How Do You See Forgiveness?

Paula xo

What You Need To Hear...

Longhand Thoughts...

I'm sitting in a cafe as I write this. My favourite thing to do next to my "God-tea" time every evening (and thanks Paula V. for the name!). I have my Bible, a notebook and pen and a much needed coffee. Today I've ordered garlic pizza bread, a small apple crumble and a mug of cappuccino. Delicious!

I have really no idea what to write about today so I'll just start. It's been just over a week since I've posted. This last week of my life was very...how do I describe it really? It was monumental! From the worst anxiety attacked I've ever experienced to finding out - finally - that I start my new job tomorrow. Mix those things in with everything else that comes from both, you could say it's been monumentally huge!

The week has been filled with a myriad of emotions. From feeling wonderfully content to fearful to angry and then to glad. I've been around the emotional merry-go-round one too many times this last week to even think about anymore! But you know the one constant in all of this, besides my WONDERFUL support network? Yes, it's God and His unfailing love for me.

Psalm 25 was a message from God that brought me a lot of peace this week. It's about turning to God and exhorting Him for the wonderful Father He is. It's about asking Him to guide me. Pointing out what He will willingly do for me because He loves me. It's about repenting and laying everything before God so I can accept His mercy and grace and move forward. It's about who God is.

It's a reminder that He is ALWAYS there. Ever powerful, always loving and wonderfully forgiving.

The world may scorn me and push to bring me down, but God's constant presence will keep me walking on the high road. I have discovered a lot of truths about myself over the last week. The fact that I need to learn assertiveness to effectively communicate my needs and wants to others to then reduce my anxiety levels.

I am not someone who is overly shy, but I do feel intimidated easily. If I feel someone is attacking me personally, I retreat. I am a "flight" kind of person opposed to a "fight" kind of person. (But push me enough and the "fight" will emerge!) I am, however, going to learn how to be better grounded in the middle of these two extremes. Between drawing closer to God, and also seeing a Christian psychologist, I am going to become the woman God knows me to really be. The woman that He keeps giving me snippets of just to whet my appetite and keep pursuing Him.

Other events from this last week include the women's connect group I am leading. I am also actively helping, and lending a godly listening ear, to women in need. Women who are where I once was. But more about that in a future post!

Praise God for His goodness and constant presence in my life over the last week, and always! He is changing me and healing me. And I am welcome for both.

On Forgiveness...

An article to share on why it's important to forgive, and the power of God over everything. Read here about how one man - Rob Dale - would be there for someone who needs love...and forgiveness.

God Knows Everything...

How do you forgive someone for things that they don't know that you know about that have hurt you?

Wow, what a crazy question! But seriously...how do you?

If someone has done something that you've found out about, that they don't know you know about, that has directly impacted you - and hurt you...terribly - how do you forgive them? How do you set yourself free from the bondage that it has over you?

This is the dilemma I face at this point in time. And it's hard, and it hurts.

I told God how much it hurt this morning. I asked Him to help show me how to overcome it. He answered with this -

"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea." - Micah 7:18-19 (NIV)

One thing I need to remember is that God knows everything. Yes...GOD. KNOWS. EVERYTHING. And despite knowing everything, He does not stay angry and He shows mercy.

He also knows why we all do the things we do. He knows what is in our hearts and what is on our minds. There is NO fooling God. He knows that one action by us will eventually lead to another being hurt, whether we know it or not. And He knows why others do the things they do. And He knows that such things will hurt us. And, as He showed me just the other night, He hurts because we hurt.

But the great part about God is that despite all of this...despite the sins of others, and our sins against Him, which ultimately is what all our sins are, He forgives us all. The passage above tells us that He "will tread our sins underfoot". He will squash them. He casts them off and remembers them no more.

That is my lesson to learn. As tough as it will be, I need to stop thinking about the sins of others against me. No matter how much I am hurting! I firmly believe that I know what I know because God wanted me to find out. He wanted me to see what was being done against Him - and me - and to know about it so I can be where I am today.

I will never understand why the person who hurt me did these things. I do understand, however, that God does and that is enough for me.

