Changing, Morphing, Evolving...

These are the words that Ann Kroeker used yesterday in a tweet to me about how blogging has changed in the last few years. I agree and stated how I noticed that it's become outward instead of inward; how we can bless others. These tweets were in response to one that Ann posted about L.L. Barkat and how she does not have a desire to blog. I agree with L.L. and it's largely due to the same reason.

Because I've been blogging for half my daughter's life and I now feel that it's time to change how I approach it. I won't say that I will stop, but I do admit that the desire to blog is no longer there. I know that will change, and that is why I won't say goodbye to my blog page. It's me,a dn while what I blog about and how often I blog has changed, the desire to share with others - the premise behind my blog - is.

I made the decision at a women's conference I attended at the end of September that instead of sharing my heart of my blog, I would still type my words up as if to blog but keep them to myself. I have done that, but I have also shared my heart, much to the chagrin of some. I am at a point in my life where I need to be there for ME, and I know I can do that while also blessing others, but it's important I guard my heart in the process.

Yes, I will still be around on here, and hope to share some pertinent posts about depression, being a single mother and the like, but not so much on the sharing of what is in my heart. That's for God and I.

So thank you L.L. and Ann for your tweets as they helped me put into fruition what God planted in my heart.

In Him Always,

The Real Me...

I didn’t realise that I’d lost what I once had until just now. After 12 hours of feeling rather discombobulated (even in my sleep!), I discovered that I don’t feel like me because I forgot who ‘me’ was a long time ago.

Was it when I decided to stop going to church at 18 years of age?

Was it when I first lost my virginity and thought that men could fill the hole in my soul?

Was it when I got married? Got divorced? Met my daughter’s father? Separated from him? Became a single mum? Had my heart ripped apart by my last relationship?

When exactly was it?

I honestly don’t know, but I do know that I started losing ‘me’ the moment that I started putting God anywhere but in first place.

As I sit here in bed, tired from being awake until 3am from discombobulation (aka insomnia fuelled from my head trying desperately to defrag itself into some sort of order!), after a week of being sick with a head cold, with my daughter staying with a dear friend who blesses me with her love and kindness, I realise that I have, for way too many years, been trying to live up to the expectations of others.

The truth is that I have to go back 25+ years to remember who ‘me’ is.

‘Me’ is the teenage girl who taught little kids about Jesus in Sunday school.

She is the young lady who would visit antique shops and garden nurseries with her mother.

She is the big sister who would watch He Man and Transformer cartoons with her little brother on a Saturday morning.

She is the little girl who would play Lego towns with her big brother on the lounge room mat.

She is the girl who would delight in eating a jelly slice after church every Sunday.

My list could go on and on. One very definite indicator to the fact that I lost myself many years ago is how my heart skips a beat when I see, hear, feel, taste and smell the delights from my past. Of late all of these senses are being delighted and revived by the connections that I have on Instagram.

The online world has many dark sides, of which I’ve experienced, but it also has many bright sides. Meeting new people, learning new things, and gleaning ideas for creative pursuits are just a few of these. Today I found “Meet Me At Mikes: Good Stuff For Nice People”. And what a blessing this page is!

Crochet, patchwork, sewing, crafts, and the list goes on. My heart is filled with joy at all of these creative delights that I see before me!

Dr Caroline Leaf wrote on Twitter yesterday that “Your gift is how you uniquely think; your genius is released when you use your gift.”  I believe that this statement applies not only to how you think, but also in what you can do. I already know that I’m a unique thinker, and I also know that in addition to that precious gift, another gift I have is of creativity. My ‘genius’ in this case will then be using that gift to bless others, and myself.

I love writing, painting, knitting, crocheting, sewing, patchwork, baking, cooking (yes, the last two are vastly different!), cross-stitch, needlework, drawing, photography, and so much more. And I am blessed to be skilled at all of these things. So, instead of holding onto my past and the poor choices I made while trying to live up to the expectations of others, I will embrace the uniqueness of ‘me’ and return to my roots. And I must as I have a very willing student in Miss8 (my Number One fan) who has not only taken to knitting like a duck to water, but also hand sewing. Suffice to say, I was given my gift of creativity to hand it onto the gift that God gave me: my daughter, Jasmine.

