Wednesday, 9 March 2011


As a divorcee, I know what it means to facilitate the process of divorce. One person decides that they are going to divorce the other, both parties know about it, and both parties then sign the piece of paper that makes it official. Well...I got told today that someone whom I thought of as a friend has “divorced” me from their life. Yes, you could say that this terminology came as a surprise to me, but not as much of a surprise as to why. Even more surprising is the timeline of events leading up to this one-sided “divorce” process.

I perhaps should not post this, but I'm going to because, aside from not naming names, this situation has only highlighted the infallibility of the human condition; the fact that I foolishly give others an undeserving level of respect, and then subsequently get burnt. You’d think after almost 41 years of walking this earth I would know...but I am a slow learner with some things. Another reason for posting this is because it will show you whom it is that you CAN rely upon!

After having gone through almost 3 months of psychologist visits to sort out my own life, I am trying really hard to understand the other person in this situation. I just cannot. I perhaps should have left well enough alone and not said that this person is hurting me by their behaviour towards me, but I deserve respect. Never mind the fact that I had no idea what I had done for this person to do a 180 degree turn and treat me nicely one week and totally ignore me the next!

I read this tweet from @AverageBlackMan on Twitter today - "People will hate you, Parents will provoke you, family will divorce you, but real friends will always build you and God will always love you." It was a timely reminder of where I am to focus my attention during this time of “post-divorce” shock; on God.

He is infallible, unfailing, trustworthy, kind, gracious, loving, honouring, ever-present, reliable...just to name a few of His wonderful traits.

“We are never nearer Christ than when we find ourselves lost in a holy amazement at His unspeakable love.” - John Owen

I got to this place this afternoon; sitting in my car while waiting for my daughter who was at a dancing lesson. I sat for 45 minutes pondering this “divorce” and pondering life in general. After a long 6 months of anxiety attacks, increased anti-depressant medication, illness, a love relationship breakdown, a change in job (to a job that I actually LOVE!), solo parenting a feisty 6 year old girl, financial concerns, and more, I finally realised that I am closer to God than I’ve ever been at any other time in my life.

And that is my hope and my promise; that as a child of the Most High God, He will be with me always and will never do to me all that has been done to me by humans.

He is infallible! He will never divorce me, blame me, mistreat me, ignore me or generally make me feel that everything is my fault.

He just loves me, as my Heavenly Father.

Thank You God.


  1. I suffered a similar loss recently, and it's a hard thing to lay down and let God handle. I keep wanting to beg and plead for another chance because I fear rejection more than anything else. But God will no doubt use this to help me learn to believe in his sufficiency. Ugh! It's hard! I hate it! But it's worth it. Love you're stuck with me!

  2. Hmmm remember I was "divorced" (although she didn't tell me that she was divorcing me - she just cut off all contact) last year? Hurts doesn't it? I wanted to know why etc.....but I guess I will never know.

    My sister gave me the best advice in times like this. She said, "Just 'sow' the relationship and let it die. Then God will be able to bring you more fruitful friendships." And you know that is true. I have more new fruitful friendships now!

    You are a unique, amazing, special woman.I love you so much my friend. xoxoxoxo

  3. Defenitely sorry for your loss Paula, I could also relate to this (am going through something similar at this moment). It happened a couple times I should say, and it just ate me up inside. I was reminded on how King David lived and all he went through with Saul and even his family and friends. We will suffer loss in the Kingdom, just like in a war. Some will live through it to the victory and others might not make it. But we have to trust God that we do. So keep on loving, keep on sowing, keep on believing. God will take you through. Thank you for sharing your heart. I know its blessed me to read this.


  4. Oh Paula! I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've had a few friends 'divorce' me also now that I've decided to be obedient to the Lord and walk in His will and purpose for my life. I love Jo Princess Warrior's comment "My sister gave me the best advice in times like this. She said, "Just 'sow' the relationship and let it die. Then God will be able to bring you more fruitful friendships." And you know that is true. I have more new fruitful friendships now!"

    Our Heavenly Father will never leave us nor forsake us! He loves us unconditionally and will never 'divorce' us. I pray He will comfort you through this. <3