On Jesus and Trust...

Is it OK for me to take a leaf out of Jesus’ book and decide to not entrust myself to others? Jesus did that in John 2 after many people began to trust Him on seeing the miraculous signs He performed. However, “He didn’t trust them, because He knew human nature. No one needed to tell Him what mankind is like.” (John 2:24-25 NLT)

Jesus was obviously a smart man. He knew the real deal because, basically, He came from God (the real deal) and so thus was, and is, the real deal. We, as humans, have to learn the real deal, and as I’ve found out, it’s tough. But I can understand exactly why Jesus chose not to trust, because I am at that place now.

In Matthew 9:4 He asked some teachers of religious law why they have such evil throughs in their hearts. On the outside they spoke forgiveness, but on the inside their hearts were evil. Not much seems to have change for some people in the 2000 plus years since.

The internet and social media has paved the way for many people today to justify the evilness in their hearts as sharing, educating, etc. Blog posts, tweets, you name it and some people are doing it. Even I am guilty of having a dig at others and letting the evil that is in my heart (because, let’s face it, we’re only human so we ALL have it) bubble up on the outside. But this is something that I’m training myself not to do. I can be a down right bee-atch at times, and pity the poor person who suffers my wrath. Let’s just say that geographical distance between me and some people has been a literacy godsend for me and them! But, with the wisdom of my Father God, the love of Jesus, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I am learning – rather quickly – to keep my evil thoughts between God and I. Others, hmmm, not so much from what I can see.

What appears to me as an attempt to prove a point has convinced me that a decision I recently made was a right one. Through the prompting of the Holy Spirit I decided to grant myself some space in a certain area of my life. This then appeared to be not acceptable and expectations were set, and I retreated based on feeling threatened and cajoled. I know who I am; I know how to process hurt and humiliation, so I knew that I needed space. I did not, and still do not, regret the decision to ask for space. And why? It’s because of John 2:24.

I don’t feel that I’ve misinterpreted what I’ve seen and read, but I do feel that I’m justified in feeling as I do, and in making the choice I made. Jesus made that choice too. The Bible doesn’t say must forget after we forgive. God says we must be cautious after we are hurt and forgiveness is granted. And I’m sure God wouldn’t want salt rubbed into a wound either.

No matter how you claim to live, but God’s grace or your own, having your actions cause someone to no longer trust you with their heart is a big deal; part of the real deal.

So, be careful with people’s hearts, especially your own. Whether your interactions are face-to-face or online, just be careful. The heart knows the truth of how it feels, and mine surely does. I’m OK with no longer trusting some people, and I’m sure that Jesus is OK with that too.

Feeling Jesus...

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When you look at other people, what do you see? What thoughts about them cross your mind?

Do you wonder what they do in their spare time? Do you wonder what sort of life they've had ... are having now?

Have you ever thought that Jesus already knew all this when He saw people?

He had an advantage that we never will.

But we can still see others as Jesus does.

In what ways do you remind yourself to see others as Jesus does? Do you remember a particular scripture? Do you 'feel' Jesus inside you?

Using Mental Illness As a Cop Out...

I have a mental illness; I suffer from depression and anxiety. And I take little white pills to help me cope with my illness. Over the last two weeks of my life I have descended into some pretty low places, even having thoughts about "that" but knowing that I would never do it. I have had angry outbursts and occasionally behaved in ways that I should not have. But throughout all of this, I have never disrespected someone to the point where I have hurt them deeply. This I know, because everyone who I have had dealings with over the last two weeks is still speaking to me, and loving me just the same!

The same can't be said for others I know that suffer from a mental illness and how they have treated me. I know that mental illness does CRAZY things to one's brain; I go there all the time, I KNOW! But having a mental illness should not be license to disrespect people and hurt their feelings, and avoid them like they have the plague!

My feelings have been hurt (can you tell?). Someone whom I thought was a friend and a support, for reasons of their own mental illness, hurt my feelings badly. We are now not speaking outside a hello, goodbye and occasional unavoidable communication that we still must have.
As I am a flight person I have left this person alone. But it still hurts. I would desperately love to be a fight person and sort out what the issue is and mend bridges, but with dealing with my own mental illness at this point in time I am avoiding what could possibly be a confrontational situation. In fact, I'm avoiding all confrontational situations at this point in time!

But it got me thinking how some people with mental illness will use the illness as a cop out for not really dealing with the issue at hand; themselves. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the word, and I will be the first to apologise for any crazy, mental illness related behaviour, but I am dealing with mine.
I don't like to be hurt and I don't like to hurt others. But why should I use my mental illness to deflate others? I shouldn't. Should I use my mental illness as a crutch to get through life? No, I shouldn't. Should I put every negative thing I do down to the fact that I have a mental illness? No. But why not? More like, why for? What does it gain?

It loses friends for you, it makes others uncomfortable, it hurts people and it scars! It also stops the person from confronting - really dealing with - the issue at hand; the issue of their mental illness. The fact that they need to actively get help to get better.

Now I don't know what this person is doing to get better, but I do know that I am praying that healing comes. I recognised all the signs in this person as I have acted the same. So, I knew what was coming. But, nevertheless, it still hurts.

If you have a mental illness, don't let it define who you are or use it as an excuse to live out your illness and hurt others. People deserve better, especially when they don't understand all there is to know about mental illness. I'm blessed in that I do know and I've cut this person some slack and provided space. Others may not be so blessed.

In My Circle...

In my circle I have people who...

Battle addiction
Grew up without a father
Are blinded by the evil of the world
Love the same God and Father as I do
Embrace God as their only source of comfort
Live through the pain of rejection on a daily basis
Missed their mother's love as she battled depression

Wait for love, children, healing and freedom from pain
Have seen more suffering in their life than imaginable
Have felt the pain of losing a parent in their youth
Feel a hole in their soul that only God can fill
Trust a Heavenly Father with their all
Experienced the horror of war
Fear going outside

Who do you have in your circle?