Blogtoberfest 2014: Day 5 - When You Meet Your Tribe

I'm a bit of a hermit, which I quite openly admit to. I have never been part of a group of female friends who hang out together, have weekend getaways, and do Bible study together. While I have longed for it at times, it has never happened. Lately it has become a recurring theme. One that rises up periodically and I feel anxious about. So, I decided to ask God why that was the case, to which He replied that I am not supposed to be part of a group like that. I asked Him what it is then that I am supposed to be a part of. He told me to wait.

Yesterday the wait came to an end when I found my tribe. A tribe of women from all parts of both hemispheres. A tribe of women who are all travelling on a similar journey to me. A tribe of women who have decided that going to church while still loving Jesus isn't what they need. Yes, you read that right. Not going to church. Still loving Jesus. It's what is referred to as being a free-ranging Christian. My new tribe. 

It's taken me over 18 months to get to this point. I had been attending church regularly for over six and half years prior to that. Three churches actually. "Church hopping" as it was once referred to in a conversation with a friend. A reference that irked me at the time, and still irks me now because it's not about the church. It's about my relationship with Jesus. And that's why I am now a free-range Christian. I don't feel part of the current church establishment. I find it overwhelming. I find it suffocating. And after a revelation from God a number of years back, I find that the practise of devoting oneself entirely to one church and all its activities takes away from the true purpose that Jesus came to earth to live out as our example.

I grew up going to church and the church I attended as a child and teen was my home. I have very fond memories of this church and the relationship I had with everyone there, my involvement, and what I learned there. I miss it actually. I miss the fact that it was small and everyone knew each other and it was home. I think this fact alone has had a huge influence on why I have never felt completely part of a new church. Too big. Too many cliques. Too focused on this or that. You get the drift. 

Of the churches I have attended recently, I do have one particular church that I would still like to attend from time to time. It is because when I attended there I did not feel overwhelmed or suffocated, or alone for that matter. It is still a church establishment by today's standards, but Jesus is there. And I need Jesus more than I need to be a member of one particular church. More than I need to rock up and serve every Sunday. More than I need to devote my time to other Christians when there are so many others in my circle that need Jesus more.

From where I'm sitting right now while typing this, I have a 10 year old who needs Jesus. Looking out my window there are neighbours that need Jesus. When hanging out with my non-Christian friends I see a need for Jesus. And not a "let's invite you to church so you can meet Jesus" type thing. A tangible "Paula is a Christian but is still a really cool person to hang out with and respects who I am and accepts me for who I am and what I do" type Jesus. 

So, getting back to my new tribe. It's a group of women from around the globe who are all free-ranging Christians. Who have all had experiences that have resulted in them either leaving the church establishment or adjusting their views on theology, or both. And I am really thankful for this new group of kindred thinkers. I can be myself and not feel that I don't fit in. I can express my views without them being negated just because I am not doing what "everyone else" is doing. 

I am doing what God wants me to do. I am exactly where I am supposed to be today. I am closer to myself and God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit than I have ever been before. And it's good. It's home. And I have a tribe.

In Him Always,

Paula 

Thirty Years

Today, 30 years ago, I became a Christian. I openly declared that by shedding His blood on the cross, Jesus paid for all my past, present and future sins. But this year my Freedom Birthday means much more that just saying that I gave my heart to Jesus. This year it means more.

As some friends close to me would know, I haven't been to church much over the last two years. I've attended three churches in the last eight years and while I grew in my faith and discovered a lot about myself, I also found that I lost part of myself along the way. Now, I'm not wanting to bag any of the churches I've attended. They each served a purpose in God's grand plan for me as a Christian. But I'm now at a point where I need to be alone to hear what exactly it is that God has planned for me. I need stillness. I need quiet.

"You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realising who you are at the deepest level." - Thomas Merton

http://www.kylerichardson.com.au/

This quote adequately describes where I am at right at this very moment. I've tried to fit in, add new things, remove old things, and generally fluff my way through. Now, however, I've reached the point where I need to take what I have before me right now - motherhood, university study, homelife, friends, family - and build on those things. I truly believe God does not want me to have the added responsibility of anything else at this moment. He wants me to concentrate on what He has given me, and to concentrate on Him. 

So that is why this year's Freedom Birthday, aside from being my 30th, is so very important. God is trusting me to go out on my own, with Jesus by my side, to forge out my own faith journey. To free-range. To discover, To grow. To not settle on doing what everyone else is doing, but to find out where and what is the right fit for me. The journey will certainly be interesting.

In Him Always,

Paula

It's Not That I Don't Like Church...

