Yes to God Tuesday: "Behind Those Eyes" Review...

The Yes to God Tuesday study on “Behind Those Eyes: What’s really going on inside the souls of women” by Lisa Whittle (and hosted by Lelia at "Write From Heart") was most definitely a gift sent from God for me. Although I did not get to ‘properly’ finish the study with the other ladies due to life getting a bit out of control late last year, I have still been reading through the book, and last night I finished it!

Lisa starts to book with a chapter called “The Truth Hurts”. And it does! Right from that chapter to the end, there were a lot of truths that jumped out and jabbed me right where it hurts the most...in my soul! Lisa finished the book with “The Truth Heals”, which is most poignant as, from cover to cover, this book shows that the truth not only hurts but it heals, and healing is what a lot of women (and men, if truth be known) need in their lives.

“You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” – John 8:32.

Lisa showed us in each chapter about how this verse is so very truth, from covering the various charades that we hide behind (perfection, confidence, happiness and spirituality) to the fact that we use cosmetics (not literally though!) to cover up the blemishes in our souls and how we conceal all that we can about ourselves. But the jewel, the shining light, the beacon of hope, and, as Lisa calls it, "THE REAL DEAL", comes in part three. Fourteen words in two sentences that come straight from the Father to us via Lisa...

“We are completely loved and accepted completely”...“we are completely flawed yet forgiven completely.”

These are 14 words that we need to hear, and 14 words that we need to REALLY believe. God loves us in spite of ourselves. We are the reason why we don’t feel free. We equate freedom to the worldly perspective; what this person thinks of us, to how we look, to why we act the way we do. But God, and let’s thank Him for this, He does not change the way He thinks about us, we don’t have to do anything to impress Him, He made us the way we are and delights in what we consider foibles, and He created us to act, talk, walk, think, sit, eat...just everything really...the way we do.

Isn’t it pleasing, and a relief, to know that we...do...not...need...to...impress...anyone! The only One that matters is already impressed with us!

I think that I am hopeless at life...at times. I think that I fail at doing this or doing that...at times. I sometimes think I laugh too loud, frown too much and daydream a little too often, but the realisation is that this is who I am meant to be has now hit home through reading Lisa’s book. I laugh loud because it’s my way of sharing my joy, I frown too much because I am a deep thinker, and I daydream a little too often because I know that there is more to life than just getting up and doing the same old thing every day.

There are many scribbles in my “Behind Those Eyes” book now, and too many for me to make reference to my favourite quotes from Lisa. Basically, I loved the whole book. It IS truth and it IS a means of freedom for anyone who is trapped in a life of not quite being who you think you should be. If you want to know the person that God planned for you to be, read the book. It will open your eyes, and your soul, to the ‘you’ that God intended. It will teach you that ‘you’ are the reason that your soul is clouded with doubt and fear, and also why freedom in your heart, soul and mind is just that little bit out of your grasp.

In closing, I will quote Lisa who clears up that mystery, when she writes...

“Know this, my sisters and friends: Jesus is the only One who can truly heal our souls, from the inside out.”

There, my friends, is how you can find out “what’s really going on inside” your soul. His truth is simple: He loves us just the way we are (there is that Bridget Jones quote again!). We make it hard as we do not open ourselves up to the truth, which is a truth that WILL set you free.

Yes To God Tuesday - Chapter 5: Ms Spirituality...

I love how Lisa opens this chapter with the story of the bleeding woman, and I agree that Ms Spirituality would not like to have to deal with this situation. Any recognition of someone less than herself would go against Ms Spirituality’s grain. I know that Ms Spirituality means well, but after reading this chapter, and witnessing some Ms Spirituality action this week, I do wonder what on earth is going on in her mind! I think that it has a lot to do with her association with Ms Perfection, Ms Confidence and Ms Happiness. As long as her life is perfect, she is able to portray a confident woman and comes across as happy, then everything in her world is A-OK. WRONG!

I have to say that I don’t really appreciate Ms Spirituality’s zeal for all things “spiritual”. It’s very off-putting and can be a detriment to a person and their perception of the church and Christians. Lisa writes that Ms Spirituality “is determined to show people just how spiritual she is, and she knows exactly how to go about doing just that.” She is a skilled professional and I agree with Lisa in questioning “not that Ms Spirituality does these things, rather why she does these things.”

I think she does these things to continue the cover up in that although she does love God, she isn’t in tune enough with herself and her limitations to really allow God to get through the fake exterior that is her life. The Ms Spirituality theme is a continuation of the previous three chapters in "The Great Charade".

Ms Spirituality is intimidating. Having grown up going to church and being involved as a teen with Sunday school, girls rally, youth group and so on, I know what it is to serve in the church. After not going to church for almost 20 years and now attending a large church, I can see how easy it is to fall into the Ms Spirituality trap. The allure of being popular can overshadow the true purpose of attending, which is to serve God on His terms and in His way. “The problem comes when our performance of these characteristics takes precedence over the actual condition of our hearts.”

