What I'm Learning...

A lot!

From God's perfect faithfulness in Isaiah 25:1, to how He helps when the enemy attacks in Psalm 86. From how Christ did not please himself in Romans 15:3a, and how I need to submit myself to God in James 4.

So many lessons! So much relevance! So much thankfulness!

The stand out lesson has been through Daniel and how he "purposed in his heart..." (Daniel 1:8 NKJV) to honour God. I have never read a devotional that was so relevant before until I read one from UCB Australia on the 17/7/09. Life doesn't always go the way I want it to. I will face opposition and hardship. It's how I react to those things that matters. If I take control in small things and leave the big things to God, then the journey I'm on will be a smoother one.

As I said ... so many lessons! So much relevance! So much thankfulness!

From these gems above to the wisdom gleaned from Liz Curtis Higgs book, Embrace Grace and Charles R. Swindoll's A Life Well Lived. Then there are emails from my wonderful friend Lelia sharing what she has learnt! I have been blessed ... and blessed ... and blessed. I cannot just post on one thing, as there are so many things that He is showing me. It's kind of doing my head in, but tonight I've felt some clarity of mind, so hence this post!

The importance of focussing on Jesus and the life He lived. Of staying close to God and remembering His strength in my weakness. And of living as one in the world but not of the world.

Again ... so many blessings. So many lessons learnt after the fact. The best way to learn at times!

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You so much for the blessings that you bestow upon me. Thank you for standing by me as I go through the trials of this life I live. Thank you for comforting me when I need it most. Thank you for reminding me that while I'm on this earth, I am not alone as you are with me. Thank you mostly for taking on board my frustrations, confusion, misunderstandings and dilemmas and returning to me only peace and understanding. In Jesus' Wonderful Name, Amen.

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter 1 - An Open Door...

It's been a long time between Yes to God Tuesday posts, so welcome to the US summer/Australian winter study on Liz Curtis Higgs' already wonderful book, "Embrace Grace". The study is hosted by Lelia at Write From The Heart. Pop on over and see her ... you are in for a treat!

Now, to this week's chapter. From turning the first page of this chapter, to the end, it was amazing. And, it’s only the start of the book! I am SO looking forward to what the remainder of Liz has to offer.

“See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut.” – Revelation 3:8

First chapter … first page … first verse … first new revelation.

It’s a comforting promise from our Heavenly Father that needs to be remembered. No one can shut the door to Him on us. The enemy may try through various means, but it just cannot be shut.

I love the way this book is written. Liz’s manner of communicating with her reader – of talking to her like she is sitting in the same room – is refreshing. She opens the book with, “I’ve been waiting for you.” It sounds like someone else we know – our Heavenly Father, who is waiting for us to dig deeper into His Word and do just what Liz suggests and embrace grace.

Liz points out that while she does not know some things about her readers, there are some things that she knows. How we “...need to be loved unconditionally, the desire to live a life that truly matters, the longing to shed a tightly woven mantle of guilt.”

The old wool coat analogy Liz uses is so apt. “...am I the only woman who wears past failures and present mistakes like an old wool coat, scratchy and uncomfortable, chafing the skin around my neck?” No, she is not, hence why she knew to write this book.

I’ve been able to take my old wool coat off over this last week or so. A couple of totally unexpected occurrences have cropped up that have not only shaken me but made me stronger. These instances have made me stand up for who I am and remember, not just wonder; who I am in God’s eyes and in the lives of significant people in my life.

The enemy wants me to keep putting that old wool coat on, but living here in Brisbane, even in the cooler months, it is just a little too stifling to even consider. Amen and thank the Lord for strengthening of character and a realised sense of worth.

So now, let’s get back to the book. Liz points out that “No one can sense our warmth through the thick fabric (of the old wool coat).” I scribbled after that in the book – “Not even I can.” To me that is pretty heavy stuff and a timely realisation considering the events of late. I have been struggling for a long while now to see myself how God and other people see me; now I can. My warmth is starting to rub off on me. Maybe I’m finally starting to like myself?

Liz writes that “Maybe it’s time to release that burden and lift our arms toward the One who loves us most.” Yes, it is time. Oh, how it’s time! “Take hold of the life that is truly life”, it says in 1 Timothy 6:19. Take hold of “The forgiven life...the grace-filled life.”

The chapter moves through with quotes from other women who feel exactly the same about themselves as I do about me. Liz reminds us that “The battle is genuine, yet the grace of God prevails.”

Liz also reminds us to not look for comfort in humans. “Be assured, no one —man, woman, or child —says “I love you” with more certainty than the Lord ... When your friends and loved ones fail you, God remains by your side, steadfast and true.” My experiences over the last two weeks are proof of that. God was with me through my trials; embracing me, holding me upright, comforting me and reassuring me. Yes, others were able to provide some relief and comfort, but it was God, in my alone and fearful times, who really pulled me through.

One of the questions Liz asked at the end of the chapter was, “What words do you wish God would whisper in your ear?” My answer was that I’m going to be OK, that I don’t have to feel alone and rejected, and that my heart will be made whole again. He has spoken these words to me as I am OK, I don’t feel alone or rejected and my heart feels whole once again.

Liz then asked “Are all things possible with God? How can you be sure of your answer?” Yes, they are possible. I’ve seen Him provide and heal. I’ve seen Jesus standing in front of me, I’ve felt Him reach out and touch me and I’ve heard His voice say that it’s OK. I’ve had prayers answered instantly and I’ve had immediate healing. All things ARE possible with God, including the promise of me being able to embrace grace and walk on in my forgiven life.

Praying Psalm 25:7...

"Remember me for who I am now. Release me from my past and my sins. Bless me with your lovingkindness." - PCW

Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O LORD. - Psalm 25:7 (KJV)

The Great I Am...

