I'm on a journey. It's a journey that I started over a year ago. The terrain on this journey was flat and steady for the first six months. Then a bolt from out of the blue hit the road and I encountered a bump. About a month after that another one. Then consistently up until just last week the road got steeper, with more bumps, a couple of detours and then what feels like a dead end.
I enjoyed travelling the road...when it was easy going. The last nine months? No...not as enjoyable. But the positive side to this bumpy journey? I have survived it. My final destination - which is to exit the wilderness I've been in as far as my confidence, etc goes - is still about 8 weeks away but I am now on the road that God chose for me. His road. The narrow road.
What has this got to do with healing a broken heart? Well...my heart was broken when the bolt from out of the blue hit about nine months ago. Trust in my travelling companion was shaken. My journey was disrupted. What I had come to believe was a special journey became not so special. There was a blotch on the road map. One that couldn't easily be erased.
I've had my heart broken a number of times in my life. I've looked for love in the wrong places and I have paid the price. "The scars of life" was what my ex-husband would call cuts that had healed but left a mark. The same can be said for the marks that have been left on my heart. I don't think my heart ever properly healed after it was first broken. Then I let it happen again and again and again. I won't keep typing the word "again", as having to read so many "agains' won't make for an interesting blog post!
My journey over the last 9 months has resulted in me being slowly restored. A lot of my restoration has come just from this Easter weekend. Good Friday was spent at home not feeling well because of an ill chosen dinner selection the night before. Just knowing that it was the day when my Saviour hung on a cross and bled and died for me...well, it made my pain a little easier to bear.
Saturday evening - after a rather upsetting afternoon caused by my fruit grower - was the real beginning of my restoration after spending time with friends. Restoration came not through feeling sorry for myself; it came from putting the afternoon behind me and enjoying the fellowship of other Christians.
Today - Resurrection Sunday - gave me the opportunity again to spend time with Christian friends and to marvel in the grace that has been bestowed upon me through Jesus dying on the cross and then rising again. He did it for me...to heal my broken heart...to restore my dignity...to find my worth...and to fall even further in love with Him.
He sat next to me today in church; Jesus the Gentleman. He's visited me in church before, standing in front of me as I worshipped Him. But today He sat next to me during communion. I could feel His presence as I pondered what it meant to partake of His body and blood. Looking back now I realise that He was restoring my heart with His body - covering up my wounds - and pouring His blood into my heart for it to beat more strongly and steadily for Him.
I came home from church this evening a changed woman. I spent time with a lady of whom I consider a dear and trusted friend. We have known each other for over 25 years, but have only become close recently. But, she is the one who, during my journey over the last nine months, provided me with my first breakthrough as to the power of God and my lack thereof.
God IS healing my broken heart. He sent Jesus to die on the cross and to rise from the dead over 2000 years ago so that my heart could be healed now. He sent fruit growers and bolts from out of the blue into my life to help me wake up to the fact that I so desperately need Him. He sent friends into my life to help restore my dignity and to take away the guilt and shame I've felt for so long about events that have occurred in my life. He sent special people - gifts - into my life to provide comfort and support when I needed them most. These gifts have also provided me with great trials, but despite the heartache I still love and appreciate these people.
Thank You Heavenly Father for taking me on the journey that I'm on. Thank You, in spite of the pain and heartache, that I have grown into the woman I am today - Your Princess - and that I will continue to grow. May the lessons I have learnt be a blessing to others just as my friends and gifts have been a blessing to me. In Jesus' Mighty Name, Amen.
A postscript verse just found now via Zondervan Daily Bible Verse and so approriate for this post -
"In [Christ] we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace." - Ephesians 1:7 (NIV)