Dear Lord, thank You for the realisation that I am worthy of more than what I’ve experienced over the last 25+ years of my life. That the real me only needs You to fill the hole in my soul. That You gave me my gifts, including my daughter, so that I can, today, be exactly where I am meant to be. Even during my periods of discombobulation and hurt I will praise and thank You. In Jesus’ Mighty Name, Amen.

Over-sexualisation of Young Girls...

Tricia Goyer from It's Real Life posted back in February on the over-sexualisation of young girls.  I've commented on her post, as follows:

"Thanks Tricia. These points are very helpful. I have a 7yo daughter and I find it difficult at times to buy age appropriate - and form appropriate - clothes. I also had the bathing suite experience a year or so back when looking for swimmers for school. All I could find was bikinis. I ended up buying costly bathers at the swim school. I will be more mindful of what TV shows she watches, as I have caught her watching some shows with kids kissing in it. Thanks again, Paula :)"

Yes, as the mother of a 7 year old daughter, I find it difficult at times to buy clothes that aren't miniature versions of what - and excuse my brashness here - hussies and prostitutes usually wear to sell their wares!

I feel very strongly against my daughter wearing a bra when she only has a chest, not breasts.  I know she has slim, cellulite free legs, but why should she wear shorts that show off her butt cheeks?

Little girls - and older girls, teens and women, it seems - need to be taught that they are beautiful as they are and that they don't need to dress sexily to get attention.  All the attention they need they already get from God who loves them like no other.

Please click here to read Tricia's post.

A Joy to Behold...

Jasmine, August 2005, aged 16 months

Today...

Today...

I decided to change some things.
I actioned some of these changes.

I discovered some new truths about me and others.
I thanked God for showing me these truths.

I shared the day with some beautiful friends.
I learnt what true friendship is about.

I realised that I am not as messed up as I once thought.
I reflected on all that I have achieved and where I am.

I reaped the benefits of raising my daughter correctly.
I delighted in the fact that I know her so well.

I started the day feeling like an absolute mess.
I will end it feeling renewed by God’s grace and love.

I resolved that one man really messed with head and heart.
I celebrated that another man – Jesus – will make me whole again.

I started smiling again...

She Loves Much...

My girlie and I enjoyed a couple of days together, mixed in with play dates and appointments. We had a lovely time and on our walk into her school this morning, Jasmine gladly told me how much she enjoyed our little holiday and that she had fun.

Over the last couple of days, she has also given me a foot rub, massaged my back with new skills she learnt from watching a friend at church give me a head and shoulder massage, brushed my hair and scratched my back, and also drove me almost crazy with her constant yapping (that involves talking, singing audible and inaudible words...in tune and out - hehe - much humphing, and even more huffing and puffing).

Jasmine is growing up fast and her love and understanding about God is developing at a healthly rate. She even told me yesterday how God and Jesus are the same people. Very cute. She sees me see God in everything. And she sees how much God does for us and how He looks after us. She is truly a blessing!

She loves God and she loves me...much!

(PS: She didn't really want me to take this photo as she said, "Mum, you're always wanting to take photos of me!")

On The Eve...

...of the day when we celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, I would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. We are truly blessed to be able to freely celebrate this blessed occasion. My focus on Christmas, and especially how Jasmine sees it, has changed quite dramatically over the last few years. I am thankful that I have a daughter who loves Jesus and who is so able to understand about both Jesus and Santa. Speaking of the jolly man, I am teaching Jasmine about the history of Santa, but focussing on the fact that Christmas is just that - CHRISTmas; it's about and for Jesus. It's not just about a holiday and receiving gifts. Although, the ultimate gift that mankind received was Jesus, which is enough for me. Have a wonderful Christmas!

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter 1 - When The Unthinkable Happens...

Welcome to Chapter One of the latest Yes to God Tuesday study hosted by Lelia at Write From The Heart. The book we are studying is “An Untroubled Heart” by Micca Campbell. Please check out Micca’s blog page Reflections. I am blessed to be doing this study thanks to Lelia and Micca and this book has come along at the right time for me (like all the books I’ve studied with the Yes to God Tuesday study group actually). This book is extra special and that is just from the tagline – “finding a faith that is stronger than all my fears”.