From the book, "An Untroubled Heart" by Micca Campbell -

"God is worthy of our honour because He is the creator of heaven and earth. He is Lord over all. He is the King of Kings. He is the beginning and the end. He is everlasting. His glory fills the whole earth. He is grace, truth, love, light, and life. He doesn't change, and He needs no help. His greatness is unsearchable. He is the judge of righteousness, the one and only Lawgiver. He knows our secrets and examines our hearts. He sees everything and knows all about us. He is full of loving-kindness. He was moved to save us from sin. He is merciful. He has incomparable power and strength. Nothing is too difficult for Him. He is everywhere. The highest heaven cannot contain Him, He names the stars. He has unlimited understanding. He doesn't want anyone to perish. He's slow to anger and abounds in love. He lives with the humble and does no wrong. No one can stop Him, nor can they flee His presence. He is ruler of all things. He alone is God.

"You were shown these things so that you might know that the LORD is God; beside him there is no other." - Deuteronomy 4:35"

If anyone ever wants to know who God is...this is He...the great I AM.

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter 2 - The Fear Factor...

A different type of Yes to God Tuesday post here (as well as being 5 days late!), as my brain is sapped of creativity tonight to write a ‘normal’ post. Instead of sharing my thoughts (they’re scribbled in the margins of the book), I’m going to share the Word; verses that Micca Campbell used in her book "An UnTroubled Heart", and written here under the headings in which she uses them. All verses are from the New International Version.

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

By God’s Grace –

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.: - 1 Corinthians 15:10

The Introduction of Fear –

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" – Genesis 3:1

Be Careful Where You Step –

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” – James 4:7

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." – Hebrews 13:5b

“Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.” – Ephesians 6:11

It is by God’s grace we are free to not feel fear. It is by the enemy’s will that we are made to feel fear. It is through submitting to the Word of God that we learn how to be cautious of that fear. It is through remembering God’s Word to us that we feel comfort in the face of fear. It is through putting on God’s armour that we overcome fear.

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter 1 - When The Unthinkable Happens...

Welcome to Chapter One of the latest Yes to God Tuesday study hosted by Lelia at Write From The Heart. The book we are studying is “An Untroubled Heart” by Micca Campbell. Please check out Micca’s blog page Reflections. I am blessed to be doing this study thanks to Lelia and Micca and this book has come along at the right time for me (like all the books I’ve studied with the Yes to God Tuesday study group actually). This book is extra special and that is just from the tagline – “finding a faith that is stronger than all my fears”.

In Chapter One Micca recounts her “unthinkable” - the tragedy that left her a widow at the age of 21 with a baby. What began as a lifetime of hope and promise ended with Micca losing her husband and questioning why God would do that to her. It’s a powerful yet heart warming story and reflects the true nature of a very brave yet humble woman.

The lesson that Micca learnt was that she was, and is, not alone, even though she felt totally and utterly alone at the time. She also learnt that her present fears at that time, about losing someone else close to her, were fuelled by her past experiences. Yes, Micca had, and has, every right to feel fearful that she would lose someone close to her again. She suffered such tragedy. I can relate to Micca on that, but not with losing a loved one through death, but losing someone through separation and divorce. My marriage broke down when I was 27. I had been married since I was 20 and I was floored. I lived away from my family, had only recently moved to where we were living and now was being left by the man who stood in a church and promised to love me until death do us part. Even 12 years later I am still fearful that the same will happen to me again now.

But I need not be fearful, and this is a lesson that God has been slowly teaching me of late, hence why the timing of this book study is spot on. I have God in my life, and am so very blessed by that. I left Him a long time ago, but I now know that He never left me. Since then I’ve battled with making sense of my past; my divorce and subsequently my now broken relationship with my daughter’s father. I ask myself why on many, many occasions. I asked the question earlier this week when I was sitting in the counsellor’s office pouring my heart out to try and make sense of why I feel like I do.

Micca gives the answer – “…our past will never make sense until we invite God into our present. Then we will see He has been there all along.” I know that He has been but I was just blinded to the fact of how magnificent He is and how He works everything for His good. It’s a tough ask to understand and accept that everything that happens to us is already pre-written in God’s book. But it’s something that I understand to be true.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” – Psalm 139:16

Like with Micca’s husband, God didn’t take my ex-husband from me through divorce. He simply let us be together for the number of years that He had pre-ordained so that we would both be where we are today. God didn’t leave me alone for me to make the wrong choice and end up having a child out of wedlock with my daughter’s father. He simply gave me enough rope so that He could facilitate the gift of my daughter being born. He has a purpose for everything.

Psalm 46:1 tells how, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” These are the words I’ve needed to read, and was so very thankful that Micca’s book arrived in the mail when it did on Monday. I have been feeling totally and utterly trapped and alone for quite a few months, and although I can feel God’s presence with me I haven’t let His presence get to my core due to the fact that I have been beating myself up over the bad choices I’ve made. These bad choices led me to be given the gift of my daughter, so I now realise that they weren’t as bad as I once thought but more so exactly where God wanted, and wants, me to be.

In saying that, I have to admit that I haven’t let God’s ever-present help filter in. “God’s help is available the moment we humble ourselves and cry out to Him.” My mistake is I cry out to others; people who I know care and I can get support from, with God always as a second option. Mis – take! A BIG mistake!

James writes how we must “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds…” (James 1:2) What?! How can that be so? It IS so, and like Micca I have questioned James’ reasoning, but he is exactly right. Trials bring on a testing of our character, a growth and expansion, a level of maturity that we would never gain from just living worldly lives. Trials bring us so much. They bring us closer to God as we rely on Him more, and He brings joy into our lives through these trials. This makes no sense whatsoever from a worldly perspective, but thank the Lord that it makes sense from the perspective from where I’m looking from.

Although hard to deal with when it’s happening, trials, with all the associated emotions that come along for the ride, do bring us joy. Trials develop endurance and perseverance, which then results in us becoming more mature, developing more patience and leading to a feeling of completeness or wholeness. Micca writes how nice it would be to reach this stage without the trial but “However, these are the ways of God”. When we “can look at the end result of what our testing is accomplishing, then we can find joy in the midst of it.” It’s just like when I discipline my daughter; she does not see joy in it at the time, but unbeknown to her there is such a great reward in what I am doing. I am developing her character. I am strengthening her. And this is what God does with us. Not that He brings trials upon us, or makes us suffer; He uses the trials we go through to make us stronger for Him.

