I wasn't going to blog tonight; I was going to iron, read and then sleep, but while sitting here reading through some posts of ladies who are going to be doing the Yes To God study alongside me, I felt a familiar little tap on the shoulder. Yes, my daughter was once again having trouble settling to sleep. Now, I don't know what I'm doing wrong at present, if anything, but it's starting to irritate me. It's time to re-think processes and impliment some new routines to get her settled more. Throughout all this I am trying desperately to not get angry and lose my cool, so I thought I would sit here and type out some notes I jotted down in my journal last night after doing some Bible reading in Romans. It applies to how I feel tonight, as I am fighting a battle, matching it up against the enemy, and I'm not happy that I have to do that, so here goes...my thoughts from last night:
"...because anyone who has died has been freed from sin." Romans 6:7
My NIV Study Bible notes tell me that 'has died' refers to the believers death with Christ to sin's ruling power, and that 'freed from sin' is that we are set free from it's shackles and power.
The devil tries, and succeeds at times, to keep a hold over me by infecting my mind with thoughts of inadequacy based on my life now. He uses the daily reminders of my sinful life to keep me from my happy and joyful walk with God. I made mistakes, but God has forgiven the sinner of her sins and has blessed me with all I have now. I am exactly where I am meant to be. My life didn't just happen for no reason at all.
But from this day forward the enemy will not (and I stress the word NOT) rule over my thinking any longer. He uses human form and frailty to achieve his cause, knowing that this is all he has to try to win the world over with. We have God; the Almighty, the Enabler, the Creator of all things. The fight is a mis-match and the enemy knows this. He doesn't play fair.
I don't like the enemy. He uses the people I love to wage his war against me. He uses them as unknowing pawns in his strategic and crafty game against me. I may not know how to play a good game of chess, but God is certainly teaching me how to successfully match up again Satan in the biggest competition of my life!
Now that I've typed this out I realise that I sounded angry, and I guess I was then and still am now. I am angry, very angry in fact, that the enemy uses the people I love against me. I have been set free of sin's shackles and it makes me angry that the enemy keeps trying to bring me down again. As I sit here at my computer desk, I look over at my "God's Promises for Women" perpetual calendar and today is about "My Relationships As a Christian Woman: How to Pray for My Children". How timely is that! The Lord once again speaks to me just when I need it. The verse for today is:
"This is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ." Philippians 1:9-10
Instantly I am softened and can hear God telling me that it is OK to feel like I feel, that it's OK to feel irritated and concerned with this next stage in development. He is also telling me that I must turn to Him for advice, and He will guide me through this next stage and these emotions, if I just let Him do what He has to do.
Dear Lord, Thank you for letting me express my feelings, to get it all out there for analysis. Thank you also for providing me with your Word, once again at the right time. May my love for my daughter become stronger and steadier as I raise her with your hand guiding me as I go. May I also be able to discern what is best. In Your Heavenly Name, Amen.