In Chapter One Micca recounts her “unthinkable” - the tragedy that left her a widow at the age of 21 with a baby. What began as a lifetime of hope and promise ended with Micca losing her husband and questioning why God would do that to her. It’s a powerful yet heart warming story and reflects the true nature of a very brave yet humble woman.

The lesson that Micca learnt was that she was, and is, not alone, even though she felt totally and utterly alone at the time. She also learnt that her present fears at that time, about losing someone else close to her, were fuelled by her past experiences. Yes, Micca had, and has, every right to feel fearful that she would lose someone close to her again. She suffered such tragedy. I can relate to Micca on that, but not with losing a loved one through death, but losing someone through separation and divorce. My marriage broke down when I was 27. I had been married since I was 20 and I was floored. I lived away from my family, had only recently moved to where we were living and now was being left by the man who stood in a church and promised to love me until death do us part. Even 12 years later I am still fearful that the same will happen to me again now.

But I need not be fearful, and this is a lesson that God has been slowly teaching me of late, hence why the timing of this book study is spot on. I have God in my life, and am so very blessed by that. I left Him a long time ago, but I now know that He never left me. Since then I’ve battled with making sense of my past; my divorce and subsequently my now broken relationship with my daughter’s father. I ask myself why on many, many occasions. I asked the question earlier this week when I was sitting in the counsellor’s office pouring my heart out to try and make sense of why I feel like I do.

Micca gives the answer – “…our past will never make sense until we invite God into our present. Then we will see He has been there all along.” I know that He has been but I was just blinded to the fact of how magnificent He is and how He works everything for His good. It’s a tough ask to understand and accept that everything that happens to us is already pre-written in God’s book. But it’s something that I understand to be true.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” – Psalm 139:16

Like with Micca’s husband, God didn’t take my ex-husband from me through divorce. He simply let us be together for the number of years that He had pre-ordained so that we would both be where we are today. God didn’t leave me alone for me to make the wrong choice and end up having a child out of wedlock with my daughter’s father. He simply gave me enough rope so that He could facilitate the gift of my daughter being born. He has a purpose for everything.

Psalm 46:1 tells how, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” These are the words I’ve needed to read, and was so very thankful that Micca’s book arrived in the mail when it did on Monday. I have been feeling totally and utterly trapped and alone for quite a few months, and although I can feel God’s presence with me I haven’t let His presence get to my core due to the fact that I have been beating myself up over the bad choices I’ve made. These bad choices led me to be given the gift of my daughter, so I now realise that they weren’t as bad as I once thought but more so exactly where God wanted, and wants, me to be.

In saying that, I have to admit that I haven’t let God’s ever-present help filter in. “God’s help is available the moment we humble ourselves and cry out to Him.” My mistake is I cry out to others; people who I know care and I can get support from, with God always as a second option. Mis – take! A BIG mistake!

James writes how we must “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds…” (James 1:2) What?! How can that be so? It IS so, and like Micca I have questioned James’ reasoning, but he is exactly right. Trials bring on a testing of our character, a growth and expansion, a level of maturity that we would never gain from just living worldly lives. Trials bring us so much. They bring us closer to God as we rely on Him more, and He brings joy into our lives through these trials. This makes no sense whatsoever from a worldly perspective, but thank the Lord that it makes sense from the perspective from where I’m looking from.

Although hard to deal with when it’s happening, trials, with all the associated emotions that come along for the ride, do bring us joy. Trials develop endurance and perseverance, which then results in us becoming more mature, developing more patience and leading to a feeling of completeness or wholeness. Micca writes how nice it would be to reach this stage without the trial but “However, these are the ways of God”. When we “can look at the end result of what our testing is accomplishing, then we can find joy in the midst of it.” It’s just like when I discipline my daughter; she does not see joy in it at the time, but unbeknown to her there is such a great reward in what I am doing. I am developing her character. I am strengthening her. And this is what God does with us. Not that He brings trials upon us, or makes us suffer; He uses the trials we go through to make us stronger for Him.