So, every time I start to think about the whys and wherefores of all this, I will stop myself and remember that God knows all and God pardons all. He does not stay angry and neither should I. He shows compassion and so must I. He does not remember our sins, so I must not remember the sins of others, or my sin. I will not forget the hurt, but reliance in God will lessen the pain. And His love for me, and my love for Him, will keep my head held up and my heart whole.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for showing me this valuable lesson. I pray that I am fully able to forgive the sins of others against me, which are sins against you. I pray that the hurt I feel will fade and that my trust in You will increase as You protect my heart from the hurt. In Jesus' Mighty Name, Amen.

In My Circle...

In my circle I have people who...

Battle addiction
Grew up without a father
Are blinded by the evil of the world
Love the same God and Father as I do
Embrace God as their only source of comfort
Live through the pain of rejection on a daily basis
Missed their mother's love as she battled depression

Wait for love, children, healing and freedom from pain
Have seen more suffering in their life than imaginable
Have felt the pain of losing a parent in their youth
Feel a hole in their soul that only God can fill
Trust a Heavenly Father with their all
Experienced the horror of war
Fear going outside

Who do you have in your circle?

Still Pondering Humility...

Can you believe that it's the 1st of February already? Just incredible. What's even more incredible is that I still haven't taken my Christmas tree down...argh! It's this week's project, haha. Well, the other day I posted on being smaller given that my name means 'small', which to me means humility also. Over the next two weeks I am going to concentrate on memorising my third verse for the year to be more humble, small and quiet. (Yes, I will need your prayers!)

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." - James 4:10 (NIV)

I've learnt over the last few weeks that I do need to humble myself before the Lord and wait on Him for guidance. I read yesterday on not grieving or quenching the Spirit. I seem to have been doing that a bit. I am meditating more on that area for improvement also.

Today is also the day to post my next WordList selection - acceptance - but as the 1st has fallen on a Monday, I will post on that in the next couple of days. Acceptance is most apt for this month, given that forgiveness was last month's word. As with all my words for this year, I will be looking upon them from the perspective of living like Jesus. Of adopting His attributes and living in the Spirit and waiting on God's word for guidance.

The last three weeks have been tumultuous with alot of truths being shared, changes made, sins revealed, hearts opened, relationships shifted and weaknesses - and strengths - revealed. I know God has great things planned for me this year. I know that my exit from my wilderness is approaching.

Dear Heavenly Father, as I learn all these new lessons and continue on in my training for the battle, I pray that I can humble myself - limit myself - so that You can lift me up, so that I can honour You and so that I can share Your love with others. I pray for those who do not understand the path that I am on. I pray that I fully understand that same path. I thank You for the blessing of those near and dear to me. For not only their love for me, but their acceptance of me with all my faults and flaws. Praying always in Jesus' Wonderful Name, Amen.

Our Merciful God Who Forgives...

⁵For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee. (Psalm 86:5, King James Version)

I don't always get it right. I don't take things to God first, or at least I didn't. I do now.

I make mistakes because I'm only human. I think messed up thoughts, I speak crazy words and I do wrong things.

I live with my heart on my sleeve. I am transparent. I am quite happy to say if I am right or wrong. Humility is a learned practice and not something that this world appreciates.

I don't think I have it all together, and will never have it 'complete'. But I know who will.

God. Because He has it all under control.

I do know this though. I serve a Heavenly Father who wants me to be like His Son. Who wants me to demonstrate all the attributes of His Son who came to earth to experience all the hurt, temptations and pitfalls that the human existence offers.

I am to be understanding, forgiving, loving, merciful, gracious, compassionate, kind-hearted and pure. I never thought I could be those things, because I never thought I deserved the love that God offers that allows me to exhibit those fruits of the Spirit.

God has shown me over the last two weeks that I do deserve it. He has allowed me to experience a mixed up yet clear set of circumstances that now has me sitting here at my dining table at 9pm on a Sunday night thankful for the God that I serve. I am blessed that I have the freedom to admit when I'm right and wrong. I am thankful for friends and family who tell me when they think I am right and wrong. I am even more thankful for those who understand the very core of me and accept me for who I am and what I do.

But I am ever so thankful that God loves me, forgives me and shows me mercy because HE. IS. MERCIFUL.

Have you ever met a man, woman or child who is as merciful as God? I have, from time to time, met people who have displayed mercy, but it certainly is a trait that, like humility, is not appreciated by the world.

What do I, or you, have to gain by not showing mercy and forgiveness?

Given that we are instructed to forgive, it is only natural that this include mercy.