I have attended my church about four times since the beginning of March this year. It's not that I don't like going to church, I do. But I feel as though, with both the churches I've chosen to attend over the last 7 years, something is missing. That I don't fit in with the current day demographic.

Maybe I do. Maybe it's just me. But for now, I am an occasional church attender but a full time Jesus loving, prayer slinging, God worshipping Bible studying girl.

I have other friends who are on this exact same journey. And, recently, I've learnt that there are many, many people around the world that are experiencing the same type of questioning. I don't know what the answer is to the questioning I am doing about attending church, but I know the One who does. I also know He will provide me with the answer in His time.

I attended a small church in my home town between the ages of nine and 18. I attended then taught Sunday School. I stood up front and sang in the little 3 girl "choir". I went to Girl's Rally on a Friday night, and to Youth Group on a Saturday night. I diligently studied my Bible and wrote down notes during the sermon (which I still do!). I learnt, I grew, I loved being a Christian and attending church. That stopped when I turned 18 and discovered the freedom that comes from being "legal". Then I stopped attending church altogether. Stopped reading my Bible. Just stopped.

I graced a church building only a few times over the next 18 years. First to get married to the man I had no business marrying, then to attend weddings, funerals, and christenings. My return to church came 18 years later as a lost 36 year old single mum who answered the yearning in her heart. The yearning that had been whispering to me over those 18 years.

Since that time I've been attending church regularly except for this year. Something changed in March. Maybe it was going to Hillsong's women's conference Colour where I felt somewhat overwhelmed at times, and started questioning why. Maybe it was God telling me that He isn't just about mass services of unity, that it's about Him. Maybe He was telling me that my life needed a shake up so I could do more for Him and not just myself.

Whatever the reason, despite not attending church, I do miss the closeness that I remember feeling from my childhood church given that the church I now call home, and the previous church, are what are termed as "large" churches, ie 1000 plus people attending every session.

Don't get me wrong. I am not bagging going to a church, whether it be small, large or mega. What I am having difficulty with, and have done so for a few years now, (which is also one of the reasons I changed churches), is this. We go TO the church building, we mix WITH the church people, and we focus ON the church life. My question has and is, "Wasn't the church created, as we read in Acts, so we GO out into the world and share the gospel of Jesus?"

Yes, it was. Our direction seems to have become askew.

But I see how God is changing that. We are seeing more and more people from within churches GOing out and being Jesus. Mixing with the prostitutes, the drug addicts, the murderers, and the thieves. Taking greater risks and encountering more resistance thah has even been encountered before. We are seeing more and more people from within churches GOing out and putting their lives on the line for "the likes of these". Being the only Jesus that some will ever see in their entire lives.

When God spoke to me about this, He reminded me that I don't need a big or "trendy" mission field. I only needed to look at what - who - was right in front of me: my daughter, my family, my friends, my work colleagues, and so on. I feel that I have failed to "be Jesus" in many of these areas since then, but looking back at where I was spiritually, emotionally and mentally, God wanted me to grow and heal before I could help others. The process has been long and hard, but I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel, and He is still working on me.

So, for the time being I will continue to be kind to myself, to grow and to heal, while also looking out for those around me where and when I can. Looking out for those in my circle. Those who probably need to know Jesus more right now than those who I walk by in the church building.

I will continue to look toward the light that is The Son. I will follow in His direction and ensure that my direction does not become askew and misaligned.. And one day, when He is ready to send me back, I will return to church. A church of His choosing, not just one that is "up the road" and convenient.

Do.Be.Love – An Interview with Me!

Do.Be.Love.

I'm honoured to be featured at Exemplify Online this week to conclude the Do.Be.Love series. The lovely Kristen Schiffman interviews me on being a single mother in the church; how the church can help single mothers, how family and friends can help, and how, as a single mum, can make life simpler.

I've listened to the interview again today, and since Kristen and I recorded the interview a month or so ago, I have had a rough few weeks and have had friends rally around me. One friend, who I mention in the interview, is actually picking Jasmine up from school, getting her to do her homework, and cooking us dinner! This friend is also helping me clean up around my house this weekend so I can start getting more organised and also simplify around the house more.

And as I write this post, a Facebook friend in the US is pondering what she can do to help single mothers in her church. God is amazing how He uses one person to help another, even across an ocean.

I hope you can take 30 minutes out of your day to listen to my interview. You too may come away with some ideas on how you can help a single mother in your life.

Click HERE to listen to the interview.

Joplin, Missouri...

Twenty Eleven has brought about some major disasters.  From floods here in Queensland, to earthquakes in Christchurch and Japan, to tornadoes in the USA.  The latest tragedy is the tornado that hit Joplin, Missouri on the 23rd of May.