In the study questions at the end of the chapter Micca prompted us to “Write a prayer thanking God for the good work He is doing in your and for helping you to conquer your fears in the process. Thank Him for being an ever-present help.” Here is my prayer –

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for never leaving my side, and for always being the ever-present help that you are, even though I don’t always turn to you first. Thank you for guiding me and strengthening me so that I can overcome my fear of man and look only to you for completeness. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

PS: This quote happened along the day after I read the chapter, so I thought I’d include it in my post as it is most appropriate –

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller

PPS: I almost forgot! This is my 100th post and I'm honoured to have a Y2GT study as the content, as Lelia has blessed me over and over since our paths crossed on Blogger. Amazing lady, amazing life, and an amazing faith.

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter Seven - Calm Down: I Have Stilled and Quieted My Soul...

This chapter of Self Talk Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild (our Yes to God Tuesday study hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart) is just amazing and although I haven’t been able to write much over the last few weeks, I feel compelled to write on this chapter. The first sentence that stood out to me was this – “Rage simmered just below the surface of my placid demeanor.” Now I don’t profess to have a placid demeanor, but rage certainly does simmer just below the surface. When does that rage come out? At night when both Jasmine and I are tired and she just does not do as I tell her to. It comes out when we are running late in the morning and all I want to do is for her to keep her head still as I do her hair. These are the times when my simmering rage comes out. I’m sorry to say that I am an anger monster, and have been quite a bit of late, but I don’t want to be, hence why Chapter 7 has been so good for me.

Jennifer says in four words something else that hit home when she recounts kicking a hole in the wall – “…I had no excuse.” And she is right; she had no excuse and I have no excuse now to act the way that I do. There are reasons why I feel as I do, but as this chapter goes on to explain, it’s how I react to those reasons then determines the end outcome. And in this area I get a big F for fail.

I always appreciate a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson and this one does not disappoint – “Coolness and absence of heat and hast indicate fine qualities.” I don’t display many fine qualities at times and I really dislike myself for that. Jennifer writes how “Our reactions reveal the temperature inside our thought closet. We can use soul talk to keep the thermostat at a cool and steady temperature. We must learn to still and quiet our souls, to tell our souls to calm down.” Going on this, the temperature of my thought closet would closely resemble what Hades must be like because it gets blazing hot in there. And yes, Jennifer is right in that I must use my soul talk to get my soul to quieten down, and I mean NOW!

And this is why Chapter 7 is so wonderful and amazing. It tells me how I can do that, and I sure do need as much help as I can get! John 14:27 tells us where we can find the peace to help us quieten our soul. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.” Yes, our Lord Jesus telling us simply where we can find the peace we need; in Him and not the world. This is in keeping with my theme for my week, where I have been reminding myself that true peace and happiness only comes from God and will never come from any person or any thing on earth. What great timing. Jennifer then writes that “we need to acknowledge why we have angry, smoldering embers in our thought closets to begin with. We must identify the source of our anger.” Ouch, that in itself hurts!

The next section in the chapter is titled 'Loosen the Grip'. The title explains it all. Yes, we need to loosen the control that we falsely believe that we have over our lives. Outside of, as Jennifer writes “...our attitudes…our responses to circumstances…our choice to seek God…our determination to be still before Him…our choice to acknowledge that He is God – and we are not!” we have no control whatsoever. It’s crazy to think that as Christians we may even think that we have control. We should know better, but we…I…don’t.

Jennifer writes that “So much of the anger in our lives comes from the unmet expectations and frustration that we don’t have ultimate control.” I agree totally! I couldn’t control that my ex-husband decided that other women and substances were more attractive than me. I couldn’t control that my daughter’s father, my now ex-partner, found his addiction more enticing than providing a good home for me and his child. I have no control over the fact that the man I love is separated from me by a vast expanse of water and I don’t know when I’ll see him next. And I now have no control over the fact that outside of providing love, support and prayers, I cannot make my daughter like going to school and after school care any more than I can understand quantum physics (see my postscript below for further on this topic). It frustrates me and also makes me feel helpless, but that is kind of how I’m supposed to feel so I can rely on God.

I thought that because Jasmine was used to being at pre-school all day that she would adapt well to school. I was all too “ready to embrace the mirage” as Jennifer refers to having control over our life events. I miscalculated and was not prepared enough. It’s “a pleasant daydream at best and a cruel fantasy at worst.” Jennifer “has ushered ultimate peace into (her) thought closet" by thinking the following –

“…we recognize that God has ultimate control over our lives and over the world, so we choose to trust Him even when we don’t like or understand His ways. We loosen our tight grip and begin to hold the precious things in our lives with an open hand. We trust His plan, His ways, and His goodness more than we trust our own.”

Jennifer then talks about raising fists to heaven in anger towards God. I have to say that I have never been angry at God for anything that has happened in my life. Having grown up knowing the difference between right and wrong, but still going off the narrow path, it’s not His fault that I am where I am right now. It’s because of Him that I am where I am right now, and as I learnt through Laura from The Wellblog today, if it had not have been for the mistakes I have made I would not have my little girl. My life is not under my control, only certain aspects are. My life is exactly where God knew it would be, and it is under His control.

Jennifer writes that “Peace comes when we loosen our grip and let down our guard before our heavenly Father.” I need to do that so badly that it’s frightening. I knelt down beside my bed the other night and cried big droplet sized tears as I told God why I felt as miserable as I did. Amazingly, I felt better afterwards. I allowed myself to be still for a moment as He instructs us to do in Psalm 46:10 – “Be still, and know that I am God.” I need to know that He IS in control, He IS Lord and Master over all, and that He IS leading me where I am meant to be. I just need to loosen that grip.