Some food for thought here. Some random prattling from me on my take on it all. Understand me or understand me not...God understands and He is here for me.

From today I am moving forward in a direction that I am comfortable with. God has great plans for me that include serving in the church, studying His Word on a more serious level, including Him in my everyday life and not just when it suits me, and being there for others and using my mess as a message. I am travelling with God in my heart and Jesus the Gentleman by my side.

Thank You Heavenly Father for showing me your mercy, graciousness and compassion for my failings and sins. Thank You for forgiving me and being with me - sheltering me under Your wings - during the last two weeks. I thank You for the wealth of knowledge and support that I have received. I pray that understanding abounds all around. I pray I turn to YOU first in everything I do. In Jesus' Wonderful Name, Amen.

Forgiveness Leads to Acceptance...

Anger and resentment, and the inability to understand that we're all different, can lead to the inability to forgive. Not being able to step into the other person's shoes and see the situation from their perspective can really inhibit forgiveness. Even if we do not understand, we are still to forgive.

The inability to see another's life through their eyes, and not forgiving people, are two of the most brutal ways that a person can hold themselves back in life and not reach fulfilment. Humans will never agree on everything, we will all have our own opinions, and we will always misunderstand people.

Next month I start on my new word, which is "acceptance". My pastor touched on it today, and I hope I can expand on what he covered over the next month. But for now, I'll concentrate on one last post on forgiveness.

I've spent many years unable to forgive myself for the life I have led; the poor choices, the in appropriate actions, and the filth that has come from my mouth. Even over the last few years, there are a lot of things about myself and my actions that I cringe about now. But this doesn't have to be.

I have sought forgiveness from God and have received it. So thus, I do not need to carry the burden any longer. With my latest change in circumstances and the giving over of my life to God for His purpose, I feel that I finally have truly reached a place of peace within myself. God has answered my prayer, and in such a way that I feel strange as I think that I should be feeling different.

To explain it I have likened it to when you have the hiccups. You try and get rid of them but they keep coming back; but when you do successfully get rid of them, and then the 'feeling' that they will return but don't tends to surprise you. I hope that analogy makes sense. My sense of living in fear of being alone has gone and has been replaced with purpose and peace. But, every now and then I will think of something and I expect the fear to return but it doesn't, and it is taking me by surprise.

So, how does all this tie in with forgiveness? It's the realisation that God has forgiven you that leads to peace and purpose. To be open and transparent about one's weaknesses and ill-performed acts, to see forgive real about it all...that's what assists in the act of forgiveness. That's what it's all about.

I find it interesting that this month started off heading in one direction but ended in a way that I least expected. God is good, and Jesus is near; walking by my side taking the other end of yoke on His shoulders and sharing my burden, making me feel loved and very special. That is one of the reasons that I am doing better than I thought I would at this sudden change in direction in my life. The other reason is that it's the right thing to do...by me, by my daughter, and by God. It's all His doing!

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your presence and forgiveness over my life. Thank You for sending Jesus to take away all these sins that I have racked up. Thank You for allowing Him to walk by my side and to take on this burden. All praise and glory to You. In Jesus' Wonderful Name, Amen

Through Jesus' Eyes...

God is incredible in how He wants us to learn lessons. The worldly view is to get even and to make the other person suffer just as much as how you are. The godly way to deal with wrongs is to forgive and let God avenge us. Week 3 of my month with the word ‘forgiveness’ has been one full of growth.

In my life I have had, and still have, to forgive people for wrongs they do against me and move on from that, as these are people who I have to have regular dealings with. It can be difficult to maintain a godly perspective on forgiveness and I wouldn’t be human if I said that I don’t let my anger and resentment build up. But, in saying that, I have learnt how to let go and move on.

The forgiveness post I did back in July, 2008 set the scene for a whole new perspective on forgiveness for me. The trials I went through in the latter half of last year also did. I learnt to trust God and to move on. I also learnt to be more cautious in my dealings with the people who I’ve had “issues” with. I am too trusting at times, though, and do tend to let my guard down. But...no more!

I feel that it’s part of my battle plan that I incorporate strategic measures to ensure that I don’t become too trusting with some people, only to suffer their ire just because they may be having a bad day, or whatever the case may be.

