No Condemnation...

I wrote this post a few days back from my mobile (cell) phone, but for some reason (operator error, no doubt) it didn't publish, so here it is!

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I'm very thankful for Pastor Brian Houston sharing this scripture - Romans 8:34 - with us at church on Sunday. I revisited my notes today and felt it to be a tangible word from God for me at this present point in time.

You see, I feel the sting of condemnation from certain people in my life. People that have caused, and still cause, me to suffer from anxiety brought on my traumatic events in my past. But this verse has helped me to overcome some of that anxiety. Why? Because Jesus died on the cross for me so that today's realisation could occur. So I could be free.

There is a very peaceful feeling that comes from knowing that there is one man who loves me enough to give His all. That there is one man who loves me even though I have hurt Him. That there is one man who will be with me for eternity.

I looked around at various couples today and wondered why I had faired so abysmally at relationships. God told me that it was because all I really needed and need is Jesus. There may be a Mister Right out there, but for now I'm sticking with Mister Eternity.

It's almost 7pm on Easter Monday here. The eve of life returning to an almost normal pace. I've had eight days vacation with my little princess and we're both as worn out as each other, although I am not sound asleep like she is right now. Tiredness brings about heightened emotions for me. Feelings instead of fact. But God has returned my thinking to fact with this verse.

I am free. I have no condemnation. I have Jesus.

Paula xo

27 Years...

He has loved me with an everlasting love...

He has drawn me with unfailing kindness...

The words in Jeremiah 31:3 speaks so eloquently of the love that my Heavenly Father has for me. And this short post is to say Thank You to Him for planting His seed in my heart 27 years ago today. That seed has been slowly growing into the branch of His tree that I am today.

Thank You Father for my 27th Freedom Birthday.

My Mosaic Heart...

Three and a half years ago a crack appeared in my heart after God planted a seed of truth in my life that, unbeknownst to me, would grow and slowly take me on a journey of ultimate truth, discovery and healing. But not without my heart breaking completely.

Over the last 3 and a half years God slowly and gently - and not so gently - showed me more and more truths that I needed to know. To be honest, God could have kept these truths to Himself because at the time they caused such confusion and heartache! But, He was persistent and kept revealing them to me. And oh, how they hurt! I’ve been through some heartache in my almost 41 years, but never, and I mean NEVER, have I felt anything as painful and devastating as what I went through on this latest journey.

As I get closer to my place of being healed and overcoming the beast that is depression and anxiety, I can now look back with clarity...and thanks to God...that I endured and survived (AMEN!) the changes and growth that He brought into my life.

I was taken to places that I never thought I would go. I discovered things that shocked and disgusted me. And I did things that no woman should be expected to do by someone who supposedly loves her!

It’s taken me a while to forgive and move forward, but I have reached that place now. There are still times when a memory hurts and ALL the pain returns, but it’s not as harsh so I can live with it now. Before, guilt, shame, regret, hurt and all those other icky emotions that the enemy would have me believe, would take over and consume me. But no more! (Sorry Satan...you lose!)

With each playing their respective parts in my life, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit have all lovingly brought me to the place I am at now. The broken pieces of my heart have been pieced back together like a mosaic. Not in the same place, not perfect, but still a work of love – and art – by my Maker.

Freedom and Love...

God in His goodness is comforting me. I am going through a season of change, and He is my ever-present comfort. My new season is one of freedom.

Freedom from twenty years of shame, guilt and regret.
Freedom from the opinions of others.
Freedom from the lies of the enemy.

“So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.” – Galations 5:1 (NLT)

This verse speaks volumes to me about my freedom. The New International Version talks about the “yoke of slavery”. For me that means not only the slavery to the law but also slavery to the world.

Slavery to the approval of others.
Slavery to incorrect submission.
Slavery to anger and frustration.

I no longer have to be a slave. Christ died on the cross to free me from slavery. To wash me clean from my shame, guilt and regret. To think of how God sees me instead of how others do. To overcome the strongholds that the enemy creates.