The last three sections of this chapter are titled 'Washouts on the Path to Peace', 'Fire in the Closet' and 'Trading Your Anger for Peace'. ‘Washouts’ talks about negative mindsets, anger over adversity and stubborn defiance. Washouts are the things “that will block our journey as we pursue the peace that Jesus grants us.” Regarding negative mindsets, I love how Jennifer writes that “the real source of anger isn’t a tough circumstance or a difficult person; it’s the way we choose to think about that person or circumstance.” I know that to be true only too well every two weeks when Jasmine goes to her father’s house. At the moment I am driving her there and back (approx 2 ½ hours of travel each second weekend) and I start getting anxious about an hour before the weekend even begins.

It is the next section – 'Anger Over Adversity' – that has the most pencil markings in my copy of Jennifer’s book. Jennifer writes that “what I have learned about this matter of adversities and hardships. Accept them. Don’t let them fill you with anger.” I was taught that lesson about 12-18 months ago regarding the situation with my daughter’s father. I react better than I ever used to, but I have let my guard slip lately. Marcus Aurelius says, “How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” Wise words indeed! My reaction to my daughter’s father and his actions are much more detrimental to Jasmine and I than the man himself (also see postscript about this). Jennifer writes that “You can’t often change adverse circumstances, but you can change your reaction to it.”

The last two sections of the book cover using water to quench the flames of the thought closet instead of gasoline. Proverbs 15:1 says that “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I need to be more mindful of how I speak to myself. My “soul needs the water of the Word” for my thought closet. I need to “appreciate” myself and “find truth and speak it to” my soul. “The words you speak to yourself – the thoughts you dwell on, receive, and personalize – can either cause anger to ignite or allow peace to prevail.”

Jennifer writes about Thomas Merton observing that “man is not at peace with his fellow man because he is not at peace with himself, and he is not at peace with himself because he is not at peace with God.” I long to find that peace.

“Since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.” – Romans 5:1-2

“When you have peace with God, you can have peace from God – the peace that Christ brings.”

“So when things heat up, tell your soul to calm down.”

A postscript to this post (even before I publish it) is that I received a revelation through admonishment this evening that my actions, my reactions, and my apparent but not obvious until now ignorance towards the affect that these things have on my daughter is the reason that she is like she is at present. I knew that my angry outbursts and lack of self-control in this area was the cause of hers, but it wasn’t until these words were given to me tonight – “so you are obviously crying a lot and so is she” – that it really dawned on me. Every single little thing that I do is affecting my child and I have been oblivious to it. I have just spent the last 30 minutes lying on the floor listening to Third Day and crying and praying to Jesus and my heavenly Father for forgiveness and guidance. Admonishment, even if in just eleven short words, is difficult to deal with, but it has been the best thing for me after this week. Thank you goes to my faithful admonisher and covering, who I know says what he says with love.

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter Four - Speaking Truth to Your Issues...

I'm a week behind, but I WILL catch up on this amazing study of Jennifer Rothschild's book "Self Talk, Soul Talk", which is hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart.

Jennifer opens this chapter by talking about the bleeding woman from Matthew 9:20-22 (also see Mark 5:25-34). She talks how “this woman had a single, insurmountable issue, and she had endured it for 12 long years.” Doesn’t that sound familiar? Yes, it does. We have issues that we endure, that “complicate everything”, that “challenge us, drain us, isolate us, and perplex us.” We really don’t do ourselves any good when we have issues, especially when we don’t talk to ourselves the way in which we should. I know that for me, I speak to myself so badly that it amazes me.

This woman, however, knew how to talk the right talk to herself and her soul. She put her talk into actions - she talked and walked by faith - and “she reached out her hand and touched Jesus.” And what did He do? He healed her. She knew that if she could only touch Him then He would heal her, and she was right. Why did she know this? Because “she talked to herself”.

But, she didn’t just talk some namby pamby talk to cover up the fact that she’d tried for 12 years via various means to rid herself of her bleeding. “She spoke words of wisdom and truth to her soul.” She no longer was relying on self help, on doctors to cure her, on magic cures. No, she gave up on all those things, and told herself, in wisdom and in truth, to go to the One who she knew could heal her. She didn’t just talk herself into it, she knew. “Her faith invited healing.” Jennifer expands on this and tells how “Jesus never said her soul talk made her well. He said it was her faith...Her soul talk contributed to her faith, but it didn’t replace her faith.”

I love how Jennifer writes that “it’s essential that we center our soul talk on the truth of Scripture and on our faith in Christ.” I guess the key here is that we need to stop thinking that what WE think and tell ourselves will make everything better. No, it won’t. Only faith and trust in God will do that. We must base our self talk and our soul talk on the truth of that fact.

One way of doing this is what Jennifer tells about what she did one day. She “wrenched her gaze from my own crowd of problems and focused for a moment completely on God.” I’ve done that. I’ve been in the midst of a mental, emotional and physical breakdown and literally grabbed for God, leaned on Him, pleaded with Him and sought after Him to release me from my own crazy self talk. Release from my problems only comes from seeking Him through prayer and reading the Scriptures. His truth is in there, His guidance is in there, but we need to learn to stop trying to talk ourselves into feeling good based on what we know. We know nothing compared to Him.

Jennifer leads us into the topic of self-control. I know that my self-control is weak at times. I do, think and say things that are completely nuts and completely against what I know as truth. My 'insane' mind crowds out my 'sane' mind, which I know is the truth. I need, like Jennifer has, “to rely instead on the Spirit’s control in my life – God’s Spirit.”

Jennifer runs through the four roles that the Spirit has in our lives: Counsellor, Christ’s Representative, Teacher and Reminder. A study question at the end of the chapter asks the reader to identify which out of the four roles are needed most in our lives. I answered that I need all of them. As Counsellor so I accept the truth – His truth – in my life instead of worrying about what people think of me. As Christ’s Representative to quieten myself and to hear what the Spirit is saying to me, and asking Him for help when times get tough. As Teacher so I can learn more from God, become less reliant on self while learning how to understand myself better; to know the Paula that God knows. And as a Reminder that God created me “just the way I am”, that I am special, I am His, and I have a purpose.

