I've been learning how to embrace silence a lot over the last month. No influx of emails to divert my attention away from whatever and whoever is in front of me. No spending time with a lot of people, instead just spending time with my daughter and a very limited few others.
Embracing silence has been something that I've had to learn, and am still learning about. Commotion is no longer my friend.
Those that know me very well know that I need to hibernate often. I probably could live as a hermit, but I know that I do need a certain amount of interaction with people. I found out how much interaction I need the other day when getting results back from a personality test that my psychologist had me do.
The results were very interesting. I am a "moody and explosive" person. I won't deny that; I am. But I have now learned why and how I can better adapt myself for certain situations. One of the discoveries is that while I do appreciate company, I am NOT one of those people who can handle having people around ALL the time. (Yay...validation for my hibernation status at last!)
I said to a friend recently that I've been learning how to be me lately. Then I reworded it to say that I've had to learn who I am so I can be me. As I wrote about in my last post I've always "been" someone's somebody. But now I am just Paula - God's daughter, Jesus' beloved and Jasmine's mum. And I like that. To do that I had to seriously cut back on my social engagements, including church and home group. I've had to teach myself how to be satisfied with my own company. For too many years I kept busy with others to avoid myself; but no more. Now that I actually like myself, I just want to hang out with me more.
I know that I'll slowly be able to integrate more in time, but for the moment God has me in a place - our place - where He is teaching me who Paula is. He is showing me the delights of my childhood and youth again. He is helping me to recover from the years that the locusts took away.
As Elijah discovered, God did not show Himself in a dramatic way; He came in a whisper. To hear a whisper properly there must be silence. So that is why I am embracing silence. The only words I hear are His loving words in my heart reminding me of my dreams, my talents and my worth.
Embracing silence has not been an easy thing, but I have been able to do it. And I like it so much that I am going to spend some more time in this state of silence to see what else God reveals to me.