Some internet research I did on forgiveness over the last week led me to a quote by Catherine Ponder, which I feel is relevant for tonight’s post –

“When you hold resentment towards another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

I really like this quote! It is SO true! I could let unsavoury feelings about those who have wronged me well up and fester into resentment, which would then lead me down the wrong path - the worldly path. What I really like though is that not forgiving someone else actually means that there is an unseen, but very real, bond between you and the other person. And Ponder is right when she says that the “link is stronger than steel”. It can be life shattering.

This leads me to another discovery I made about forgiveness during the week – how it affects your health. Two links that I happened upon include Forgiveness and Health and an article by the Mayo Clinic Staff on Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness. So not only is forgiving someone a godly requirement, but it is also good for your health!

I’ve been a strong believer over the years that resentment, anger, hurts and so on can manifest itself into physical conditions. Ailments include a chest infection from not getting something off your chest; shoulder aches from taking on an extra heavy and unnecessary burden, etc.

I do like the Mayo Clinic Staff article in how it ends with “Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life. As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You may even find compassion and understanding.”

This is awe-inspiring stuff for someone who has been a victim, who has held onto a victim mentality (bearing in mind I now aspire to a victory mentality), and who does not want my life experiences to define who I am now. As for the compassion and understanding...that, for me, comes from Jesus.

Two of my favourite scriptures from 2009 are from Psalm 103 in the New Living Translation –

"3 He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases... 9 He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever."

There, in two verses, is why we should forgive. God forgave us and will heal our diseases, and He will let go and move on. If God can, so should we. How dare we undermine what He says and does by not doing it ourselves?

Not only is forgiveness freeing but it’s the chance to learn, grow and move on. It gives us the opportunity to live healthy lives, and it also helps us to see others through the compassionate and understanding eyes of Jesus.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the wisdom you have bestowed upon me about forgiveness. While in my human form I am feeble and need your compassion and understanding to do this; I get that from Jesus and seeing others through His eyes. Thank you for the blessing from this valuable lesson to forgive others, let go and move on. In Jesus’ Wonderful Name, Amen.

As It Was Before...

It's Monday (12:01am actually and my first scheduled post!) and time to share my weekly 2010 Word List thoughts. Last night's post was to catch up from last week! So, to begin!

I have been writing down notes over the last week or so and my notebook is barely legable to others, but is cram packed with thoughts, verses and notes about forgiveness. As it - forgiveness - is such an important thing to do, and a big act to consider for the first month of a new year, it's certainly worth the while!

The dictionary meaning of forgiveness is –

–noun
1. act of forgiving; state of being forgiven.
2. disposition or willingness to forgive.

To forgive is –

–verb (used with object) 1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3. to grant pardon to (a person).
4. to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

–verb (used without object) 6. to pardon an offense or an offender.

The Strong’s Lexicon shows these meaning and explanations. In Hebrew – cliychah - forgiveness is to forgive, pardon, spare. In Greek – aphesis - it means deliverance, liberty, remission and freedom. What I find really exciting about looking into the Hebrew and Greek meanings of this word, is that the Greek word for forgiveness comes from aphemi, which is to send forth, to go. Delving further in I find that aphemi comes from apo, which means after, ago, before, separation, departure, cessation, completion, reversal, etc. These meanings just go to show that words are not just words, after all; they are a wealth of knowledge to those who delve deeply enough into them! And what knowledge did I glean from these words? In my mind, this means “as it was before”.

God wants our life to be “as it was before”.

Now, I can fully relate to this. In 2009, I endured a couple of rough patches that turned my life upside down...on the inside. On the outside, I didn’t fare too well, but the damage and the hurt affected me more spiritually, mentally and emotionally than anything else. At the time I had absolutely no idea how I was going to move forward or how I was ever going to get passed what had happened. But I did...thanks to God and some wonderful friends who prayed for me and fed me His Word to sustain me.

Their prayers and His Word was what did it; these things taught me that my peace comes from Him alone as He surpasses all level of understanding. This led me to rely on Him for my peace, in my absolute weakness. And I was weak. I didn’t understand what was going on or how I was supposed to deal with the hurt I was feeling. Would I be able to move on? Would I be able to forgive those who really had no idea that they had hurt me so badly, or at all?

Yes and yes. I have been able to move on and I have been able to forgive. And what did this forgiveness do for me? It gave me release, peace and it has allowed me to live my life “as it was before”. I have been able to sustain this new understanding of forgiveness, which has benefited me in many areas of my life. One passage of scripture that has helped me immensely, and that I have used as power verses – medicine, if you like – is Proverbs 4:20-23 (KJV) –

20 My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings.
21 Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart.
22 For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.
23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

Verse 23 is such a blessing and one that I have memorised and remind myself of often to keep my mind focussed on what the real issues are.