In the study questions at the end of the chapter Micca prompted us to “Write a prayer thanking God for the good work He is doing in your and for helping you to conquer your fears in the process. Thank Him for being an ever-present help.” Here is my prayer –

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for never leaving my side, and for always being the ever-present help that you are, even though I don’t always turn to you first. Thank you for guiding me and strengthening me so that I can overcome my fear of man and look only to you for completeness. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

PS: This quote happened along the day after I read the chapter, so I thought I’d include it in my post as it is most appropriate –

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller

PPS: I almost forgot! This is my 100th post and I'm honoured to have a Y2GT study as the content, as Lelia has blessed me over and over since our paths crossed on Blogger. Amazing lady, amazing life, and an amazing faith.

Yes to God Tuesday: Chapter Seven - Calm Down: I Have Stilled and Quieted My Soul...

This chapter of Self Talk Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild (our Yes to God Tuesday study hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart) is just amazing and although I haven’t been able to write much over the last few weeks, I feel compelled to write on this chapter. The first sentence that stood out to me was this – “Rage simmered just below the surface of my placid demeanor.” Now I don’t profess to have a placid demeanor, but rage certainly does simmer just below the surface. When does that rage come out? At night when both Jasmine and I are tired and she just does not do as I tell her to. It comes out when we are running late in the morning and all I want to do is for her to keep her head still as I do her hair. These are the times when my simmering rage comes out. I’m sorry to say that I am an anger monster, and have been quite a bit of late, but I don’t want to be, hence why Chapter 7 has been so good for me.

Jennifer says in four words something else that hit home when she recounts kicking a hole in the wall – “…I had no excuse.” And she is right; she had no excuse and I have no excuse now to act the way that I do. There are reasons why I feel as I do, but as this chapter goes on to explain, it’s how I react to those reasons then determines the end outcome. And in this area I get a big F for fail.

I always appreciate a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson and this one does not disappoint – “Coolness and absence of heat and hast indicate fine qualities.” I don’t display many fine qualities at times and I really dislike myself for that. Jennifer writes how “Our reactions reveal the temperature inside our thought closet. We can use soul talk to keep the thermostat at a cool and steady temperature. We must learn to still and quiet our souls, to tell our souls to calm down.” Going on this, the temperature of my thought closet would closely resemble what Hades must be like because it gets blazing hot in there. And yes, Jennifer is right in that I must use my soul talk to get my soul to quieten down, and I mean NOW!

And this is why Chapter 7 is so wonderful and amazing. It tells me how I can do that, and I sure do need as much help as I can get! John 14:27 tells us where we can find the peace to help us quieten our soul. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.” Yes, our Lord Jesus telling us simply where we can find the peace we need; in Him and not the world. This is in keeping with my theme for my week, where I have been reminding myself that true peace and happiness only comes from God and will never come from any person or any thing on earth. What great timing. Jennifer then writes that “we need to acknowledge why we have angry, smoldering embers in our thought closets to begin with. We must identify the source of our anger.” Ouch, that in itself hurts!

The next section in the chapter is titled 'Loosen the Grip'. The title explains it all. Yes, we need to loosen the control that we falsely believe that we have over our lives. Outside of, as Jennifer writes “...our attitudes…our responses to circumstances…our choice to seek God…our determination to be still before Him…our choice to acknowledge that He is God – and we are not!” we have no control whatsoever. It’s crazy to think that as Christians we may even think that we have control. We should know better, but we…I…don’t.

Jennifer writes that “So much of the anger in our lives comes from the unmet expectations and frustration that we don’t have ultimate control.” I agree totally! I couldn’t control that my ex-husband decided that other women and substances were more attractive than me. I couldn’t control that my daughter’s father, my now ex-partner, found his addiction more enticing than providing a good home for me and his child. I have no control over the fact that the man I love is separated from me by a vast expanse of water and I don’t know when I’ll see him next. And I now have no control over the fact that outside of providing love, support and prayers, I cannot make my daughter like going to school and after school care any more than I can understand quantum physics (see my postscript below for further on this topic). It frustrates me and also makes me feel helpless, but that is kind of how I’m supposed to feel so I can rely on God.

I thought that because Jasmine was used to being at pre-school all day that she would adapt well to school. I was all too “ready to embrace the mirage” as Jennifer refers to having control over our life events. I miscalculated and was not prepared enough. It’s “a pleasant daydream at best and a cruel fantasy at worst.” Jennifer “has ushered ultimate peace into (her) thought closet" by thinking the following –

“…we recognize that God has ultimate control over our lives and over the world, so we choose to trust Him even when we don’t like or understand His ways. We loosen our tight grip and begin to hold the precious things in our lives with an open hand. We trust His plan, His ways, and His goodness more than we trust our own.”