I could write more and more about this amazing chapter, but time doesn’t allow for it. What I do need to do though is to make sure that I think “praiseworthy” thoughts so that I (and I absolutely love how Jennifer hits home in only a few words with things) “end up at the destination of truth.”

“...destination of truth...”

We all know where that is; right where God’s Spirit is. Jennifer says that “if we follow God’s Spirit, we trade our negative and unprofitable thoughts for thoughts that are positive and fruitful. He is the One who leads us to know what is worthy of our thought closet and what should be thrown in the Dumpster.”

The bleeding woman knew where to find the "destination of truth". Jennifer's closing sentence in the chapter reads -

"She told herself the truth, and that led her straight to Jesus. May you be that woman."

Yes, may I be that woman, and may you be that woman also.

...He turned and looked at her, saying "take heart daughter...your faith has healed you", and from that moment she was healed..." (Paraphrased from Matthew 9:22 NIV)

Speak truth about your issues to yourself with wisdom that our Lord God blesses you with. Remember who you are in Him. We are not 'fashionistas' from the Dumpster; we wear Heavenly Realm fashion, and we must not forget that.

(My post on "Chapter 5 - Tune In: Awake, My Soul" is on its way soon. Now that the introduction to school week is over, life is settling down somewhat at home. Jennifer has some amazing stuff to share in this book, and the book is well worth the read!)

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter Three - Choosing Wise Words...

Welcome to week 3 of the Yes to God Tuesday study (hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart) of Jennifer Rothschild's book "Self Talk, Soul Talk". I am blessed to be a part of this study and am learning so much even with only being 3 weeks in.

Jennifer explores faulty assumptions in this chapter, and I can relate ever so much with the detrimental effect that faulty assumptions can have on one's life. I heard a saying once, that if you assume, you then just make an ass of you and me. The main dictionary meanings of the word "ass" is "a long-eared, slow, patient, sure-footed domesticated mammal, Equus asinus, related to the horse, used chiefly as a beast of burden", with the next coming up as "a stupid, foolish, or stubborn person." So, basically the latter is what we are if we make assumptions. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but I don't like to think of myself as a stupid, foolish or stubborn person, so this is where this chapter comes in handy in teaching me how to change all that.

I, like Jennifer, have "operated under faulty assumptions based on wrong thinking" throughout my life and "in other, far more consequential areas." I am, after all, only human. But isn't it wonderful to think that in my meek human form I am able to connect with the source of all wisdom and change my way of thinking!

Jennifer cites examples of interactions between herself and her husband, and how her reactions to things that he does are somewhat misguided based on her faulty assumptions. She, like most of us, assumed the wrong thing. She thought "that it was all about me". Haven't we all done that? I know I have! In answer to her question, "Does that sound like a faulty assumption to you?" Yes, it does sound like a faulty assumption to me. But Jennifer is not alone in this; we have all fallen fowl in the faulty assumption fiasco, especially in our relationship with our significant other! "We often aren't even aware of such ideas until we exercise a little self-examination. Our thoughts and our actions flow from our assumptions." Amen to that!

We are schooled in the next section titled, "Root and Fruit". Jennifer explains it ever so simply in that "our assumptions are the root, and our thoughts are the fruit." I assume that I am not a good mother and I am making mistakes in raising my daughter. This then causes me to think that I just can't do the whole mothering thing anymore, that I am doing it wrong; that Jasmine will grow up thinking and acting wrong. The truth of the matter is that I AM a good mother and that I AM making mistakes, but in all fairness to myself I must be realistic and remember that she is 4 years of age, going on 5, and that I, like every mother around the world, will make mistakes as I am NOT perfect.

Jennifer repeats the following sentence a couple of times, which is: "The faulty assumption is the root; the wrong thinking is the fruit." Wrong thinking then leads to self talk, which then leads to how I act every single day. Faulty assumptions = wrong thinking = damaging self talk = wrong acts. "Feelings and thoughts are fruits. Assumptions are roots." We need to tackle the roots, provide some positive and helpful fertiliser to produce better fruit and get our thoughts in line with what the truth actually is...that we are not what we think and say we are! We need to call it what it is, so we can "see it for what it is." We all need to check the root every time we taste bad fruit. Jennifer writes that we need to “learn to choose your own fruit more wisely...You are too valuable and life is too important to risk living according to faulty assumptions.” This is SO very true! And how do we do that? Hold on, here comes the simple, yet amazing, WOW! Factor...

“To paraphrase King Solomon, may each of us trust in the Lord with ALL our hearts and lean NOT on our own understanding.” We need to seek out His wisdom, and not rely on our thoughts.

Jennifer calls them the “Ways to Wisdom” with the first step to ask Him for wisdom. Go to the Source and ask Him, pure and simple. He knows what we need already, but He also wants to know that we recognise and acknowledge those needs. James 1:5 tells us to ask God, who will give generously, with no fault, and we will receive. “This isn’t meant to be weirdly spiritual or complicated. It really is as simple as asking for wisdom and trusting that you will receive.”

The next way to wisdom is to revere God; “to show deference and respect.” Much like a child should show a parent, or as Jennifer writes, “as if we were approaching a king who invited us into his royal chamber.” We need to “esteem His truth more highly than we esteem our perceptions of truth.” He knows ALL things. We make crazy assumptions but He knows the truth. We need to appreciate that and ask Him for wisdom to discern and understand. Jennifer writes that we will never find true wisdom until we revere God the most in our life. We need to (and I have to say I love this!) “...acknowledge that He is the standard of truth.” Jennifer suggests that we “take a moment to reconcile those thoughts with your own.” Do it...think it through...

He is...”the standard of truth.”