Please consider your thoughts on forgiveness; not only of others, but also of self. It will allow you to live “as it was before”. You may not forget all the hurt that occurred, but you will be able to think on it with God’s view; that we are all deserving of forgiveness, we all do not know what we are doing at times, and that we must forgive.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the breakthrough that You and Your Word offered me during my painful times last year. Thank you that I have been able to learn from those experiences and move on; to be able to have it “as it was before”. I praise You for Your grace, and for taking on my pain and making me feel whole again. In Jesus’ Wonderful Name, Amen

Simply Forgiveness...

I’m a bit slow in getting my 2010 Word List posts up and running, but I found some inspiration to prepare this post. My plans for my posts come from my friend Kimberly who will be posting every Monday, as will I. These weekly postings will include various meanings of the word, i.e. dictionary, lexicon, etc, verses, practical application and thoughts. This post contains some thoughts.

To err is human.
To forgive is divine.
~ Alexander Pope

Revenge is natural.
Forgiveness is supernatural.
~ Paul Carlin

These quotes befit not only the simplicity of forgiveness, but also the unnecessary complexity of it. As humans we make forgiveness complex. We hold onto grudges, we remind ourselves, and others, over and over of the wrongs they have done. We revisit the experiences like we revisit a favourite spot, thinking that it may bring us some kind of comfort and peace. But the exact opposite occurs. Revisiting the experience only dredges up the ill-feeling and pain from the past, making it impossible to move on.

This is where God’s simplicity comes into play to make the situation easy to remedy.

Simply forgiveness. Divine and supernatural forgiveness.

It makes sense really. Would you grab a knife and proceed to cut yourself in the same spot over and over? Letting the wound almost heal and then prising it open again only to have to watch and wait for it to try and heal again? No, of course you wouldn’t. Not forgiving someone, including you, is the exact same thing.

Pointless wounding of the spirit, that’s all it is. I am guilty of this, and not only by not forgiving others but by not forgiving myself. It was only last year that I realised by reading Liz Curtis Higgs’ book “Embrace Grace” that I was being ignorant of God and His greatness by not forgiving myself. I learnt that I don’t need to forgive myself as Jesus died on the cross for my forgiveness, but that I do have to forgive others.

Since reading this wisdom, I have left my ignorant thinking with Jesus at the foot of the cross, and I have forgiven those who have wronged me. And it has made such a difference in my life. I have, as I was told the other day, started to see life through Jesus’ eyes. I am starting to let the compassion I have for others help me to not only forgive others, but to share God’s love with people by just being the person God wants me to be. Someone who loves unconditionally cares and shows compassion...and most of all, forgives.

For more reading on this topic, please see my posts on forgiveness and also the source of the quotes on forgiveness above.

1 January 2010 : The Beginning of the New...

The 1st of January, 2010 has been an enjoyable day. My girlie and I went to the cinema to see "The Princess and the Frog". While not a fan of any type of love story (much), I did enjoy this one for it's real characters (as real as one can get in cartoon, that is!). Then it was home for lunch and a rest, and then into the city to visit with friends who are holidaying in Brisbane for a couple of days. Jasmine is now with her dad and grandma, and I am enjoying the solitude but missing my girl already.

As it's a new day, month and year, I have felt very excited about the possibilities for change and for pursuing the vision that God has for my life. With my word for the month being forgiveness, I will be doing some study and meditation on this and posting soon. Another delight from God that I will be studying, meditating on AND memorising is verse number one out of 24 for the year, which is:

"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." - Psalm 119:50 (NIV)

There were SOOO many times during the latter half of 2009 that His promise did literally preserve my life! While I don't think I would have, or could have, done anything fatal to prematurely cease my existence here on earth, there were a few occasions where I wish it was just over. Finished. Kaput! I had had enough and I just didn't, point blank did not, or should that be DID. NOT., want to be here.

I did really know otherwise though. I knew the truth. My 'sane' self kept telling my 'insane' self that I was meant to be here. Praise God for the Holy Spirit sticking so closely by me during those very low patches.