“God paid a high price for you, so don’t be enslaved by the world. Each of you, dear brothers and sisters, should remain as you were when God first called you.” – 1 Corinthians 7:23-24 (NLT)

I was fourteen years of age when God first called me. I had always known who God was and that He was part of my life. There has never, ever been a doubt in my mind that He existed. But I wasn’t free. I was still a slave to the world, and there I would remain until I was forty. Twenty-six years of God shaping me to be the woman I am now. His woman, His daughter, His princess and His messenger.

Words cannot truly express the love that I feel at this very point in time for God, and for His Son, Jesus, who He sent to die on the cross for me over 2,000 years ago. No other man will ever love me that much to give up His life for me. That, my friends, is special. That is true love.

I am free, I am loved, and I am His.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You so much for the gift of eternal life that You gave me through Your Son. Thank You for never, ever leaving my side, and thank You for forgiving me and giving me another chance at life with You. In Jesus’ Mighty Name, Amen.

Just Call Me Joseph...

Yes, please do! Because I have done what Joseph did with Potiphar’s wife. I have fled from a situation that was not good. The situation was one that provided love, promise and a future. But God stepped in and opened my eyes to something new. Why did He do that? Because I asked Him to, and because, like with Joseph, when troubles arose I stayed in the presence of God, which in turn enabled God to speak to me.

Now, I’m not saying that running from a situation is the right response in all circumstances, but it was in Joseph’s case, and I truly believe that it was in mine. Joseph ended up getting caught and unjustly thrown into prison, but that was where he was able to dwell in the presence of God and he grew for God. My situation is not one where I can be caught and thrown into a physical prison like Joseph, but there is a flip side to the similarities. If I don’t dwell in the presence of the Lord and grow for Him, I AM going to be caught and held in prison. The prison that is my people pleasing and co-dependent ways; the prison I have lived in for the last twenty years.

God has been speaking a lot to me over the last 7 months about my life. On the outside I appeared to have been living the life that God wants (and I had been trying to!), but deep down on the inside, behind closed doors, I had not been living the life that I know God wants for me. And I have felt it! Man oh man, have I felt it! The emotional pain that I have endured over the last 7 months has been immense. But I have endured it as I have remained in the presence of God, despite my shortcomings and my sins.

But, a new season is upon me! A weight has been lifted and I am free to be the person that God pre-destined. Yes, this means that I have given my life over to God; He is my focus and He is who I am going to cling to as I journey with Him on this next phase. It seems that as my fortieth birthday approaches I am getting closer to arriving at my promised land and exiting the wilderness that I have aimlessly been wandering in.

Yesterday I wrote a list of what I will do from now on:

I will not settle for less than what God intends for me
I will not bend God's rules to suit my wants
I will not disrespect God's Word by picking and choosing what to follow just to make another person happy
I will learn more about God my Father
I will discover more about Jesus my Saviour
I will quieten myself to hear more from the Spirit my Comforter
I will be all that God knows me to be
I will not participate in any 'Kevin' type behaviour*

So basically I will focus on these things to keep me on the journey that I know God wants me to be on. No more bending the rules to please myself or another. No more letting my human side dictate what I should be doing with my life. No more settling for less than what I deserve!

Joseph knew that his purpose was to do God’s Will. I have spent the last twenty years doing my will, and while I have been so blessed with so many people and things, it has kept me in the wilderness. God has sustained me during this time and His presence has always been near, but I have been too busy doing my own “thang”, thinking that the way the world sees life and relationships is what will complete me! Wrong!

I now have a feeling of peace in my heart and my mind (which for me is SO important given the state of it!), and I know for certain that running from the situation that I was in, fleeing from the pain, hurt, incrimination, humiliation, and the feelings of disgust I felt for myself, and more, was what I had to do. I’m not likely to be thrown into a physical prison like Joseph, but if I don’t stick close by God I will get put into a prison of stagnation by my own doing.

Interestingly enough, I just checked my inbox while waiting for Bible Gateway to load and I read this from Joseph Prince in a devotional email:

“The Battle Is The Lord’s

2 Chronicles 20:15 “Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

When faced with a problem or challenge, we tend to ask ourselves, “What am I going to do?” And well-meaning family members and friends will come along and ask, “What are you going to do?””