The next step is to receive counsel. “When we walk with wisdom, it will wear off on us.” Iron sharpens iron, as the good book says. This is so true. My wise counsel in life is my sweetie. He is a very wise and knowledgeable man, and a man of God. He is my covering. His wisdom and discernment have worn off on me and I now make better judgement calls in my life than I have ever done before. We all need wise counsel. Jennifer tells us about a chat she had with Patsy Clairmont while waiting to speak at a Women of Faith Conference. What followed was great advice. Patsy admitted how she does talk to herself (like a cheerleader!) and that it wasn’t always good. Jennifer then asked Patsy when it was that she figured out she was “being overly critical and telling yourself untruths?” Patsy replied that is was when she realised that what others were saying about her was in conflict with what she was saying to herself and that one of them had to be wrong. That, my friends, is a good point to remember. We need to be kinder to ourselves basically. Would we say to others what we say to ourselves? Patsy then shared how she follows a “three-step approach: Refuse things that are inaccurate, unkind, or unedifying; replace them with what is good, pure and just; and then repeat that process for as long as it takes to bring my thoughts under control.” Patsy benefited from the wise counsel of others, and so can we. Listen, learn and recognise, and, as Jennifer tells us, remember “that others struggle the same way we do.”

We need to seek out and latch onto wisdom. Read through Proverbs, which I do one chapter a day, month after month from different bible versions, tap into the guidance that the gospels provide, ask God, purely and simply, for wisdom, revere Him as our Almighty and the One that knows ALL, and seek wise counsel from others. Most importantly we need to choose wise words. Don’t speak to ourselves like we would not speak to others. Jennifer closes the chapter by giving us some good, sound advice –

“Be patient with yourself. Roots are strong, but with wisdom, you are stronger. Applying the strength of truth to your faulty assumptions will help choke the life out of your bitter and sour fruit. And that, my friend, is a very good thing.”

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter Two - Renewing Your Thought Closet...

“Let the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in thy sight,
O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.
- Psalm 19:14 (KJV)

It's week 2 of the Yes to God Tuesday study (hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart) of Jennifer Rothschild's book "Self Talk, Soul Talk". Jennifer starts this week’s chapter by talking about the power of words, as learnt by her from her grandmother. The message that her grandmother wanted to relay, from telling Jennifer to “don’t ever watch so-poppers (soap operas)”, was that words are powerful. And how we say these words, so full of power but without even knowing it, to ourselves, under our breath, away from scrutiny and away from wise correction.

What we think effects what we say, which then effects what we do. If I tell myself that I am just plain hopeless (which does happen) then my talk – both external and internal – becomes negative, which then leads me feeling unhappy and depressed, which then leads to me having to extract myself from life so I can work hard at crawling back out the hole I usually find myself in. WORDS ARE POWERFUL! They can make or break us.

Jennifer writes that “some of the most powerful words we utter are words no one else ever hears. They are the words we speak to ourselves.” Imagine how God feels when He hears us speak to ourselves like we do! What must He be thinking? I dare say that He is feeling downright sad at the fact that we feel like we do about ourselves.

So this leads me onto Jennifer’s question – “Why do we speak them?” Why indeed? Well, Jennifer gives us the answer. “We say them because they have found shelf space in our thought closet, and we find them near at hand in those moments when we are inclined to slander ourselves. These are the kinds of words that haunt us and plague us for years on end.” That is SO very true!

I have made mistakes over the years, from walking away from God, to marrying a non-believer and then finding myself divorced and living away from my family, to then moving onto a now failed relationship with my daughter’s father, and the list goes on. I have made many mistakes. I wish that I had not made those mistakes, but I did. I tell myself over and over that I only did what I knew best to do at the time, but that does not take away how I really feel deep down inside; hurt, shame, regret and so on. I actually find it very hard to forgive myself for being so, what I consider to be, stupid and for making those mistakes. Now, you can’t get any more negative about yourself than that, or at least I don’t think so. And that is where I am going wrong.

Jennifer helps to explore why I am going about it all wrong, and that is because I, like many others, have “borrowed unbecoming beliefs from other people and hung them in our thought closet. We have grabbed clumsy considerations and careless characterizations and make them part of our wardrobe even when they didn’t come close to fitting.” I believe that I have done exactly that. My life has not lived up to the expectation of what it was imagined to be, and so because of that I have allowed the so called failure of achieving the dream of what is largely considered to be the norm in life dictate what I say to myself now.

Now that I am older and somewhat wiser than what I was even a year ago, I now see that I learnt the hard way that I need to “refuse to let untruths and destructive words and thoughts occupy prime space” in my mind. I firmly believe that this happened because my focus was on achieving the ‘dream’ life and not achieving the life that God mapped out for me. I was way off course, and my mind, heart and soul suffered. I was living the wrong life; my focus was all wrong! My focus was not on God. I was not obedient to Him.

Jennifer talks of the apostle Paul and his message in 2 Corinthians 10:5 and how we need to “bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” Basically, we need to take control of what we think and match it up to what Jesus would think. “...the structure of life shaped by Christ...” is how The Message translates the end of the verse. Life...shaped...by...Christ. Not by us, not by what our parents think, not by what our workmates think, but by what Christ thinks; how He wants our lives to be shaped.

I asked myself if I could ever imagine God saying that I was a failure; that I just can’t get anything right, that I really screwed up in my life. The answer is no. He made me, He loves me (just as I am!), He is shaping me, He is guiding me; He sent His Son to die for me! Why then would He ever think about me what I do? He wouldn’t...period. So I need not either! I need to find some of that truth that Jennifer talks about; get rid of the old labels and mindsets and replace them with truth.

One key is to speak wisely to yourself. Jennifer writes that it is essential. This can be achieved by being like Jesus and using gracious and powerful words, which He was renowned for. Not damaging words, and not harsh words like we use on ourselves. Jennifer uses the example of Luke 22:4 where after Jesus had spoken in the synagogue, “All spoke well of him and were amazed [or astonished] at the gracious words that came from his lips.” Do I speak gracious words to myself? Jennifer asks, “Are they kind? Or are they harsh? Do your words condemn you?” No, I do not always speak graciously to myself, my words about myself are not always kind, they can be very harsh and yes, they do condemn me. I am, of course, my own worst enemy, my own worst critic, and the unrealistic benchmarker in my life. I need to be my friend and my encourager and I need to cut myself a little slack!