So, what is God's promise? It is His peace, love, grace, mercy, compassion, and also His vision for me. As that is my theme for 2010, I feel that I must look into every circumstance and find what His vision was and is for me. Last year it was to become stronger in myself through Him, and to draw closer to Him. This year...I don't know as yet, but I do feel that my 2010 Word List will help me see what it is.

I love Psalm 119:50 from the King James Version -

"This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me."

The Hebrew word 'chayah' (2421)...'quickened' means to save, revive...basically it means to live. Without Him, without His comfort, which is His hope as noted in verse 49, I would not be where I am today. I would still be, but I would still be struggling.

2010 is going to be an awesome year. I will not have it otherwise and I know that God will not either.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for keeping me nestled safely under your wings in 2009. Thank you for leading me out of the dark depths that tried to envelope me. Thank you for your peace, love, grace, mercy and compassion. I pray for a fruitful 2010 seeking after your vision for my life. In Jesus' wonderful name, Amen.



PS: Join me, and others, over at Extravagant Grace for the 24 Verses in 2010.

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter Seven - Calm Down: I Have Stilled and Quieted My Soul...

This chapter of Self Talk Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild (our Yes to God Tuesday study hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart) is just amazing and although I haven’t been able to write much over the last few weeks, I feel compelled to write on this chapter. The first sentence that stood out to me was this – “Rage simmered just below the surface of my placid demeanor.” Now I don’t profess to have a placid demeanor, but rage certainly does simmer just below the surface. When does that rage come out? At night when both Jasmine and I are tired and she just does not do as I tell her to. It comes out when we are running late in the morning and all I want to do is for her to keep her head still as I do her hair. These are the times when my simmering rage comes out. I’m sorry to say that I am an anger monster, and have been quite a bit of late, but I don’t want to be, hence why Chapter 7 has been so good for me.

Jennifer says in four words something else that hit home when she recounts kicking a hole in the wall – “…I had no excuse.” And she is right; she had no excuse and I have no excuse now to act the way that I do. There are reasons why I feel as I do, but as this chapter goes on to explain, it’s how I react to those reasons then determines the end outcome. And in this area I get a big F for fail.

I always appreciate a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson and this one does not disappoint – “Coolness and absence of heat and hast indicate fine qualities.” I don’t display many fine qualities at times and I really dislike myself for that. Jennifer writes how “Our reactions reveal the temperature inside our thought closet. We can use soul talk to keep the thermostat at a cool and steady temperature. We must learn to still and quiet our souls, to tell our souls to calm down.” Going on this, the temperature of my thought closet would closely resemble what Hades must be like because it gets blazing hot in there. And yes, Jennifer is right in that I must use my soul talk to get my soul to quieten down, and I mean NOW!

And this is why Chapter 7 is so wonderful and amazing. It tells me how I can do that, and I sure do need as much help as I can get! John 14:27 tells us where we can find the peace to help us quieten our soul. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.” Yes, our Lord Jesus telling us simply where we can find the peace we need; in Him and not the world. This is in keeping with my theme for my week, where I have been reminding myself that true peace and happiness only comes from God and will never come from any person or any thing on earth. What great timing. Jennifer then writes that “we need to acknowledge why we have angry, smoldering embers in our thought closets to begin with. We must identify the source of our anger.” Ouch, that in itself hurts!

The next section in the chapter is titled 'Loosen the Grip'. The title explains it all. Yes, we need to loosen the control that we falsely believe that we have over our lives. Outside of, as Jennifer writes “...our attitudes…our responses to circumstances…our choice to seek God…our determination to be still before Him…our choice to acknowledge that He is God – and we are not!” we have no control whatsoever. It’s crazy to think that as Christians we may even think that we have control. We should know better, but we…I…don’t.

Jennifer writes that “So much of the anger in our lives comes from the unmet expectations and frustration that we don’t have ultimate control.” I agree totally! I couldn’t control that my ex-husband decided that other women and substances were more attractive than me. I couldn’t control that my daughter’s father, my now ex-partner, found his addiction more enticing than providing a good home for me and his child. I have no control over the fact that the man I love is separated from me by a vast expanse of water and I don’t know when I’ll see him next. And I now have no control over the fact that outside of providing love, support and prayers, I cannot make my daughter like going to school and after school care any more than I can understand quantum physics (see my postscript below for further on this topic). It frustrates me and also makes me feel helpless, but that is kind of how I’m supposed to feel so I can rely on God.