This point of note from Lisa has made me question the condition of my heart. I truly want to serve God, but I don’t want to be known as a “Ms” within the church. I don’t think I fit the mold of who Ms Spirituality is portrayed as with being a single mum, and after reading this chapter I certainly am not going to aspire to it. My spirituality is not the actions I perform in church, the groups I’m a member of, how many times I do this or that; it is how I live my everyday life and bring glory to God by what I think, say and do.

“Ironically, church is the one place we should feel the safest from judgement by our peers, yet it’s the very place we often experience the most rejection and legalism." Without going into details on this one, this quote from Lisa is right on the money. Referring back to my status as a single mum, I have felt the effects of rejection and legalism because of it. It is not a situation that I wanted to be in, but here I am, and God has a purpose for it and I am thankful to Him for where I am now, despite the hardships. I like how Lisa cites the example of the alcoholic husband in the book and I think that this is what is needed in church, and in life in general for that matter; honesty. If a person cannot come along to church, with all their insecurities and weaknesses, and failures, and feel accepted and loved, where can they go? And what sort of example is the church giving out? Ms Spirituality certainly doesn’t help in this area. It’s all pomp and ceremony to her, and that’s what the world doesn’t need when they come along to church. They need raw and open honesty, and most importantly, acceptance.

“Fortunately for all of us, spiritual perfection is not a requirement of faith in Jesus Christ." I am so far from being spiritually perfect. I mess up ALL the time, and it’s not only a daily occurrence, but an hourly one. It’s whether or not we repent and ask for forgiveness that gives us our spiritual edge, not the acts that we perform to cover our mistakes up. I am held back by my “human limitations and inadequacies”, but through God’s grace He has given me the opportunity to better myself for Him. This chapter has reminded me that I need to stop seeking to be more spiritual; I need to just go to the Source so I can feel His Spirit within me. Lisa writes that, “...our lack of spiritual perfection may be the best thing in the world for us since it reminds us that we are absolutely nothing without Christ.” There, again, is more proof of God’s safety measure/insurance policy for us. We need Him. Not as back up, but at the forefront; relying on Him at ALL times and for everything.

Being “spiritual” isn’t about what’s on the outside. It’s about what’s going on inside our hearts, our minds, and, as with the theme of the book, our souls. It requires us to “be a Jesus person.” I love that term. It’s so easy to be religious, but when I think of the word “religious” in how it’s described in the book – brushing our teeth, watching Monday night football, etc, I don’t want to be religious. I want to be a Jesus person, hence, why I am called a Christian.

Being “spiritual” is being filled with the Holy Spirit and living our everyday lives as the Holy Spirit guides us to. Therefore, it doesn’t matter how many times we go to Bible study, how many areas we serve in at church, and all the other things on the lists in the book. All that matters is the condition of our heart and whether or not we are truly in touch with the source of true spirituality and are living for Him. “True spirituality is about the awesome power of God showing up in a person’s life to the point that people around her notice the difference.”

I want people around me to notice the difference about me. I want them to see how God works in my life by how I deal with my everyday life. I do want to share how I attend church and assist in certain areas there, but I want to share what God does in my life at the grass roots level. I want them to see God’s spirit shine from inside me, not by being Ms Spirituality but by being Paula, God’s Girl, who loves Him very much for never leaving me, and who also loves Jesus very much for the sacrifice He made so I can be who I am today.

“To be spiritually minded is life and peace.” – Romans 8:6 (KJV)

I want life and I want peace, so that means I need to connect to the Source of the Spirit, not just pretend to. Thank you Lisa for the lessons learnt in Part One: The Great Charade on all the various types of women we need not be. It’s time to tackle Part Two: The Massive Cover-up...whoa!

YTGT...Coming Soon...

My Yes To God Tuesday post will have to wait a couple more days as...

Yes To God Tuesday - Chapter Four: Ms Happiness...

OK, where does one start with Ms Happiness? Well, I will start by saying that I am guilty of being Ms Happiness and will explain why below. I don’t like being labelled as Ms Happiness, so I am praying for change, and soon!

I’ve discovered while doing this study that my daily devotionals, e-devotionals, etc, during any given week seem to be tying in with what I’m learning about myself through the study. This week has been a doozie (I think that’s how you spell that crazy word!) and has been like, “whoa!” to coin a Keanu Reeves catchphrase.

I’ve learnt that if God tells you something twice in a row, then it’s a good idea to listen, and that’s what He’s made me do this week. He has been yip-yapping in my ear all week and the lessons learnt all tie in with how to NOT be Ms Happiness.

