Three and a half years ago a crack appeared in my heart after God planted a seed of truth in my life that, unbeknownst to me, would grow and slowly take me on a journey of ultimate truth, discovery and healing. But not without my heart breaking completely.
Over the last 3 and a half years God slowly and gently - and not so gently - showed me more and more truths that I needed to know. To be honest, God could have kept these truths to Himself because at the time they caused such confusion and heartache! But, He was persistent and kept revealing them to me. And oh, how they hurt! I’ve been through some heartache in my almost 41 years, but never, and I mean NEVER, have I felt anything as painful and devastating as what I went through on this latest journey.
As I get closer to my place of being healed and overcoming the beast that is depression and anxiety, I can now look back with clarity...and thanks to God...that I endured and survived (AMEN!) the changes and growth that He brought into my life.
I was taken to places that I never thought I would go. I discovered things that shocked and disgusted me. And I did things that no woman should be expected to do by someone who supposedly loves her!
It’s taken me a while to forgive and move forward, but I have reached that place now. There are still times when a memory hurts and ALL the pain returns, but it’s not as harsh so I can live with it now. Before, guilt, shame, regret, hurt and all those other icky emotions that the enemy would have me believe, would take over and consume me. But no more! (Sorry Satan...you lose!)
With each playing their respective parts in my life, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit have all lovingly brought me to the place I am at now. The broken pieces of my heart have been pieced back together like a mosaic. Not in the same place, not perfect, but still a work of love – and art – by my Maker.