In saying that, I need to follow Marilyn Meberg’s example and work on disciplining myself a little bit more when my negative self talk starts. Jennifer interviewed Marilyn (a "professional talker"), and Marilyn explained how she counsels herself. When she knows that the negative self talk is starting, she disciplines herself. Marilyn says, “That’s instruction. That’s good for me. That builds me up.” But, like with all of us, when she feels “condemned, like I’m not good enough, that’s not instructive. That’s destructive.” Very true words spoken! Marilyn sums it up by saying, “Instruction brings life, condemnation brings destruction.”

We all know that instruction is important and how damaging words can be when they are not the right ones. We all experience it on a daily basis in our lives. I know from being the mum of a near 5 year old that I must discipline her to teach her the right way of living. I must provide instruction and not condemnation. This is one of the areas I berate myself over; the fact that I feel that I’m not doing a good enough job in raising my daughter. I have realised that there is no way I can do my best job with her if I firstly can’t do a good job at disciplining myself. I need to show myself some unconditional love, as well as tough love, and get my mind where it should be and talk to myself nicer.

My words to myself, and my daughter for that matter, need to be wise and truthful ones. These types of “words are never harsh or unkind. They are gracious.” These types of “words are never wimpy or without power. They have authority.” We can find this graciousness and authority. And we can find the truth. We need to “counsel ourselves with truth”, not lies, not with words that make no sense to where we’re at now in our lives.

“Let your conversation be gracious and effective so that you will have the right answer for everyone.” – Colossians 4:5 (NLT)

This is an amazing verse as it sums up what we need to do, not only in our conversations with others, but more importantly in our conversations with ourselves. As Jennifer writes, the “...‘Everyone’ includes you.” I am going to start listening more to what I am saying to myself. I am going to be nicer to myself. I am going to start speaking the truth to myself! I have always battled with telling myself the truth about me. I have always worried too much about what other people have thought of me instead of what I think of myself. And most importantly, I have missed the most important element in all of this: God.

Jennifer writes how we “can’t remove those hurtful thoughts, words, and memories, but by the power of God, you can drain them of their personal control over you.” I read this sentence and 5 important words stood out (I was taken aback actually) – BY THE POWER OF GOD. He has forgotten my sins, He has cleansed me and made me new and He still loves me just as much as when He first entered my name into His book of life. I cannot forget what I have said about and to myself, but I can speak to myself better. I can take captive “every thought to the obedience of Christ.”

Yes to God Tuesday - Chapter One: Not So Well with My Soul...

Week one of the new Yes to God Tuesday study has started, which is hosted by Lelia at Write from the Heart. The book for this study is “Self Talk, Soul Talk” by Jennifer Rothschild, and I’m one chapter in and I’m impressed by the book already. The truth be known, she had me at the Foreword by Robyn McGraw, who described what an inspiration that Jennifer is! And believe me, after one chapter in, you will agree!

Chapter one is titled “Not So Well with My Soul”, with the opening line being “It is well with my soul.” Jennifer points out after this that while we may think that all “is well with my soul”, in fact it’s most probably not! The worst thing being; we don’t even realise it! The amount of negative self talk that we manage to bombard ourselves with every day without even knowing it is enough to give me a headache just thinking about it. As I already know from my own experience, WE are our own worst enemy. We undertake “personal attacks” on ourselves with it being “me against me”, as Jennifer most simply points out.

Jennifer quotes John Milton, who “wisely observed” that “the mind is its own place, and in itself, can make Heaven of Hell, and a Hell of Heaven.” What truer words can be spoken about the mind? None, I’m sure of it. We must be mindful of what we are saying to ourselves. We must be on guard at all times, as the enemy is laying in wait for us to say that one thing that will then lead into a full blown negative conversation with ourselves, and we can go from feeling blissfully happy to terribly depressed in about a minute flat...if that!

To combat this, Jennifer writes that “knowing what to say to your soul is one of the most reliable ways to make sure it remains well.” Under the heading of “My Thought Closet”, Jennifer lists examples of box labels that she has stored away in her thought closer over the years. One of them hit me like a brick today while reading, and it was “you should have done a better job”. This instantly made me think that “I should have known better”, to which my thoughts replied, “But I didn’t know any better at the time but I do now.” That is an example of how we need to train ourselves to know what to say to our soul when the negative thoughts creep in. I’m not saying that I’ve got the whole thing down pat, but through the help of some friends, and a good dose of “Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer, I have managed to get this far!

I have struggled with “I should have known better” for quite some time now. From a failed marriage to being in a relationship with my daughter’s father knowing full well that it was going nowhere at all to now raising a child as a solo mum. Yes, I SHOULD have known better, but punishing myself now for not knowing better then is not going to change a thing. All it will do is cause me to think more negative self talk, which is damaging to my soul.

Next Jennifer moves onto talking about soul talk and she writes how her “faith has led me to the Bible to find what to say to my soul.” This is where we can find the truths we need to hear in our soul. This is where we can learn to re-educate our battered thoughts, and fill our “closet with some more appealing, better-fitting self talk!” Jennifer writes 3 very important words after referring to the Bible, and they are - "SPEAKING...THE...TRUTHS". We need to say them out loud! Not only will these truths manifest into a more positive way of thinking, but at the same time they will serve as an open opposition to the enemy who is working so hard at making us think negative thoughts.

Jennifer gives many examples of short, sharp verses we can use in such situations, and here are a few -

“Awake, my soul!” – Psalm 57:8
“O my soul...forget not all his benefits.” – Psalm 103:2
“March on, O my soul; be strong” – Judges 5:21

Arming ourselves with the powerful Word of God, in addition to re-training our thoughts, which will then lead to more productive self talk, and soul talk as Jennifer refers to it as, is the answer. We have the resources at our fingertips, so now it’s time to use them.