Jennifer then talks about raising fists to heaven in anger towards God. I have to say that I have never been angry at God for anything that has happened in my life. Having grown up knowing the difference between right and wrong, but still going off the narrow path, it’s not His fault that I am where I am right now. It’s because of Him that I am where I am right now, and as I learnt through Laura from The Wellblog today, if it had not have been for the mistakes I have made I would not have my little girl. My life is not under my control, only certain aspects are. My life is exactly where God knew it would be, and it is under His control.

Jennifer writes that “Peace comes when we loosen our grip and let down our guard before our heavenly Father.” I need to do that so badly that it’s frightening. I knelt down beside my bed the other night and cried big droplet sized tears as I told God why I felt as miserable as I did. Amazingly, I felt better afterwards. I allowed myself to be still for a moment as He instructs us to do in Psalm 46:10 – “Be still, and know that I am God.” I need to know that He IS in control, He IS Lord and Master over all, and that He IS leading me where I am meant to be. I just need to loosen that grip.

The last three sections of this chapter are titled 'Washouts on the Path to Peace', 'Fire in the Closet' and 'Trading Your Anger for Peace'. ‘Washouts’ talks about negative mindsets, anger over adversity and stubborn defiance. Washouts are the things “that will block our journey as we pursue the peace that Jesus grants us.” Regarding negative mindsets, I love how Jennifer writes that “the real source of anger isn’t a tough circumstance or a difficult person; it’s the way we choose to think about that person or circumstance.” I know that to be true only too well every two weeks when Jasmine goes to her father’s house. At the moment I am driving her there and back (approx 2 ½ hours of travel each second weekend) and I start getting anxious about an hour before the weekend even begins.

It is the next section – 'Anger Over Adversity' – that has the most pencil markings in my copy of Jennifer’s book. Jennifer writes that “what I have learned about this matter of adversities and hardships. Accept them. Don’t let them fill you with anger.” I was taught that lesson about 12-18 months ago regarding the situation with my daughter’s father. I react better than I ever used to, but I have let my guard slip lately. Marcus Aurelius says, “How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” Wise words indeed! My reaction to my daughter’s father and his actions are much more detrimental to Jasmine and I than the man himself (also see postscript about this). Jennifer writes that “You can’t often change adverse circumstances, but you can change your reaction to it.”

The last two sections of the book cover using water to quench the flames of the thought closet instead of gasoline. Proverbs 15:1 says that “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I need to be more mindful of how I speak to myself. My “soul needs the water of the Word” for my thought closet. I need to “appreciate” myself and “find truth and speak it to” my soul. “The words you speak to yourself – the thoughts you dwell on, receive, and personalize – can either cause anger to ignite or allow peace to prevail.”

Jennifer writes about Thomas Merton observing that “man is not at peace with his fellow man because he is not at peace with himself, and he is not at peace with himself because he is not at peace with God.” I long to find that peace.

“Since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.” – Romans 5:1-2

“When you have peace with God, you can have peace from God – the peace that Christ brings.”

“So when things heat up, tell your soul to calm down.”

A postscript to this post (even before I publish it) is that I received a revelation through admonishment this evening that my actions, my reactions, and my apparent but not obvious until now ignorance towards the affect that these things have on my daughter is the reason that she is like she is at present. I knew that my angry outbursts and lack of self-control in this area was the cause of hers, but it wasn’t until these words were given to me tonight – “so you are obviously crying a lot and so is she” – that it really dawned on me. Every single little thing that I do is affecting my child and I have been oblivious to it. I have just spent the last 30 minutes lying on the floor listening to Third Day and crying and praying to Jesus and my heavenly Father for forgiveness and guidance. Admonishment, even if in just eleven short words, is difficult to deal with, but it has been the best thing for me after this week. Thank you goes to my faithful admonisher and covering, who I know says what he says with love.

Finding Rest...

