Saturday, 28 May 2011

Has a Year Really Gone By?

Me ... 1972
 Last night I sat in the quiet of my child-free house eating mini Oreos and thinking that I should really just go to bed. But then I started thinking about my birthday, which happens next week.  Am I really going to be 41?  Forty-one ... even saying it sounds weird.  Me ... Paula Whitehouse ... 41?  Yes!

I don't feel that I am grown up enough to be 41.  I don't feel qualified.  But what qualifies me?  How does 41 feel?

I have no answers to these questions, but I do know that I feel like I do because that is how God made me.  My body's aches and pains tell me that I'm getting older.  With every year, I can see my daughter is getting older, thus I am too.  The gray hair that is slowly creeping into my blonde mane tells me I am getting older.  Then why do I still feel timid, shy, insecure ... that others know more than me?

Again, a question that I have no answer to.

I found out today that someone I respected a lot what not who she appeared to be.  Truths came out that told me that she was a fake ... a big fraud, and that I, unknowingly, fell for her charade.  I tweeted about my trusting nature, knowing all the while that God gave me a trusting nature for a reason.  What reason is that?  Again, no answer available here.

So, as I approach my 41st birthday, and as I look in the mirror at the person looking back at me, I wonder what purpose God has for me.  I know I am exactly today where I'm meant to be, but the feeling of there being more is always bubbling at the surface.

A year has gone by since I left my thirties and turned the big four-oh.  I was quite proud to be turning 40.  But 41, well ... it just sounds too grown up for me.

I pray that God will continue to give me answers to the questions I have, and that I will continue to focus on where He wants me to focus and not on what I want.

Click here for some of my thoughts from twelve months ago.


  1. Hi Paula. They say your 40's are the new 30's. I always tell myself I'm going to improve with age. Working on that one.
    God bless

  2. I pray that your 41st birthday is awesome for you Paula. Enjoy the wisdom, challenges and blessings of each year the LORD gives to you. I'm heading toward 46.

    Blessings and love!