I thought that because Jasmine was used to being at pre-school all day that she would adapt well to school. I was all too “ready to embrace the mirage” as Jennifer refers to having control over our life events. I miscalculated and was not prepared enough. It’s “a pleasant daydream at best and a cruel fantasy at worst.” Jennifer “has ushered ultimate peace into (her) thought closet" by thinking the following –

“…we recognize that God has ultimate control over our lives and over the world, so we choose to trust Him even when we don’t like or understand His ways. We loosen our tight grip and begin to hold the precious things in our lives with an open hand. We trust His plan, His ways, and His goodness more than we trust our own.”

Jennifer then talks about raising fists to heaven in anger towards God. I have to say that I have never been angry at God for anything that has happened in my life. Having grown up knowing the difference between right and wrong, but still going off the narrow path, it’s not His fault that I am where I am right now. It’s because of Him that I am where I am right now, and as I learnt through Laura from The Wellblog today, if it had not have been for the mistakes I have made I would not have my little girl. My life is not under my control, only certain aspects are. My life is exactly where God knew it would be, and it is under His control.

Jennifer writes that “Peace comes when we loosen our grip and let down our guard before our heavenly Father.” I need to do that so badly that it’s frightening. I knelt down beside my bed the other night and cried big droplet sized tears as I told God why I felt as miserable as I did. Amazingly, I felt better afterwards. I allowed myself to be still for a moment as He instructs us to do in Psalm 46:10 – “Be still, and know that I am God.” I need to know that He IS in control, He IS Lord and Master over all, and that He IS leading me where I am meant to be. I just need to loosen that grip.

The last three sections of this chapter are titled 'Washouts on the Path to Peace', 'Fire in the Closet' and 'Trading Your Anger for Peace'. ‘Washouts’ talks about negative mindsets, anger over adversity and stubborn defiance. Washouts are the things “that will block our journey as we pursue the peace that Jesus grants us.” Regarding negative mindsets, I love how Jennifer writes that “the real source of anger isn’t a tough circumstance or a difficult person; it’s the way we choose to think about that person or circumstance.” I know that to be true only too well every two weeks when Jasmine goes to her father’s house. At the moment I am driving her there and back (approx 2 ½ hours of travel each second weekend) and I start getting anxious about an hour before the weekend even begins.

It is the next section – 'Anger Over Adversity' – that has the most pencil markings in my copy of Jennifer’s book. Jennifer writes that “what I have learned about this matter of adversities and hardships. Accept them. Don’t let them fill you with anger.” I was taught that lesson about 12-18 months ago regarding the situation with my daughter’s father. I react better than I ever used to, but I have let my guard slip lately. Marcus Aurelius says, “How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” Wise words indeed! My reaction to my daughter’s father and his actions are much more detrimental to Jasmine and I than the man himself (also see postscript about this). Jennifer writes that “You can’t often change adverse circumstances, but you can change your reaction to it.”

The last two sections of the book cover using water to quench the flames of the thought closet instead of gasoline. Proverbs 15:1 says that “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I need to be more mindful of how I speak to myself. My “soul needs the water of the Word” for my thought closet. I need to “appreciate” myself and “find truth and speak it to” my soul. “The words you speak to yourself – the thoughts you dwell on, receive, and personalize – can either cause anger to ignite or allow peace to prevail.”

Jennifer writes about Thomas Merton observing that “man is not at peace with his fellow man because he is not at peace with himself, and he is not at peace with himself because he is not at peace with God.” I long to find that peace.

“Since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.” – Romans 5:1-2

“When you have peace with God, you can have peace from God – the peace that Christ brings.”

“So when things heat up, tell your soul to calm down.”

A postscript to this post (even before I publish it) is that I received a revelation through admonishment this evening that my actions, my reactions, and my apparent but not obvious until now ignorance towards the affect that these things have on my daughter is the reason that she is like she is at present. I knew that my angry outbursts and lack of self-control in this area was the cause of hers, but it wasn’t until these words were given to me tonight – “so you are obviously crying a lot and so is she” – that it really dawned on me. Every single little thing that I do is affecting my child and I have been oblivious to it. I have just spent the last 30 minutes lying on the floor listening to Third Day and crying and praying to Jesus and my heavenly Father for forgiveness and guidance. Admonishment, even if in just eleven short words, is difficult to deal with, but it has been the best thing for me after this week. Thank you goes to my faithful admonisher and covering, who I know says what he says with love.