I have just dropped my girlie off at school. I prised myself from her grip as the teacher prepared to start the class. I had one last look as I walked out the door and saw her sitting there with hands on lap with her head down and a sad look on her face. The emotions that are going through her head must be enormous, as I know they are for me. I have returned home for a day of rest from work due to not feeling very well at all; a throbbing head and aching body, which is the lot of our gender. The sadness that fills me at this point is a bit overwhelming and the guilt from not going into work, from leaving my girl at school, from having her go to after school care and not be picked up like the majority of other kids are because I work, and so many more things is also overwhelming. The loneliness I feel from living so far away from my family, and from not having seen my sweetie in over 18 months, consumes me like the darkness when the light is turned out.

I know that I am blessed to be a child of God, of whom I can turn to when I feel like this. Otherwise, I would be a mess. I just would not know what to do. I mean, I honestly don’t know what to do now. I don’t know how to make my daughter feel any joy at the prospect of going to school and after school care every day. I cannot in my capacity force joy upon her. I will pray, and will keep praying, and will turn to the scriptures today while I rest my aching head, weary body and suffering heart and soul. I just have no clue as to what I am supposed to do next, but God does and I shall wait for Him to provide the answers.

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. – Psalm 62:1

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. – Matthew 11:28-30



PS: Please also pop over to Laced with Grace today, as Debbie from Heart Choices is talking about Rest for the Weary.

PPS: I've just found a wonderful post by Lisa at Sharing Life with Lisa who is doing The LPM Siesta Scripture Memory Team challenge with myself and a couple thousand other women from around the globe. Lisa has posted on writing about a scripture that has special place in one's life, and it just so happens that Psalm 62:1 (above) is mine. It is a special scripture because I can only ever find true rest and true peace in God. No-one in the world or of the world can provide what I need, and no thing in the world or of the world can provide it either. I found a quote by Gerard Majella last night that sums up how I feel - "Who except God can give you peace? Has the world ever been able to satisfy the heart?" God alone is my salvation, my solice, my resting place and my source of everything I need.

Still Here...

Yes my friends, I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I'm still alive and kicking, but just not on here as much as have been previously. Life with an emotional nearly 5 year old who has just started 'big school' has taken a bit of a toll over the last week or so and I've had to shift my priorities. My Yes to God Tuesday study is still going strong and I've been learning some valuable lessons from Jennifer Rothschild's book, Self Talk Soul Talk. I've also selected my next Siesta Scripture Memory Verse, which was taken from Jennifer's book actually, and is...

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the word gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27 (NIV

This verse is very applicable at the moment with Jasmine's new found 'emo' self. Bless her little soul. She just wants her mummy, and I can fully relate to that being that I live away from mine. Even at nearly 39 years of age, I still cry for my mum when I'm sick. I pray for peace for Jasmine's soul, and peace for mine, and for her little heart not to be troubled, or for her to be afraid when she's not with me. I recall being the same at her age, as I would cry for both my parents, so for Jasmine it would be doubly hard as she does not live with her father, and as I've discovered this last couple of weeks, I am it; I am her sole (soul) reliance. Please say a prayer for my little girl, and for me to be able to guide her and protect her as much as I can.

Keep smiling my friends, and I hope to be back with some posts sooner rather than later.

Inspiration from The Cafe...

No, I'm not posting on the Cafe today, hehe, but I do want to make sure that you all check out today's post by Beth from "Lifeboat Moments". The post is titled 'The Gift' and it is an amazing story about what gifts we can offer, and provides some thought provoking heart thoughts.

Thankful Thursday...

Welcome to my very first Thankful Thursday post. After reading various Thankful Thursday posts over the last month or so, and reading Susan's today at Forever His, I thought I would post one too!

Today I am thankful for the blessing of my adorable daughter Jasmine, who at 4 and a half years of age, offers me her renewed love for me on a daily basis with every "Mummeeeeee" that comes from her room in the morning when she wakes. She displayed the desire to be Mummy's little shadow last night before bedtime and "help" me to sort out a computer issue, and just blesses me generally with her presence, even during the tense times we have together sometimes.

I am also thankful for my wonderful 'adopted' siblings here in Brisbane, who provide me with love, advice and support when times get a bit hard for me while I do it solo as a parent. Without these siblings, and others who provide me with support, I would not 'do life' as well as I do while living so far away from my family.