So, back to ‘she’ who we all don’t want to be - Ms Happiness. Crystal Boyd nailed it with, “We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we’re frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough…that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together…when…when…” and so on.

Well, you know as well as I do that THIS…IS…NOT…GONNA…HAPPEN! How do I know? I’ve lived it, and I’m now living a life I never imagined that I would be living because I fell for the Ms Happiness propaganda. I tried the marriage thing…nada, I tried the baby thing (bless her little cotton socks)…zilch, and I tried waiting until he got his act together and ended up booting him out as I could see he was never doing to, so zippo on that one too. None of the things that I thought would bring me happiness did. Lessons learned, and hard!

I thought that I could make myself happy, that someone I loved/love could make my happy, and that something I had or did could make me happy. And not once, not twice, but three times over I have been disappointed. Why? It’s like Lisa says – “Seeking an outside source to make us happy will never do the trick in the long term”. I’m in my ‘long term’ now, and I am not married (I am a divorcee), I have the baby (well, a 4 and a half year old), I don’t have the ‘things’ or do the ‘thing’ that I thought would make me happy, and I have learnt, and am still learning, valuable lessons from it all.

The nuts and bolts of it all is this; I don’t care too much for the ‘things’. You know the things I mean. The “oh honey, let’s decide on what kitchen cabinets to install” type of things. I’ve never had the experience of picking out new kitchen cabinets, but I’ve seen what ‘happiness’ it can and cannot bring so I’ll give that a miss. Yes, I’d like to not be living in a 34 year old rented house with the original kitchen cabinets, but outside of the house being clean and tidy, with my daughter and I being able to wear presentable clothes and to drive around in a not too old car, I am pretty well satisfied. I did want the successful job that would make me important and earn me the big bucks, but that fell out of my grasp and now I’m a self-titled support officer (aka servant) to other people, and I enjoy that...most of the time.

I am very guilty, however, of thinking that someone I love can make my world complete. How wrong was/am I!!! Thankfully the Lord has shown me that only He, our Eternal Source of Joy (don’t you just love it!), will ‘complete me’. He will never let me down, He will never make me feel less than the princess I am in His eyes, and He will discipline and admonish me lovingly. Why? Because He likes to give the benefit of the doubt so I can bounce back and learn from the error of my ways and move forward without referring back to ‘my bad’.

The thing that I need to concentrate on now is drawing closer to God so that He can fill my soul with the joy that I so long for. Happiness is defined as a noun and “the quality or state of being happy” and also “good fortune, pleasure, contentment, joy”. Happy is defined as being “delighted, pleased or glad”. Hmmm…delighted in what? Pleased with what? Glad about what? Things, people, what exactly? We know where true happiness lies, however...

Lisa writes how “happiness is not the holy grail. Real joy is where it’s really at. True joy comes from within when we are operating in our life in the way that pleases God”. Amen to that! Happiness is equated to being happy. Smiling, laughing, with everything being A-OK 24/7. But no, life is not like that all the time. There will be times when we are not delighted, pleased or glad. Going by the dictionary’s definition, we cannot feel happiness when it’s described as a “state of being happy”, and when there is good fortune, pleasure and contentment involved.

But we can breathe easy in the knowledge of joy! Joy is where it’s at. Joy in ALL states, whether it is good fortune or bad circumstances; whether we’re well, sick, happy, sad, angry, upset, forlorn, etc. I know for certain that I do not feel happy a lot of the time because things happen that make me the very opposite of happy. But am I joyful? Most of the time, yes, but I am learning through Him how to make myself be joyful in Him ALL of the time.

Solomon, he of untold wisdom bestowed upon Him from God, tried it all and went back to the Source. I tried it (perhaps not all, but most of it) and I am back at the Source, and I know you’ve probably tried it all (or not) and you’re now back at the Source. The Source is telling us something good and we need to listen. WE NEED HIM!

I love Solomon’s words in Ecclesiastes 12:1, 13 (NLT) - “Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, ‘Life is not pleasant anymore’...Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty.” Lisa writes the following - “Written so long ago, it’s as if Solomon’s words were written just for us today, in our quest for happiness.”

Our childhood and youth was where we first encountered joy and we, through our vain attempts to get ‘joy’ to be an ongoing trip, forget where the source is and sought it from other means, thus losing our innocence, our purpose and, ultimately, our joy. “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” – Job 8:21

My favourite verse about joy from the selection of verses Lisa gives is this –

“The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.” – Psalm 19:8 (NIV)

This verse is a reminder that the Lord is the ONLY means by which I can get true joy in my heart. His commands are the ONLY way to live a light-filled and joyful life.

So, Ms Happiness, although she may think that she’s ‘all that’, she has NOTHING on our Source. The space craft that I’m going to jettison off into the atmosphere is getting pretty crowded. Bring on Ms Spirituality. If I thought this last week was a tough one, I’m thinking that next week will be...dare I say this word again...a doozie!

