening that my actions, my reactions, and my apparent but not obvious until now ignorance towards the affect that these things have on my daughter is the reason that she is like she is at present. I knew that my angry outbursts and lack of self-control in this area was the cause of hers, but it wasn’t until these words were given to me tonight – “so you are obviously crying a lot and so is she” – that it really dawned on me. Every single little thing that I do is affecting my child and I have been oblivious to it. I have just spent the last 30 minutes lying on the floor listening to Third Day and crying and praying to Jesus and my heavenly Father for forgiveness and guidance. Admonishment, even if in just eleven short words, is difficult to deal with, but it has been the best thing for me after this week. Thank you goes to my faithful admonisher and covering, who I know says what he says with love.