How apt is that?! Amazingly apt! My battle is not mine, it is the Lord’s. The repercussions of my situation are the Lord’s. I cannot reason or rationalise about the situation, so I will leave it to the Lord to sort out. Amazing stuff!

I will end this ridiculously long post with what the benefit is to remaining in the presence of God:

“...the LORD was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did.” – Genesis 39:23 (NIV)

Success...success in the Lord!

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for finally opening my eyes up to the truth. Thank You for planting Your words into my heart and bringing Your truth to fruition. I promise to remain in Your presence and to live the life that You have planned for me. In Jesus’ Wonderful Name, Amen

*My sincere apologies to anyone named Kevin, or who knows and is related to a person named Kevin. This is a light-hearted and loosely used term that will prompt me to NOT look to a man to complete me!

(Image courtesy of BIBLE ART GALLERY.)

PS: I have truly been blessed today after a tumultuous week, when even my blogging abilities were made fun of; I've received a Best Christian Blog of the Week Award by cybeRanger. What an honour! All glory to God for this one!

Freedom...

The inspiration for this photo art came from Christy's "quotable" post. Thanks Christy!

The inspiration for the quote came from the excitement of a new year, a new season, a new vision to behold, and (as my Facebook friends will know) new hair!

(Photo and quote © Paula C Whitehouse, 2010)

Where I Am At...

It seems like forever since I last posted, but while it actually hasn’t been ‘forever’, a lot has happened. Low patches... incredibly low patches, surges forward, regression, adapting to new ways, removal of the old, and more.

The one constant in all of this...? Our incredible Heavenly Father. Caring for me through His Word, my prayers and the answer to these prayers, friends, family and the reassurance that every trial is building my character and forming me to be the person He knows me to be.

Psalm 46:1-2, 10a from the King James Version reminded me recently of God’s faithfulness –

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea ... Be still, and know that I am God.”

I have learnt many important and valuable lessons over the last month or so, with these verses summing up everything that God has taught me.

At the end of the day He is all I need.
I need not be fearful of anything or anyone.
To hear Him, I need to allow Him in.
Everything is His because He is God and He made, shaped and formed it all.

I’ve learnt lessons on human relationships, sexuality and psychology and how things fit together in God's grand plan. Spirituality, empathy, forgiveness, developing patience and choosing my attitude.

October was a great month...seriously! And November is proving to be even better!

Two other verses sum up the last month or so as they tell of the peace, power and freedom that comes from being a child of the King.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”- Romans 15:13 (NIV)

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves by burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1 (NIV)

Why I Am Free...

As Easter approaches and as my love for and understanding of our Lord Jesus deepens with every trial that comes my way, with every new insight bestowed upon me, and with every reminder that I am actually free, I sat here tonight and perused some of my blog entries and happened upon a Monday Manna post from November on Philippians 3:10-11.

Jesus is the reason I am free in this (but not of this) world, with all the pitfalls, even though I have been pre-destined to live here for as long as our Heavenly Father deems. My life is not my own, despite spending the majority of the last 39 years thinking so; it is His. So, as Easter approaches and Christians around the world prepare to remember our Saviour who died on the cross for our sins, I am going to reflect on the fact that, despite the trials that come my way and smother me, God has my life under control. As I read in The Bullinger Companion Bible only yesterday -

"And the peace of God, surpassing every thought, shall garrison your hearts and thoughts in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:7

God will garrison my heart and "be a watcher in advance...protect...keep" (Strong's Concordance). I need only concern myself with the purpose He has for me while here. Fixing my eyes on Jesus, living as an example of Christ's love for man, showing love, compassion, kindness, understanding and humility as Jesus did; loving until I give my all just as He did. And all the while thanking Him for the sacrifice He made on the cross.

Yes to God Tuesday: "Behind Those Eyes" Review...

The Yes to God Tuesday study on “Behind Those Eyes: What’s really going on inside the souls of women” by Lisa Whittle (and hosted by Lelia at "Write From Heart") was most definitely a gift sent from God for me. Although I did not get to ‘properly’ finish the study with the other ladies due to life getting a bit out of control late last year, I have still been reading through the book, and last night I finished it!