Hardwired to the Source...

In the online Bible study I'm doing with the Yes To God ladies, we are reading "Behind Those Eyes: What's really going on inside the souls of women" by Lisa Whittle, and so far we have read about Ms Perfection and Ms Confidence.

In the chapter on Ms Confidence, Lisa talks about "the Source", who we all know is God. Well...I'm finding it very interesting that I keep getting thoughts in my head about living life more simply (hence less blogging!), relying on God and Jesus for strength and advice, and so on.

This morning while reading through some emails I came across a very interesting book at Zondervan Inspire, which talks about God being our Source and how we are hardwired to him. Please take a read of "Hardwired to Seek God" and get inspired with me. And yes, this is another book to add to my ever growing reading list!

Yes To God Tuesday - Chapter Three: Ms Confidence...

After many attempts at writing my post for this chapter, I decided to read through some other posts and then write mine. Now, it’s not that I was stumped by this chapter; it’s more the fact that my brain capacity has been somewhat stilted this week. I'm pleased to say that I didn’t even get through the first paragraph of Naomi from Among the Gum Trees post, and my writer’s block disappeared and I knew my direction for this post.

Naomi summed it up nicely in paragraph one on how I feel about confidence – “I now believe that having confidence means that we know that no matter what, God loves us. Plain and pure and simply, He loves us and therefore we live in confidence - confidence in Him, and confidence in who we are in Him.”

I certainly do believe this and God has proven to me over the last year that He is all that I need to be confident in my life and all that I do. Naomi writes how she has known that but not lived it, and I can honestly say that I have known that too, to a certainly degree, and definitely did not live it, but I now, in my 39th year of life, know it, FEEL IT, and live it.

Before that…well, I spent my late teens and all of my adult life (yes, ALL of it, until the last year) searching for confidence in the wrong places. People and possessions do NOT give you confidence. These things make you think that you’re confident in a temporal sense but they do not go through your skin and plant confidence in your soul where you really need to feel it. Only a firm belief and trust in God can do that.

I used to be the kind of girl who had to have everything organised and perfect; I had to know what I was doing step by step of the way; whether that was in my relationships, my finances or my home life. That is a really unhealthy way to do life as I found out. So now, I’m less organised than I ever used to be and have become a ‘face the fear and do it’ kind of girl.

Lisa writes that “The reality is that no matter how confident we as women want people to think we are, there are moments for all of us when the layers are not quite thick enough to keep us completely insulated.” Deep down inside I get scared and I put on a brave front to face the world from time to time, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I discussed my confidence with my best friend here yesterday and she agreed with me in that what you see is what you get with me. I don’t pretend that I’m ‘all that’ in the confidence stakes, but I am confident. I don’t pretend that I’m not vulnerable, as I will openly admit that I am. I get nervous just going outside my front door some days!

I like to look nice and be presentable when I leave the house, but there are days when I just don’t care, and that’s cool with me; I still feel confident in who I am. I like to have my house clean and tidy, but again there are days when I just don’t care; but that doesn’t’ mean that has to effect who I am as far as my confidence goes. I am confident in the fact that at that very moment in time I am loved – 100% - by my creator and that no matter what I look like, or whether my house is spotless or not, He will still love me and enable me to be all that I am for Him.

“A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey…But a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.” I never used to think that I was strong enough for the journey, but my journey, especially over the last 3 years, has made me strong. Even now when I have my bad days (or weeks) I have faith that by the end of the trip I’m going to be stronger than what I was in the beginning.

One sentence that Lisa wrote really stood out to me - “Sadly, in our society, the way many women view our sexuality seems to be the litmus test about how confident and strong we are.” Society has made it so that women feel that have to look a certain way and act a certain way to be confident, and more importantly, to feel popular and loved. This is so wrong! I know all too well how the search for acceptance and love – for confidence in self – is targeted in all the wrong areas. The idea that looking a certain way, being popular with the guys (sprinkler girl has it SO wrong!) and gaining confidence through physical relations with others is not how God intended it to be. You will only feel confident until your looks fade, the guys (might I add, the shallow guys) move onto the next chick who is wearing a smaller bikini, and you’ve ‘lent’ yourself to one too many for the sake of a temporary feeling of being loved and appreciated and that feeling is gone. I know this because, outside of the sprinkler and the bikini, I have lived this!

God is my confidence. He has given me the confidence and abilities that I have now to live my life for His purpose, not mine. I will not, and I know this for fact, be a confident woman by putting on a made up face, by wearing the finest clothes, by being popular with the ‘in’ crowd, or by belittling other people and negating their ideas with mine. No, no and no!

Proverbs 3:26 sums it up nicely - “For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.” The snare is getting a temporary high – that feeling of worth - from a false confidence that worldly pleasures and appreciation gives. Only a God-filled life can give us the true confidence we need. Amen to that!