Forgiveness List...

On reading Julie's blog today about Digging Out The Roots, I thought I would write down the areas where I need to forgive others as a means of releasing their hold on me. God knows who I am referring to in my list, as I have already spoken with Him about the people who have left marks on my life in various areas, and will speak to Him again about them, I'm sure.

Forgiveness is SO very important. Jesus forgave on the cross, so we too must forgive. He was, and still is, our ultimate example of how we must live life, with forgiveness being a crucial part of it. So here goes…my list…

I forgive you for not realising that the words you spoke cut me to my core and you hurt me terribly
I forgive you for doing the best you knew how to do at the time, even though it felt like you didn't love me
I forgive you for not understanding what was going on in your head to the point that you had to leave
I forgive you for being held captive to something that still holds you today, so much so that I made you leave
I forgive you for the harsh words you speak towards me and recognise that they come from frustration
I forgive you for not giving yourself as much credit as you should and for not believing in and liking yourself

Please forgive me for not trusting entirely in your love for me, even though you don’t realise this happens
Please forgive me for expecting more than anyone is able to give, even though I know you cannot do this
Please forgive me for taking so long to return to your loving embrace, even though I knew you were always there
Please forgive me for not loving myself enough to forgive others or me, even though you love me so very much
Please forgive me for the unfairness of my behaviour towards you, even though you love me unconditionally
Please forgive me for not setting a better example of how life should be led, even though I know I am able to

It’s a strange list when I read back over it, but one that I need to write, and also one that I need to re-read periodically to remind myself of the importance of forgiveness.

“Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."” Luke 23:34a. I wonder as I read this verse if this could also apply to Jesus stepping in for us and asking God to forgive us for not forgiving others. Maybe or maybe not, but these words that He spoke as He hung there on the cross dying for our sins are very poignant. We don’t always know what we’re doing and thus we mistreat others, and others mistreat us because they don’t always know what they’re doing. But we, a Christians, must forgive! There is no deviation on that instruction from our Father.

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” - Matthew 6:14-15

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the provision of being able to forgive others and also to ask for forgiveness for ourselves. We, as humans, are fragile creatures who do not always know what we are doing. But it is through your grace that we have the means to find out what we must do, and that is to seek you for forgiveness and the ability to forgive. In Your Wonderful Name, Amen.

Forgiveness...

One of the hardest things to do in life is to forgive. And that’s not only forgiving others of wrongs against us, but forgiving ourselves for the less than desirable things that we have done in our lives. Being unable to forgive is not a good thing. It stops us from moving on in life to where God wants us to be.

“Resentment kills a fool and envy slays the simple.” Job 5:2

How do we do this then? How do we forgive and move on? By realising and accepting that we cannot change the past; that people do make mistakes, including ourselves, and that forgiveness will release the other person, and us, from wrong doings and bad choices.

Most importantly is what is stated in Matthew 6:14-15 –

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Basically, God will not forgive us if we don’t forgive others. He forgave us all our sins when we accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior and we didn’t deserve it, so we must also forgive others, even if we think they don’t deserve it either. Ecclesiastes 7:9 sums it up nicely in that, “only fools…hold a grudge.”

Forgiveness isn’t a bargaining tool. It’s not a means of gaining payback. It’s unconditional and it’s a release. Only God should avenge you, not yourselves (Romans 12:19).

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you will forget what happened. It just means that you need to build up a level of trust again with the forgiven person and be more mindful of your dealings with them. If the person you need to forgive is yourself, then you need to set boundaries with yourself, and also have confidence in yourself to ensure you don’t make the same mistakes again. Don’t tell yourself you can’t do it, because you can. Ask God to help you.

Forgiving can be easier to achieve by moving on instead of dwelling on what happened. Put it out of your mind and replace it with positive and constructive thoughts. You cannot change the past, but you can learn from it. God uses our bad experiences to help us grow. Remember He has everything under control (Romans 8:28).

Remember to be thankful that you have been forgiven of all your sins through Jesus, and also be thankful that you are able to forgive others. Be like Jesus and just forgive (Luke 23:34). Wipe the slate clean, learn from the experience and move on. And most importantly, enjoy the freedom that forgiveness gives not only you but the other person.