Lisa starts to book with a chapter called “The Truth Hurts”. And it does! Right from that chapter to the end, there were a lot of truths that jumped out and jabbed me right where it hurts the most...in my soul! Lisa finished the book with “The Truth Heals”, which is most poignant as, from cover to cover, this book shows that the truth not only hurts but it heals, and healing is what a lot of women (and men, if truth be known) need in their lives.

“You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” – John 8:32.

Lisa showed us in each chapter about how this verse is so very truth, from covering the various charades that we hide behind (perfection, confidence, happiness and spirituality) to the fact that we use cosmetics (not literally though!) to cover up the blemishes in our souls and how we conceal all that we can about ourselves. But the jewel, the shining light, the beacon of hope, and, as Lisa calls it, "THE REAL DEAL", comes in part three. Fourteen words in two sentences that come straight from the Father to us via Lisa...

“We are completely loved and accepted completely”...“we are completely flawed yet forgiven completely.”

These are 14 words that we need to hear, and 14 words that we need to REALLY believe. God loves us in spite of ourselves. We are the reason why we don’t feel free. We equate freedom to the worldly perspective; what this person thinks of us, to how we look, to why we act the way we do. But God, and let’s thank Him for this, He does not change the way He thinks about us, we don’t have to do anything to impress Him, He made us the way we are and delights in what we consider foibles, and He created us to act, talk, walk, think, sit, eat...just everything really...the way we do.

Isn’t it pleasing, and a relief, to know that we...do...not...need...to...impress...anyone! The only One that matters is already impressed with us!

I think that I am hopeless at life...at times. I think that I fail at doing this or doing that...at times. I sometimes think I laugh too loud, frown too much and daydream a little too often, but the realisation is that this is who I am meant to be has now hit home through reading Lisa’s book. I laugh loud because it’s my way of sharing my joy, I frown too much because I am a deep thinker, and I daydream a little too often because I know that there is more to life than just getting up and doing the same old thing every day.

There are many scribbles in my “Behind Those Eyes” book now, and too many for me to make reference to my favourite quotes from Lisa. Basically, I loved the whole book. It IS truth and it IS a means of freedom for anyone who is trapped in a life of not quite being who you think you should be. If you want to know the person that God planned for you to be, read the book. It will open your eyes, and your soul, to the ‘you’ that God intended. It will teach you that ‘you’ are the reason that your soul is clouded with doubt and fear, and also why freedom in your heart, soul and mind is just that little bit out of your grasp.

In closing, I will quote Lisa who clears up that mystery, when she writes...

“Know this, my sisters and friends: Jesus is the only One who can truly heal our souls, from the inside out.”

There, my friends, is how you can find out “what’s really going on inside” your soul. His truth is simple: He loves us just the way we are (there is that Bridget Jones quote again!). We make it hard as we do not open ourselves up to the truth, which is a truth that WILL set you free.

My Match Up...

I wasn't going to blog tonight; I was going to iron, read and then sleep, but while sitting here reading through some posts of ladies who are going to be doing the Yes To God study alongside me, I felt a familiar little tap on the shoulder. Yes, my daughter was once again having trouble settling to sleep. Now, I don't know what I'm doing wrong at present, if anything, but it's starting to irritate me. It's time to re-think processes and impliment some new routines to get her settled more. Throughout all this I am trying desperately to not get angry and lose my cool, so I thought I would sit here and type out some notes I jotted down in my journal last night after doing some Bible reading in Romans. It applies to how I feel tonight, as I am fighting a battle, matching it up against the enemy, and I'm not happy that I have to do that, so here goes...my thoughts from last night:

"...because anyone who has died has been freed from sin." Romans 6:7

My NIV Study Bible notes tell me that 'has died' refers to the believers death with Christ to sin's ruling power, and that 'freed from sin' is that we are set free from it's shackles and power.