I cannot comprehend the loss involved in such an event, or any of the disasters that have occurred this year.  Carlos Whittaker and Crosspoint.tv have been able to comprehend it.  They went there and helped out with the Mobile Hope Center.

Here is video footage that was taken during their days in Joplin.  We really have no idea.

What Connecting Means...

I’ve been going to my church – Citipointe – for almost four years. I have made some wonderful friends at church and I look forward to seeing them every week. It took me a while to get connected in the church, but I feel that God left me to find my feet with Him before connecting me with others. The purpose behind this, I believe, was so that I could live through my difficult time with Him and learn from Him so I could bless others, as I’m doing now. His ways are mysterious, but it’s only when looking back at how the last four years have panned out, I can see His mark all over my life!

I remember a pastor at church saying a few years back that “we are all exactly today where we are meant to be”. I’ve held onto that and it’s certainly helped me through some rough patches. In contemplating life as a single mother and knowing that I’ve made some bad choices; reminding myself that God has had my life under His control has made the journey bearable.

What does all this mean as far as connecting goes? Well, it means that almost five years down the track from separating from my daughter’s father and becoming a single mum, or solo parent as I prefer to be called, I am most definitely exactly where I am meant to be. I am now co-leading a women’s connect group at church, and I am also a referral point for new single mums at church.

Praise God for His planning! Two years ago I knew that God had something planned for me, and He told me what it was. Today I am doing it. I never had the confidence back then, but now I do. I didn’t think I’d be able to talk with women and provide encouragement, but now I do. It’s called connecting. And it’s what I know in my heart God planned for me to do...right from birth.

Some would say that living the life I have over the last twenty years seems a cruel way for someone to find their calling. But when you think about it, how else is someone going to better help others than to live through hard times? I made some poor choices, but in hindsight, those choices now serve a grander purpose, and that is sharing what God truly intended for my life, and for how God wants other women to live their lives.

God’s glory and magnificence shines through in my life in so many areas. From raising a child alone, to dealing with depression and anxiety, to providing for us; His hand is on all of it. I was told recently that even though I had not walked with God for the latter half of my life, I was never out of His grasp. This is true. Without Him keeping me at arm’s length, and even pulling me out of danger on occasion, I would not be the witness I am now.

So, connecting is an important aspect of my life now. From a self-professed hermit to a connector, I think God has done a good thing in me. I look for opportunities to help and bless people, and I love it!

Goodbye Egypt...

Friday Night Church for me was very emotional. It was the first time I'd been to church since there was a major change to my life circumstances. It was also a night where I knew I'd receive another truthful and relevant Word from God.

FNC was a must given that Jasmine was peachy keen to go but more importantly it was part two of a six week series on Egypt. Last week's message was "A Stranger in a Foreign Land" and the pastor talked about Joseph. This week the preach was titled "Goodbye Egypt". How apt given that I have said goodbye (on a partner level) to someone who is still very dear to me, and always will be!

As it's way passed my bed time here, I will only cover some points of the message:

• When you're exiting, don't analyse things, don't reason, just use faith!
• You know you have to leave when your heart recognises there is more and you need to get out.
• Without leaving, there is no arrival!
• Ignorance, familiarity and safety are common place for those who don't want to grow and go.
• Don't get disconnected from community or a covering. These things will ensure you don't misinterpret the Word.
• If there is no flow, there is no grow!
• Don't lose the fear of God. Remember that Aslan is NOT a pet lion. Don't tease the lion!
• Don't get trapped because life is safe. Don't let go of your dreams.
• Don't become slaves to things that keep you in bondage, ie fashion, opinions of others, etc.
• Remember that He who the Son sets free is free indeed! (John 8:36)
• If you take your eyes off God, you will return to the world and the limitations of man.
• We don't need bitterness, just the sweetness of the Spirit of God.
• Ask yourself if selfishness has kept the world in me?
• Don't let trappings get in between you and God; they are not required.
• Seek first the kingdom of God, not the trappings, not the extras. (Matthew 6:33)

You just know when the Lord is speaking to you when you rock up to church two Friday nights in a row and get JUST. WHAT. YOU. NEED!

Thank You Heavenly Father for blessing me with Your Word tonight. Thank you to Pastors Rick and Mike for sharing the messages that I needed to hear when I needed to hear them. I pray that I will be look to You first for guidance when times get tough in my walk, especially now. I pray that I will remain in Your presence and not replace You with someone or something that cannot meet my most intimate needs. Thank You in Jesus' Wonderful Name, Amen.

PS: And yes, three posts in one day means that I have a lot on my mind. Please pray for clarity, strength and peace.