A Case of Writer's Block...

This is a first for me...I have nothing to say, hehe. No, seriously, I do have things to say, but I'm just not 'with it' enough today to do so. What I'm referring to is my post for the Yes To God online Bible study. I am a tad sleep deprived and suffering the emotional and mental effects of being a women (you know what I'm saying?!?!?), so I'm going to hold off posting my thoughts until I catch up on some sleep and review some preliminary notes (two pages actually) that I've typed up.

For those who may be thinking 'oh, I hope she is OK'...yes, I am. There is nothing wrong outside of me just being a bit tired and worn out. So, in lieu of reading my contribution, please pop over to the lovely Lelia's page and check out her post, and also the comments and posts on Mr Linky that my fellow Bible studiers have written.

Until I return...keep smiling my friends!

Yes To God Tuesday - Chapter Two: Ms Perfection...

Week two of the Yes To God Tuesday study brings us to the topic of Ms Perfection...hmmm. Well, all I can say about her is that she has really played a big part in messing up the minds and lives of a lot of women in the world - Christian and non-Christian. Somewhere along the way, maybe in the 50s and 60s with the age of "Mrs Super Subservient and Perfection Personified" (in advertising at least!), the myth was created that as women, wives, mothers, etc; we had to strive for perfection. The only problem with that is that no-one actually set the bar on perfection (because, as we know, it can't be done) or provided a manual on how it was done and as Psalm 119:96 reminds us..."To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless."

Over the last few working days I've had to organise some computer training, of which I'm also running, for 46 staff members across 3 locations. This has entailed liaising with a number of people to organise attendee lists, arranging room bookings and computer access, finalising attendances, printing off resources, organising seating plans and computer logins, as well as some last minute swatting on what training I need to deliver. I love this type of organising, and thrive on the challenge, so it was all good, until...yes, there's an until...it was discovered that the computer access I needed for one location had not, and may not, come through on time.

Panic stations almost! But I kept a cool head and phoned the lady who will be doing the training at that location and we came up with an alternative. I almost had it perfect! Almost! I am a perfectionist when it comes to things like this, and in actual fact most things that I do when it comes to my work life. Home life...well, ask me on a day when I've washed, ironed, vacuumed and dusted all on the one day instead of over a week! My 'almost perfect' day reminded me of the fact that nobody, except God, is perfect. He is the only one who can attain, and produce, such a thing. He made the earth and gave us His perfect Son; proof enough there.

Lisa writes that, "God doesn't have to prove anything to us to let us see our imperfections. We can manage all on our own." How true is that! We manage it because we set the bar too high on trying to be perfect. This then causes us to become frustrated with ourselves; not liking ourselves and our so-called 'failure' at being perfect, so we try even harder the next time, only to fall even harder. It's a crazy notion that we do this to ourselves, but we do. "They have pitched us an image...and we've fallen for it. We are buying into the notion of perfect wife, perfect mother, and perfect package, at the expense of ourselves and our loved ones."

I tried the perfect wife gig once and failed miserably because I bought into the 'perfection' game based on unrealistic expectations. Perfection as a wife does not exist. Perfection as a mere human being DOES NOT EXIST! I wasted valuable relationship building moments with my then husband trying to be perfect. I spent more time with my home and possessions, taking care of them, than what I did of him.

As for the perfect mum; don't get me started there! I know that I am a good mother and meet Jasmine's needs, but I really do fail in some areas that I feel are vital. I have asked myself whether I am striving for perfection, and I know that I am not. I just want to be the best mother I can be for my daughter. Ways in which I experience the Perfect Mum Syndrome in my life is that I'd like to have a clean house all the time, that the laundry and ironing always be up to date, that I have lots of energy to do lots of fun things with Jasmine, and that I provide and cook fun and healthy foods for us to eat. I do have a clean house; it just has that 'lived in' look (I love that term!). The truth...well, the laundry is always clean, but it's usually left hanging to dry on an indoor line and waiting to be pressed in the ironing basket. I have energy until I get home from a full day at work, 5 days a week, and then I'm hard pressed to find much energy after that. I cook food from the necessary food groups. They don't always get served on the same day, but at least we eat them! As a solo parent, I need to watch that I don't try to be 'all that' and wear myself completely out. I have to cut myself, and Jasmine, some more slack.

The perfect package should be packed up into a space craft and jettisoned off into the sky never to return. Oh, what a myth the perfect package is. I know women who seem like the perfect package. Energy, popularity, career, house, car, husband, kids, you name it, she's got it. As I've become older and wiser, I know that it's all just a facade. Yes, she may have all that, but underneath there is always, and I mean ALWAYS, something that is the bee in the bonnet of this 'perfect' being. Whether it be marital problems, a rebellious child, monetary worries, etc; there is always something. We can never be, do or deliver 100%, only God can.

