Freedom and Love...

God in His goodness is comforting me. I am going through a season of change, and He is my ever-present comfort. My new season is one of freedom.

Freedom from twenty years of shame, guilt and regret.
Freedom from the opinions of others.
Freedom from the lies of the enemy.

“So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.” – Galations 5:1 (NLT)

This verse speaks volumes to me about my freedom. The New International Version talks about the “yoke of slavery”. For me that means not only the slavery to the law but also slavery to the world.

Slavery to the approval of others.
Slavery to incorrect submission.
Slavery to anger and frustration.

I no longer have to be a slave. Christ died on the cross to free me from slavery. To wash me clean from my shame, guilt and regret. To think of how God sees me instead of how others do. To overcome the strongholds that the enemy creates.

“God paid a high price for you, so don’t be enslaved by the world. Each of you, dear brothers and sisters, should remain as you were when God first called you.” – 1 Corinthians 7:23-24 (NLT)

I was fourteen years of age when God first called me. I had always known who God was and that He was part of my life. There has never, ever been a doubt in my mind that He existed. But I wasn’t free. I was still a slave to the world, and there I would remain until I was forty. Twenty-six years of God shaping me to be the woman I am now. His woman, His daughter, His princess and His messenger.

Words cannot truly express the love that I feel at this very point in time for God, and for His Son, Jesus, who He sent to die on the cross for me over 2,000 years ago. No other man will ever love me that much to give up His life for me. That, my friends, is special. That is true love.

I am free, I am loved, and I am His.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You so much for the gift of eternal life that You gave me through Your Son. Thank You for never, ever leaving my side, and thank You for forgiving me and giving me another chance at life with You. In Jesus’ Mighty Name, Amen.

It Wasn't For Nothing...

On this Good Friday I’ve experienced a myriad of emotions; from happiness to sadness, from joy to deep and dark despair. The last week of my life has been pretty intense, but I have survived it. The only answer to how is because God is shown strong in my weakness.

Today I was weak. I was literally unable to move. My despair was debilitating. With an almost 6 year old to look after by myself while still suffering from a nasty head and chest cold, it took everything I had to get through the morning. I was blessed by phone calls of support from two of my best friends who brightened my spirit and provided the much needed diversion from my agony. I was also blessed by laughing uncontrollably at Jasmine learning how to hula hoop! Then, to top it off I was blessed by a friend arranging to meet us at the park for a play date with her daughter.

The biggest blessing of the day, however, was the knowledge that throughout my despair I was able to rest in the comfort that the one man who loves me unconditionally and with an undying love gave His life so I could have mine in eternity with Him. It reminded me that all I do and all I have done is and has not been for nothing.

I was told otherwise during the week and it hurt. It hurt a lot. Miscommunication, misunderstanding, misinterpretation...call it what you may, but to be told “thanks for nothing”...well, that really hurt. Even Jesus wouldn’t say that. You know why? Because everything we do, whether it involves hurt, happiness, a brief encounter or a long lasting relationship, is for something! Jesus dying on the cross was for something. The mere fact that I am raising my daughter alone is for something. To have been married and divorced happened for something.

I believe that to say that anything we did in our life was for nothing is foolish thinking.

In Ecclesiastes we are told that there is a time for everything. God has pre-destined everything that happens in life. Even if the situation we’re in doesn’t work out the way we planned (and I can hear God chuckling already at that notion), it worked out the way God planned it.

The happiness and pure joy I experienced over the last few years of my life happened to give back to me the part of me that I lost when my marriage broke down at age 27. The sorrow and grief I felt back then happened to prepare me for the present day when I find myself travelling life’s road and dealing with the usual emotions that follow when a relationship breaks down.

One verse that kept me going today was Hebrews 12:3 – “Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” I will not fear anything as He has a purpose for me. I will not lose heart when I feel that I cannot cope. I will remember that Jesus suffered more pain and indignation in one day than I will suffer in a lifetime. He has had people say worse things to Him than “thanks for nothing”.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for nurturing me today. Thank You for bringing blessings into my life today that reminded me of Your faithfulness. Thank You for loving me with an undying and unconditional love, despite my faults and failures. Thank You for Jesus. In His wonderful name, Amen.

Our Merciful God Who Forgives...

⁵For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee. (Psalm 86:5, King James Version)

I don't always get it right. I don't take things to God first, or at least I didn't. I do now.

I make mistakes because I'm only human. I think messed up thoughts, I speak crazy words and I do wrong things.

I live with my heart on my sleeve. I am transparent. I am quite happy to say if I am right or wrong. Humility is a learned practice and not something that this world appreciates.

I don't think I have it all together, and will never have it 'complete'. But I know who will.

God. Because He has it all under control.

I do know this though. I serve a Heavenly Father who wants me to be like His Son. Who wants me to demonstrate all the attributes of His Son who came to earth to experience all the hurt, temptations and pitfalls that the human existence offers.

I am to be understanding, forgiving, loving, merciful, gracious, compassionate, kind-hearted and pure. I never thought I could be those things, because I never thought I deserved the love that God offers that allows me to exhibit those fruits of the Spirit.

God has shown me over the last two weeks that I do deserve it. He has allowed me to experience a mixed up yet clear set of circumstances that now has me sitting here at my dining table at 9pm on a Sunday night thankful for the God that I serve. I am blessed that I have the freedom to admit when I'm right and wrong. I am thankful for friends and family who tell me when they think I am right and wrong. I am even more thankful for those who understand the very core of me and accept me for who I am and what I do.

But I am ever so thankful that God loves me, forgives me and shows me mercy because HE. IS. MERCIFUL.

Have you ever met a man, woman or child who is as merciful as God? I have, from time to time, met people who have displayed mercy, but it certainly is a trait that, like humility, is not appreciated by the world.

What do I, or you, have to gain by not showing mercy and forgiveness?

Given that we are instructed to forgive, it is only natural that this include mercy.

Some food for thought here. Some random prattling from me on my take on it all. Understand me or understand me not...God understands and He is here for me.

From today I am moving forward in a direction that I am comfortable with. God has great plans for me that include serving in the church, studying His Word on a more serious level, including Him in my everyday life and not just when it suits me, and being there for others and using my mess as a message. I am travelling with God in my heart and Jesus the Gentleman by my side.

Thank You Heavenly Father for showing me your mercy, graciousness and compassion for my failings and sins. Thank You for forgiving me and being with me - sheltering me under Your wings - during the last two weeks. I thank You for the wealth of knowledge and support that I have received. I pray that understanding abounds all around. I pray I turn to YOU first in everything I do. In Jesus' Wonderful Name, Amen.