I love how Jennifer writes that “we have the appalling ability to remember all the wrong things at all the wrong times.” That is SO very true of us mere mortals. It’s such a human, and worldly, way of thinking. We have been trained since birth to more or less always think of the negative before the positive, whereas this is not the way God intended it to be. You don’t read about Jesus always thinking the worst of any given situation in the Bible, do you? No, you don’t, and neither should we. He is our example, so let’s take on board his talk and get some good happening in our minds.

“For as he thinks within himself, so he is.” Proverbs 23:7 (NASB)

Jennifer writes that, “because your thoughts strongly influence you, you must learn to govern them with some truthful soul talk.” Therein is the answer to overcoming negative and damaging self and soul talk. We must be on guard, and we must pray for God to always guide us and protect us in this area, but we must take the first step and govern our thoughts. Only we can do that.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” – Roman 12:2

Yes to God Tuesday: "Behind Those Eyes" Review...

The Yes to God Tuesday study on “Behind Those Eyes: What’s really going on inside the souls of women” by Lisa Whittle (and hosted by Lelia at "Write From Heart") was most definitely a gift sent from God for me. Although I did not get to ‘properly’ finish the study with the other ladies due to life getting a bit out of control late last year, I have still been reading through the book, and last night I finished it!

Lisa starts to book with a chapter called “The Truth Hurts”. And it does! Right from that chapter to the end, there were a lot of truths that jumped out and jabbed me right where it hurts the most...in my soul! Lisa finished the book with “The Truth Heals”, which is most poignant as, from cover to cover, this book shows that the truth not only hurts but it heals, and healing is what a lot of women (and men, if truth be known) need in their lives.

“You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” – John 8:32.

Lisa showed us in each chapter about how this verse is so very truth, from covering the various charades that we hide behind (perfection, confidence, happiness and spirituality) to the fact that we use cosmetics (not literally though!) to cover up the blemishes in our souls and how we conceal all that we can about ourselves. But the jewel, the shining light, the beacon of hope, and, as Lisa calls it, "THE REAL DEAL", comes in part three. Fourteen words in two sentences that come straight from the Father to us via Lisa...

“We are completely loved and accepted completely”...“we are completely flawed yet forgiven completely.”

These are 14 words that we need to hear, and 14 words that we need to REALLY believe. God loves us in spite of ourselves. We are the reason why we don’t feel free. We equate freedom to the worldly perspective; what this person thinks of us, to how we look, to why we act the way we do. But God, and let’s thank Him for this, He does not change the way He thinks about us, we don’t have to do anything to impress Him, He made us the way we are and delights in what we consider foibles, and He created us to act, talk, walk, think, sit, eat...just everything really...the way we do.

Isn’t it pleasing, and a relief, to know that we...do...not...need...to...impress...anyone! The only One that matters is already impressed with us!

I think that I am hopeless at life...at times. I think that I fail at doing this or doing that...at times. I sometimes think I laugh too loud, frown too much and daydream a little too often, but the realisation is that this is who I am meant to be has now hit home through reading Lisa’s book. I laugh loud because it’s my way of sharing my joy, I frown too much because I am a deep thinker, and I daydream a little too often because I know that there is more to life than just getting up and doing the same old thing every day.

There are many scribbles in my “Behind Those Eyes” book now, and too many for me to make reference to my favourite quotes from Lisa. Basically, I loved the whole book. It IS truth and it IS a means of freedom for anyone who is trapped in a life of not quite being who you think you should be. If you want to know the person that God planned for you to be, read the book. It will open your eyes, and your soul, to the ‘you’ that God intended. It will teach you that ‘you’ are the reason that your soul is clouded with doubt and fear, and also why freedom in your heart, soul and mind is just that little bit out of your grasp.

In closing, I will quote Lisa who clears up that mystery, when she writes...

“Know this, my sisters and friends: Jesus is the only One who can truly heal our souls, from the inside out.”

There, my friends, is how you can find out “what’s really going on inside” your soul. His truth is simple: He loves us just the way we are (there is that Bridget Jones quote again!). We make it hard as we do not open ourselves up to the truth, which is a truth that WILL set you free.

Sandals and Stomping...

I've been enlightened by my lovely friend Lelia from Write From the Heart once again. This week she posted a blog titled As to Lelia...I mean the LORD! and it is a fabulous read! Pop over and have a look, and see if you come away feeling as enlightened as I did!

Ever since reading Lelia's post, and the practical way that she used Jesus as an example in regard to His sandals and stomping, I have been thinking about my own behaviour as far as shoe throwing and chucking a tantrum are concerned. Did I pass the "Jesus test"? No, I get a big, fat 'F' for FAIL!

I have a short fuse, a fast mouth and an even slower brain when the first two are put in action. I have frown lines as proof, and I also have some enemies masquerading as friends as a result. Does this make me feel like the worst person in the world? Yes, it certainly does. So, this is why Lelia's words about Jesus and how he would act have made an impact.

I don't want to have a short fuse, a fast mouth or a slow brain when I get angry. I want to be cool, calm and collected. I did a quick search on Bible Gateway on the words 'slow to anger' and nine results appeared. The words compassionate, gracious, great in power, abounding in love and more appeared alongside slow to anger. This is what our God is, and this is what Jesus is, and this is what I should be. I am not who I am supposed to be in the Lord...

But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. - Psalm 86:15

He is all of these things, and He is also forgiving. Thank YOU Lord for this reminder. I have sinned. I have acted in a way that I should not have. The Lord does not tell us to never be angry, but He does tell us that we must be SLOW TO ANGER.

I will remember these words. I will think twice before I take off my sandals and throw them (not literally though!). I will remember the example of Jesus who, like our Father, is compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, and abouding in love and faithfulness. I will be faithful to my Father and set the example of the person who He made me to be, not who I have become and dislike.

Thank You dear Lord for giving us the blessing of Lelia and her open and honest blog posts. Thank You also for your Word, which is my instruction manual on how I am to do life - the life that YOU intended me to live. In Jesus' Wonderful Name, Amen