One important thing I've learnt over the years is what Lisa put so well here - "I have learned that peace comes from my relationship with Christ, not my weight, my clothing size, what car I drive or how many church functions I attend. Peace does not come from pleasing others, but from obeying God." That is so very true. At 38 years of age I have one broken marriage that resulted in divorce, and a failed relationship that resulted in a child born out of wedlock behind me. I haven’t attained the 'great Australian dream' of a mortgage and the ‘super duper’ career that a lot of others think I should have. But, I have learnt that true peace and happiness comes from what you give others in life, not in what life and others give you. Lisa is right, and we all know this; peace can only come from believing in and loving Christ. Amen for Jesus!

We have nothing to prove to Him; He loves us just as we are (there's that Bridget Jones quote again!). Our attempts at striving for perfection are just vain attempts to get others to like us, or at least that's my opinion anyway. I've spent many years trying to find happiness in perfecting my life and my relationships with other people. It didn't work because it just DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! God doesn't allow it to work that way. If we were able to be perfect, we would not need Him, and oh how we need Him!

The challenge question is whether or not it is important for me to be seen as perfect or real in a certain area. I strive to do the best job that I am humanly able to do (with help from Mr Perfection Himself thrown in, of course!), whether it be at home or at work, or in my relationships, but I know that I cannot be perfect. That being the case, I would rather be seen as real. I'm the chick that bursts into tears at work when it all gets too much for me. I'm the chick who openly admits that she suffers from foot in mouth disease. But that's me; that's the real Paula. But I am also the chick who will openly admit when she is wrong, and that she is NOT perfect. And, most imporantly, I am the chick who will openly admit that she gets all her strength, faith and abilities from God and my belief in Jesus who died to forgive me of all the 'perfection seeking' wrongs that I have done.

I make no bones about the fact that I WANT TO BE SEEN AS REAL. Yes, there will always been an element of 'striving for perfection' there, but I am only human, so I put that down to a design flaw…hehe. Seriously though, it's not a design flaw when you think about it when it comes to how God designed us. It’s a reminder of who we should actually be turning to for fulfilment. It's another one of God's safety measures and insurance policies. We need Him so bad that it's unbelievable and He has set the bar for being perfect and He's so very good at it. We strive for it so we can make other people happy, but in the long run it's only God that we need to please.

We need to re-define the dictionary meaning for 'perfection' from this…

Perfection – noun
1. the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.
2. the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as in some art.
3. a perfect embodiment or example of something.
4. a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence.
5. the highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality or trait.
6. the act or fact of perfecting.

…to this…

Perfection – noun
1. God

Let's leave it to the expert, and just set our business to doing what He wants us to do. To obeying Him, just as Lisa writes that we should, with our "flaws and all".

PS: Word is in from my best friend in answer to Lisa's question, "Do people see me as someone who tries to be perfect or as someone who is real?", so here goes...

"I see (people see) you as real (what you see is what you get), I love the fact you are honest without being hurtful, but I also think that you in yourself try to strive to be perfect. The reason I say that is whenever you think a negative thought (which is not very often by the way) about anyone/anything you chastise yourself. The world isn't perfect and no-one lives in a perfect world, so if you have a negative thought about anything/anyone, you should not be disappointed in yourself for making the comment, we are only human. God put us on this planet to be free and think freely. I don't like to see when you doubt yourself as I see you as a beautiful, strong, confident wonderful friend/mother who goes out of her way to give your best to people and be the best person you possibly can."

My response is that I do agree that in while being real, I do strive to be perfect, which is a clash of states and won't work. I agree that God did put us on this planet to be free and think freely, but to a certain point, as that is what is required of us as Christians. I am not to conform to an earthly existence, but remain a spiritual thinker. I thank my friend for her open answer, as she is actually one who knows me very well as we work together and spend alot of time communicating outside work. She is also the one person I can rely on to drop what she's doing and be there when I need help. I have long struggled with the Paula the outside world sees as opposed to the Paula I see. I just want to be real, nothing else, just real.

Yes To God Wordle - Chapter One Post...

I thought that while I'm fascinated with Wordle, I'd lap up the enthusiasm and share another word cloud.

The wording in the cloud above was taken from last week's Yes To God Tuesday post. I thought it a nice way to share my thoughts, and I find it especially interesting that down in the bottom left and middle of the cloud the words "Paula craving God" are right next to each other. A valuable reminder of what is fact.

Time to go and finish my Bible study on chapter two now and wait with baited breath for the lovely Lelia to post her thoughts (and Mister Linky).

Inspiration For Our Souls...

