Sunday, 21 November 2010
I'm sitting in a cafe as I write this. My favourite thing to do next to my "God-tea" time every evening (and thanks Paula V. for the name!). I have my Bible, a notebook and pen and a much needed coffee. Today I've ordered garlic pizza bread, a small apple crumble and a mug of cappuccino. Delicious!
I have really no idea what to write about today so I'll just start. It's been just over a week since I've posted. This last week of my life was very...how do I describe it really? It was monumental! From the worst anxiety attacked I've ever experienced to finding out - finally - that I start my new job tomorrow. Mix those things in with everything else that comes from both, you could say it's been monumentally huge!
The week has been filled with a myriad of emotions. From feeling wonderfully content to fearful to angry and then to glad. I've been around the emotional merry-go-round one too many times this last week to even think about anymore! But you know the one constant in all of this, besides my WONDERFUL support network? Yes, it's God and His unfailing love for me.
Psalm 25 was a message from God that brought me a lot of peace this week. It's about turning to God and exhorting Him for the wonderful Father He is. It's about asking Him to guide me. Pointing out what He will willingly do for me because He loves me. It's about repenting and laying everything before God so I can accept His mercy and grace and move forward. It's about who God is.
It's a reminder that He is ALWAYS there. Ever powerful, always loving and wonderfully forgiving.
The world may scorn me and push to bring me down, but God's constant presence will keep me walking on the high road. I have discovered a lot of truths about myself over the last week. The fact that I need to learn assertiveness to effectively communicate my needs and wants to others to then reduce my anxiety levels.
I am not someone who is overly shy, but I do feel intimidated easily. If I feel someone is attacking me personally, I retreat. I am a "flight" kind of person opposed to a "fight" kind of person. (But push me enough and the "fight" will emerge!) I am, however, going to learn how to be better grounded in the middle of these two extremes. Between drawing closer to God, and also seeing a Christian psychologist, I am going to become the woman God knows me to really be. The woman that He keeps giving me snippets of just to whet my appetite and keep pursuing Him.
Other events from this last week include the women's connect group I am leading. I am also actively helping, and lending a godly listening ear, to women in need. Women who are where I once was. But more about that in a future post!
Praise God for His goodness and constant presence in my life over the last week, and always! He is changing me and healing me. And I am welcome for both.