Monday, 30 May 2011

Keep Love Sacred...

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Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right.

The “young woman” in Solomon’s book tells the other young women of Jerusalem to keep love sacred until the right time.  “Not to awaken love until it is ready.”  What love is she talking about?

She is talking about the physical connection between a man and woman.  She is talking about the physical desire that is met when a man and woman have sexual relations with each other.  She is talking about the prize that God wants His children to experience. The prize that He wants us to receive after we have courted each other, become betrothed, and then married in front of God and man, and in keeping with the laws of the day. It is the culmination of man and woman joining; first by talking together, spending time together and experiencing life together; all while getting to know each other before joining as one in marriage and in flesh.

The mistake that is made – that I made – was physically joining with another before even getting to know them. What I didn’t know, and what many young girls and women of all ages don’t know is that we bond emotionally with a man when that happens. We may not know him, but we have formed a bond. As women we can feel that having sexual relations with a man will fill the emotional need that we’re lacking, but it won’t. Only the love of God can so that.

So, a relationship doesn’t work out after we’ve given it our all, literally, and we part. But then we wonder why we can’t move on. It’s because we, as women, have given part of ourselves to men. We allow men inside our core – literally. This giving of ourselves has a many-sided effect. We physically join with a man through sex, and unbeknown to many of us, we also join spiritually and mentally, as well as emotionally.

We’re thriving on “happy love and acceptance hormones”. But that may only for a while until reality sets in, and in a lot of cases it then wears off. We then feel a longing in ourselves again. An empty void. That longing is the seed of God’s love for us calling to us for reciprocation. That is our subliminal and natural desire – our inbuilt longing – for a relationship with God crying out.

God knew exactly what He was doing when He made us. He gave us commands for living for a reason. He told us to only join with another after marriage because He wanted us, and still wants us, to join as one under Him, through Him and with Him. Not just to feel accepted by another and to fulfil a physical need.

God also wanted us, and still wants us, to love Him first and foremost. I learned this the difficult way. I did things back to front. I’ve now learned a valuable lesson from my misguided attempts to feel loved. So much so, that the outcome has been this:

“In the quest for love I found true love in my Maker.”

Twelve words that tell of my heart’s condition now. I am still on a journey where God He is mending my broken heart. I’ve written how my heart is now a mosaic. He has pieced it back together, but there are still pieces that won’t settle back into place. God has the mortar to do that. I just need to let Him have my pieces to mend.

Giving God open access to mend your heart is all you can do after you’ve given yourself away before the time was right. I am living proof of that. Almost 41 years of age and a single mother with a few broken relationships behind me. But God is making me new. He has taught me the lesson, and has been by my side throughout it all.

My advice to all women is to stick close to God at all times. When you feel yourself weakening, when you feel tempted, when it hurts like crazy and you just feel like one time won’t matter ... stick close to God. The longing will go away. He will see to it. Please don’t make my mistake by giving away all that you have before you are really ready to.


  1. Thanks for sharing your heart Paula. I am so grateful that the Lord has come and filled your empty places and that He will heal and sustain you. God's boundaries are for our best. The sooner we "get that" the better. His grace is amazing at whatever stage though. Working ALL out for good. Our God. <3 Glad you are sharing that truth. :)
    God's abundant blessings to you sister!

  2. Hi Paula. I love what you said at the end...stick close to God at all times... IT IS the only way to heal and overcome. Lovely post Paula.
    God bless

  3. Well said Miss Paula!!!!

    love Janet xxx

  4. Yes, it is important to learn prior to making that commitment what's involved. Many never learn. Great teaching post.

  5. Awesome post. I too have done things back the front but now see the reason why God asked us to do it His way, as picking up the pieces from the mess we have made takes a lot of time. Something I have wanted to do is be able to talk to my children with more understanding and more of God than what I received as a emerging adult. My perception was that God wanted us to be with one person but I never understood the deeper reasons behind this. The ties made, lives entwined and hearts meshed together. I know that God uses everything that happens for good and I thank Him for people like you that are prepared to stand up in this time and be counted with His values and principles.

  6. Thanks for sharing from your heart.
    You have so much wisdom to share with women who have done things back to front, or who are contemplating sex before marriage. I love that God can use our mistakes to help others :)
    Bless you