Monday, 14 March 2011

Discovering My True Identity...

(Photo credit to Anna-Claire Photography © 2010)
During my life I’ve been known as Julie and Russell’s daughter, Jamie and Anthony’s sister, Ron’s wife, Paul’s girlfriend, E’s partner and Jasmine’s mum. Finally, it seems, I am discovering who I am as me...Paula - God’s daughter, Jesus’ beloved and... Jasmine’s mum.

It’s a surreal feeling to NOT be somebody’s ‘other half’; to not be one half of a couple. For the last 22 years that’s who I have been. I’ve always, give or take a few months here and there, had a significant other. You know the great news now though? My significant other now is THE Significant Other; The One worthy of capital letters in every instance where His name is mentioned.

I sometimes get a longing inside when I see a couple sharing a loving word or touch. I often feel that pang when I read on Twitter or Facebook that a wife is excited because her husband will be home soon, and so on. The feeling doesn’t last long, and once I get back into my usual routine and start doing what I like to do, ie spending ALL day in bed reading, sleeping, watching movies, etc, then I think that it isn’t such a bad thing. And I seem to then always ask myself THAT question...

Am I meant to walk alone?

The Apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7 how it is good for a woman to be married, but also how it is good for her not to be. With my track record, I’m thinking that the latter sounds pretty good! But seriously, I have started asking God that question a lot lately.

Am I meant to talk alone? Am I meant to stay single for the remainder of my days to bring Him glory? Or does He have a man – a good Christian man – out there waiting for me?

These are tough questions to ask because only He knows the answer, but I’m going to put my trust in Him.

He’s led me to where I am now; has broken me, restored me and made me new.

My heart has been broken and He has put it back together again. He has taken me to a new level of faith and trust where I no longer believe the lies of the enemy. He has shown me believe HIS facts and not MY feelings is the only way that I am going to grow in faith. He has provided me stability in the shape of a little white circle and trusting friends who stick by my side. And He has reminded me who my true valentine is.

Is He preparing me for my future husband by teaching me how to be discerning in love? Or is He taking me to a place of complete wellness so I can serve Him without distraction?

Only God knows my true identity. He keeps giving me flashes of who she is. He keeps strengthening me and building my character. Words can’t express my thanks and my love for Him that He loves me THAT much!