With the Yes To God study starting last Tuesday, it seems that blogland is abuzz with how this study is going to change the lives of so many lovely ladies here. Everywhere I turn I am being inspired by the openness and rawness of ladies whom I have not even met in real life. It just goes to show that we do live a spiritual life, even as mere mortals here on earth. God is touching our lives through Lisa's book; with her challenge to us to become authentic and to get real.

The indicators that the time is right for me to get real with God is all around outside of blogland too. In the last 2 days I have come across the following 4 quotes, and as I read them I could not help but think that they are telling me something. Have a read and see if you can pick up on what I mean:

"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today." - William Allen White

"Life is a wilderness of twists and turns where faith is your only compass." - Paul Santaguida

"You see things and you say, "Why?" But I dream things that never were and I say, "Why not?"" - Geroge Bernard Shaw

"Surrender your blunders to the Lord. He can use them to make the pattern of your life more beautiful." - Corrie ten Boom

Yes To God ladies, and others reading this post, do...you...get...it?

I know I do! Do not fear. Remember but don't dwell on yesterday. Love where you are today. Life will always take us in directions we least expect. Have faith. Don't question the "why" too much; only God knows all the answers. Imagine what life can, and will be like, and embrace it. Give up your past to the Lord; release it and let it go. He let us experience what we did to make our life so much better today...yes, TODAY!

The Corrie ten Boom quote came with a verse from Proverbs 16:3 -

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."

Therein is another instruction from our Amazing Father as to what we should be doing to become more authentic and to get real! Give it up! Give up trying to be in control. Give up trying to be someone that we're not.

When I think of the real Paula, the authentic Paula and who God wants me to be, I think back to when I was a child; when I had innocence and looked at the world as a wide-eyed child. I have to stop myself with my daughter and remind myself that she hasn't been there and done all that yet, so I must become like a child in some ways so I can appreciate all that is in front of me. Does this sound familiar?

Yes, Jesus told us in Matthew 18:3-5 that we must "...become like little children...", that "...whoever humbles himself like this child..." and "...whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me." This could be part of our key to getting real with God.

We need to return to our Father. We need to welcome Him back in completely. We need to renew ourselves, plant ourselves back at His feet and say, "here I am Father, I need you, I cannot do this by myself anymore, and I am sorry for going against you and thinking that I could." We need to admit that we just cannot do it alone, that we need to uncover who is actually under all, as Lisa says, "the fluff", and we need to become the women that God originally intended us to be.

Where we are did not happen by accident. He gave us a free reign to do as we pleased, and most of us messed it up. I know that I did, and not just once, but twice, even three times. But I know now where I went wrong. I can admit that I made the WRONG CHOICE! I didn't do what God had told me I should have done. As a young child and teenager, He told me, but I chose not to listen.

Despite all this, the current pattern of my life is more beautiful that it's ever been. My life is not exactly how I would like it to be, but I dare say that if God were standing in front of me right here and right now, He would tell me that it's exactly where He wants me to be. That's good enough for me. I can deal with that. I don't have my sweetie with me, I am raising a child alone, I have health issues that wear me out, but at the end of the day, I have my Lord who sticks by me so amazingly that if I didn't know that He loved me so, I would actually wonder why!

So ladies, we need to elimate the fear, the yesterdays, the questions, the trying to live life by our road map, and we need to have some imagination and faith. And we need to do it TODAY! And most importantly, we need to show the same love for ourselves as God does. That might just be a big ask, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

Dear Lord, Thank you for the love you shower on us, your Girls, as we do life and now endeavour to do it real for you. Please give me the strength to not fear, to dream, to imagine, and to have more faith that it will be OK; that I will be able to let go and let you lead. The best is yet to come, as I know better now, and I am thankful to you for sticking by me all this time. In Your Wonderful Name, Amen

Yes To God Tuesday - Chapter One: The Truth Hurts...

Welcome to post number one for the Yes To God Tuesday study of Lisa Whittle's book "Behind Those Eyes: What's really going on inside the souls of women"! I am very excited to be undertaking this study with such lovely ladies from both here in Australia and across the great watery divide we call the Pacific!

Chapter One: The Truth Hurts -

Lisa Whittle writes- "This chapter explains why we pretend, how we pretend, and why our souls crave much more."

I believe that we, as humans, pretend - are not authentic and are scared to show our true selves - because somewhere along the way from birth to the here and now, we were made to feel less about ourselves than what God wanted us to, and thus have spent, and still spend, pointless but also valuable amounts of time searching for something that God makes available to us at the drop of a hat. We decided, with our own limited human level of thinking, that other people can fill the void that only God can.

We get caught up in striving to be accepted by others that we lose sight of who we really are and should be for a quick fix. I know that I have done that over the years and it has taken me a long time, with more time to come, to forgive myself for that mistake now that I know the truth. And what truth is that? It's that we all need to get real with God.