The devil tries, and succeeds at times, to keep a hold over me by infecting my mind with thoughts of inadequacy based on my life now. He uses the daily reminders of my sinful life to keep me from my happy and joyful walk with God. I made mistakes, but God has forgiven the sinner of her sins and has blessed me with all I have now. I am exactly where I am meant to be. My life didn't just happen for no reason at all.

But from this day forward the enemy will not (and I stress the word NOT) rule over my thinking any longer. He uses human form and frailty to achieve his cause, knowing that this is all he has to try to win the world over with. We have God; the Almighty, the Enabler, the Creator of all things. The fight is a mis-match and the enemy knows this. He doesn't play fair.

I don't like the enemy. He uses the people I love to wage his war against me. He uses them as unknowing pawns in his strategic and crafty game against me. I may not know how to play a good game of chess, but God is certainly teaching me how to successfully match up again Satan in the biggest competition of my life!

Now that I've typed this out I realise that I sounded angry, and I guess I was then and still am now. I am angry, very angry in fact, that the enemy uses the people I love against me. I have been set free of sin's shackles and it makes me angry that the enemy keeps trying to bring me down again. As I sit here at my computer desk, I look over at my "God's Promises for Women" perpetual calendar and today is about "My Relationships As a Christian Woman: How to Pray for My Children". How timely is that! The Lord once again speaks to me just when I need it. The verse for today is:

"This is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ." Philippians 1:9-10

Instantly I am softened and can hear God telling me that it is OK to feel like I feel, that it's OK to feel irritated and concerned with this next stage in development. He is also telling me that I must turn to Him for advice, and He will guide me through this next stage and these emotions, if I just let Him do what He has to do.

Dear Lord, Thank you for letting me express my feelings, to get it all out there for analysis. Thank you also for providing me with your Word, once again at the right time. May my love for my daughter become stronger and steadier as I raise her with your hand guiding me as I go. May I also be able to discern what is best. In Your Heavenly Name, Amen.

Freedom From The Past...

Fully letting go of my past – namely the mistakes – is an issue that has cropped up for me from time to time. During my Bible reading last week God led me to some very poignant scripture that has helped me to put some of my past burdens to rest. The scripture has also helped me deal with letting go of things that others in my life have also done.

Aside from the enemy and his constant battle win us over, I’d say that our next greatest enemy is ourselves, but only if we let it be that way. I have suffered from shame, guilt, insecurity, low self-esteem and the like, and all because of not being able to become free of my past. Even in my walk with God I’ve struggled with this, but God told me the following during my Bible reading, and it’s helped to change me and my way of thinking –

“I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.” – Isaiah 44:22


What beautiful words and what spectacular imagery! All my offenses and sins just disappearing into thin air! How wonderful! As I read, and re-read, these words, I felt it actually happening. I visualised myself standing outside in my front yard, and all my hurt and shame being taken from me and lifted up into the sky. Just amazing! God was telling me that it’s all OK Paula, that He’s wiped away my shame, guilt, insecurity and low self-esteem and that He’s now redeemed me.

I then found this next verse, and as I read it I could hear a voice saying “…her sin has been paid for, that she has received from the Lord’s hand double for her sins.” – Isaiah 40:2b.

I checked my NIV Study Bible notes and found this to mean – “…by enduring the punishment of captivity (see Leviticus 26:41)” and also “full (or enough) punishment (cf. the double calamities of Isaiah 51:19)”.

I took this as another word from God. My past has held me captive for too long, I have been punished enough for my sins, and now I’m free. Basically, I’ve done my time for the bad choices in my past, and have the results to show for it, so now it’s time to leave my past where it is, take what I have with me and move forward.

I have my daily reminders of my bad choices, but I also have God with me who loves me unconditionally and more than anyone on earth will ever do, and who will take care of me. He knows what is in store for me, and from where I’m sitting right now it’s looking pretty fantastic! I have no idea of His ultimate plan for me, but I feel that whatever it is, it’s going to be exciting.

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

I am very thankful that God led me to the book of Isaiah and these life changing verses, and I am thankful that the burden of my past has been eased. I love it when God speaks through His word, and especially when the discovery is during an impromptu moment of reading the Bible.