Tomorrow...



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Tomorrow I turn forty-one. The last year has gone by very fast and a lot of things have happened. Both good things and bad things. The best thing that has happened is that I no longer dread tomorrow.

"I have learned to live each day as it comes and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow." - Dorothy Dix

I used to worry about more things than I should have. The kind of things that are natural to worry about as a mere mortal, but things that God does not want us to concern ourselves with: money, clothing, food, and so on.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" - Matthew 7:25-27 NIV

I also used to worry about things that I knew were, and are, completely out of my hands. These things have not changed; the uncertainty and the concerns are still there, but the worry has gone.

I've learned that God has a way of sorting things out. I just need to wait for Him to do what He has to do. I need patience, and I also need productivity during these seasons of waiting.

I don't know what tomorrow holds, outside of it being my birthday. God knows what tomorrow, and forever, holds. I'll be trusting Him in the present day to provide for my tomorrows as I know that He has ensured my forever is certain.

Has a Year Really Gone By?

Me ... 1972

 Last night I sat in the quiet of my child-free house eating mini Oreos and thinking that I should really just go to bed. But then I started thinking about my birthday, which happens next week.  Am I really going to be 41?  Forty-one ... even saying it sounds weird.  Me ... Paula Whitehouse ... 41?  Yes!

I don't feel that I am grown up enough to be 41.  I don't feel qualified.  But what qualifies me?  How does 41 feel?

I have no answers to these questions, but I do know that I feel like I do because that is how God made me.  My body's aches and pains tell me that I'm getting older.  With every year, I can see my daughter is getting older, thus I am too.  The gray hair that is slowly creeping into my blonde mane tells me I am getting older.  Then why do I still feel timid, shy, insecure ... that others know more than me?

Again, a question that I have no answer to.

I found out today that someone I respected a lot what not who she appeared to be.  Truths came out that told me that she was a fake ... a big fraud, and that I, unknowingly, fell for her charade.  I tweeted about my trusting nature, knowing all the while that God gave me a trusting nature for a reason.  What reason is that?  Again, no answer available here.

So, as I approach my 41st birthday, and as I look in the mirror at the person looking back at me, I wonder what purpose God has for me.  I know I am exactly today where I'm meant to be, but the feeling of there being more is always bubbling at the surface.

A year has gone by since I left my thirties and turned the big four-oh.  I was quite proud to be turning 40.  But 41, well ... it just sounds too grown up for me.

I pray that God will continue to give me answers to the questions I have, and that I will continue to focus on where He wants me to focus and not on what I want.

Click here for some of my thoughts from twelve months ago.

Happy "Freedom Birthday" To Me...

Tomorrow marks the 26th anniversary of what I affectionately refer to as my "Freedom Birthday" It's the day when I became a Christian in 1984. Don't cheer too soon though, as in these 26 years, I have only actually walked closely with the Lord for just under eight of them. Yes, disappointing, I know...

However, I am not disappointed, and neither is God. Actually, what I look back on as a crazy 18 years of doing my own thing, now forms the basis of my message. But, it's not just those 18 years that were crazy as the last 4 years have been too. A Keanu “Whoa!” moment here, if you please!

While I had the foundational knowledge of God, Jesus, Christianity, etc when I returned to my walk with God four years ago, I did not actually know the true mean of the freedom that faith, and more importantly trust, in God provides. There is an obvious difference between saying that you believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins (anyone can say that actually), to actually feeling it in your heart, living it and having the true freedom it provides.

I grew up adhering to the rules that are in the Bible, or more to the point trying to adhere to them but failing miserably. The notion that I was being a naughty girl by not doing as I was told led me to feel guilt and shame. I rebelled majorly when I was eighteen and I now wish, in some aspects, that I had not.

I’ve learnt over the last four years that adhering to the rules of the Bible is not what it is all about. That is legalism. That is living by the law that was set down in the Old Testament when the Israelites only had sacrifices to give. I now live by grace, which was given to all of us who accept Jesus as our Lord and Saviour when the ultimate – and last - sacrifice took place. It was when God in Flesh, Jesus, died on the cross for our sins – past, present AND future.

I will not be able to live the next thirty plus years living by the law, but I know that I will be able to live by grace. The relief of knowing that God has forgiven me of my sins, loves me anyway, and wants me to share this forgiveness and love with those who do, and do not, know Him.

So…Happy Freedom Birthday to Me!

Thank you God for creating me, thank you Jesus for saving me and thank you Holy Spirit for guiding me.

Bon Voyage...

Tomorrow Jasmine and I are venturing to my home state to visit with my family for my 40th birthday, which is next Thursday! Did I type 'next Thursday'...I meant NEXT THURSDAY! Yes, I am a tad excited by it all!

I woke in the early hours (2am to be exact only to return to sleep at approximately 4am) with a sore throat, aching face and chest and the depressing thought that I have a cold...again! I had only just recovered a couple of weeks back from a cold/virus/horrible "keep me away from work thingie" that I picked up at the end of March. So, today I have been trying to rest while also packing suitcases for Jasmine and I to head to a cold climate!

I am about to enjoy some decaf black tea, pop some headache tablets and take more allergy/head cold medicine and pray that I can sleep!

I shall bid blogland a loving farewell for a brief duration and will return in a couple of weeks!

On The Eve...

...of the day when we celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, I would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. We are truly blessed to be able to freely celebrate this blessed occasion. My focus on Christmas, and especially how Jasmine sees it, has changed quite dramatically over the last few years. I am thankful that I have a daughter who loves Jesus and who is so able to understand about both Jesus and Santa. Speaking of the jolly man, I am teaching Jasmine about the history of Santa, but focussing on the fact that Christmas is just that - CHRISTmas; it's about and for Jesus. It's not just about a holiday and receiving gifts. Although, the ultimate gift that mankind received was Jesus, which is enough for me. Have a wonderful Christmas!

He Is With Me...

"And behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of." - Genesis 28:15 (Bullinger's Companion Bible)

My birthday has come and gone with greetings, gifts and good food, but the best part of it was God's Word (above) that was given to me. His promise that He will not leave me and is with me always and wherever I go. The promise of His eternal devotion and support with one year left to go on my Exit Wilderness Project. Amazing words and an enlightening promise by the One who gave life to me and has allowed me to journey through to this point in time.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for the promises You make and never break. Thank You for staying with me even when I was walking on the wrong path. Thank You for such a blessed birthday. In Jesus' Name, Amen