Lisa writes that we "can't really blame us for pretending to be something we are not." I agree with that wholeheartedly. The only way we can truly know who we are is through God. We need to know what His plan is for us, so that we can know who we are in Him, which is the only way to be and feel complete.

We put our true self on hold; we hide ourselves - do the big cover-up - to "meet a need at the time to get us more of what we want when we do not believe that the truth will." Why do we do this? Why do we forego our true selves to satisfy others? It's crazy, and it's something that I know I can't do any longer.

I agree with John Eldredge, whom Lisa quotes from "The Sacred Romance", in that "if we aren't aware of our soul's deep thirst, his offering means nothing." We need to get in tune with what it is that we really need so that we can allow God to complete us through His offering, which was His only Son, and also His love for us. In saying that, forget the line from Jerry Maguire; no human being can complete you, only faith in our Heavenly Father and Jesus, who died for us, can.

We crave because we are empty on the inside. That's why the verse, "What you're after is truth from the inside out." - Psalm 51:6 (MSG), is so true. My craving is to be loved, to feel worthwhile, appreciated, wanted, valuable and valued. I sought love and acceptance from others as a means to satisfy that craving but was dealt many negative blows. I've been hurt and have the scars to show it. I put myself in danger physically and emotionally. The positives from all this, however, is that I've learnt that only God's love can satisfy my craving - my need for the "truth from the inside out". He is all I need.

After reading Proverbs 16:26 from the NLT, where it says, "It is good for workers to have an appetite; an empty stomach drives them on.", I believe that God instilled in us the desire - the emotional craving - to feel wanted and accepted thus making it possible for us to be tripped up along the way and lose our authentic selves. I may be wrong, but it's almost like it's His safeguard, a protection if you like, maybe an insurance policy, that we will yearn to seek Him more to satisfy our craving to be loved and accepted. He is all we need after all! Is it His reminder to us?

I'm reminded of the line from "Bridget Jones's Diary" where Mark Darcy says that he likes Bridget just the way she is. Wouldn't it be great if we could all go through life knowing that we were liked just the way we are. We wouldn't have to feel that because we laugh a bit too loud, take 30 seconds or more to catch up on the joke, or sometimes don't see the forest for the trees, that it's not OK; that we're still an alright person despite those foibles?!?! I know that it would make my life a lot easier if I could just do and be all these things without having to justify myself.

I like how truths have come along in my life to give me necessary wake up calls. They haven't always been initially welcome, but they have come to make me the person I am today; a better person that who I was yesterday, last week, last month, and last year. Some truths can hurt and be the "catalyst for us to become a mere shell of who we really are beneath all of the fluff", as Lisa so aptly puts it, but some truths can also be the unleashing of our true selves, which is what God wants us to be.

I long to become the authentic Paula that I know I should be. Striving to live a godly life while raising a child alone, and as well as working in a secular environment, one of the things I struggle with is maintaining consistency in being the real me, not that I entirely know who she is at this point in time, and may never really do so until I reach heaven. Who am I really? Which is my natural demeanour? I know that it's the one in which I feel most comfortable with. I do pray that God will quieten my heart, and develop a more relaxed spirit in me as that is the Paula whom I like best. I want to be Peaceful and Patient Paula, not Pithy and Petulant Paula, as I can sometimes be.

I pray that through this study, God will guide me and show me who the real Paula is. I ask that my heart, mind and spirit be open to change and truth; to be changed by truth actually; the truth from God. His truth is the only truth that matters after all.

I am thankful for and excited about this study. The first chapter has opened up my thinking channels and I'm ready to receive some new ideas. I looked at a photo of myself tonight on my page and was taken aback. I'm not sure why, but maybe it was God telling me to take a real look at my photo, to see the girl that's there. It's almost like He was saying, "This is you Paula, this is the real you and don't be surprised by that." I know He was telling me that He loves me…just the way I am.

Thank you, dear Lord, for giving me the opportunity to be involved in this study. Authenticity and being real are so very important, and especially in the lives of Christians, as we are your living and breathing examples. Thank you for the insights gained from the chapter one; and thank you for Lisa and Lelia. Without these two ladies, I would not have had it confirmed that I don't need anyone or anything except you to complete me! In Your Wonderful Name, Amen.

One More Sleep...

Yes, one more sleep for me here in Australia until it's Yes to God Tuesday! The time difference will do my head in, so I'll just wait for the lovely Lelia to publish her post and then I can do mine. For those of you who are curious about this, please click on the button on my right side-bar, which will take you to Lelia's page or click here to go straight to the sign-up post on Lelia's page.

I'm looking forward to this study as it is my very first online Bible study. The book we're studying is "Behind Those Eyes" by Lisa Whittle and I've already ready chapter one and am currently working my way through the Bible study chapter. I'm certainly giving my brain, heart and spirit a workout, which is just what I need.

Check back in a couple of days for Day 1 and Chapter 1!