My thankfulness stretches right out beyond this blog page to my new Sisters in Christ that I have found in blogland. I am so grateful that God led me here as I am learning to be a better person for God, and also sharing my life experiences and knowledge with others who are going through what I have gone through in life so far.

The greatest thanks, however, must go to our Heavenly Father and our wonderful Saviour, Jesus Christ, who are with us 24/7, watching over us and caring for us as God's Girls. We are blessed and Hebrews 12:28 expresses it well -

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe..."

"Thank you dear Lord that I have been blessed with the wonderful people that I have in my life today. Thank you that I am able to learn from them, and turn to them when I am weak. And thank you that I am always able to turn to you at any time and about any thing, and that I know you will always be there for me. In Your Heavenly Name, Amen."

My Lesson from Moses...

My 4 year old daughter, Jasmine's, introduction to the Bible was a Veggie Tales DVD titled "Mo and the Big Exit", put in normal terms as "Moses and the Israelites Leaving Egypt". She is also a big fan of the "Prince of Egypt"; while not perhaps completely biblically correct, was based on the same story. So, why start my blogging experience about this story in particular?

Our nightly routine includes reading from her Illustrated Children's Bible and recently I read Jasmine the story of Moses striking the rock, sinning against God and being told he would not enter the Promised Land, and then his death.

I was OK with the story and understood that Moses wouldn't be allowed to lead the nation into the Promised Land, but that's when the emotion started stirring up inside me. I kept reading on about the bronze snake and the talking donkey. But, when I started reading about Moses having his one last talk with the Israelites, then going up onto the mountain to see the Promised Land, and then dying, the tears started falling. So much so that Jasmine had to tell me to "talk properly Mummy".

After settling Jasmine in her bed, saying her prayers and giving her a kiss and cuddle goodnight, I decided to open up my Bible and do some study on what happened. I knew that part of what I was feeling was purely and simply good old fashioned sentimentality. You know in the movies how the girl doesn't get the guy, someone misses out on doing or getting something they've worked so hard for, etc. Basically, I felt sad for Moses. But I also knew that God was speaking to me. He wanted me to learn from this reaction about the sin and death of this Servant of God.

Moses spent 120 years on the earth with the bulk of that as God's servant. He wrote the introductory books of the Old Testament. He spoke at length with God in the Tent of Meeting. He spent time on Mt Sinai with God. He just did and witnessed all these amazing things for and of God that it's probably incomprehensible to even understand them as we live and breathe now. So why did I feel the way I did?

I believe it's because God was telling me a very important message; that even if I strive to live, breath, move and do everything for Him, I am not to disobey Him and take credit for His good works as my own. I must be patient, even with those whom I find intolerable to bear at times. I must always honour Him in everything I do, say, believe, even if it means condemnation on my part. I must be His, totally, completely and undeniably, so that I can glorify Him always. I must also learn to take punishment as it is deserved, accept that I have sinned, ask for His forgiveness, be weak in His strength, and in all of this I must, and I mean MUST, always glorify Him. Everything I have is from Him, just as everything that Moses and the Israelites had was from Him; it wasn't by their own works. Yes, they travelled and toiled a long way and for a long time in the desert, but in everything that happened to them - the good and bad, there was an opportunity to learn and grow. And that, summed up in five words is what it is all about; an opportunity to learn and grow. Plainly and simply said, but with two words missing - "for Him".

It's all for Him. God gave me this life I'm living. I've messed it up a bit along the way, but by His saving grace, I am where I am today...exactly where He needs me to be.

So my lesson from my emotional reaction to the story of the sin and death of Moses, Servant of God, can be summarized as this:

I must obey God; I must give Him the credit for all my good works, as they come from Him; I must be patient; I must not speak or act rashly; I must accept discipline from God when deserved; I must glorify Him in everything I do and say; and I must look at everything as an opportunity to learn and grown for Him, who shows me His grace, even when disciplining me, as a good father should.

Bible references for the story of Moses’ sin and death can be found as follows:
Water from the Rock – Numbers 20:1-13
Moses Forbidden to Cross the Jordan – Deuteronomy 3:21-29
Moses to Die on Mount Nebo – Deuteronomy 32:48-52
The Death of Moses – Deuteronomy 34