I was going to offer up a whingy and straight from the heart post about why I felt in a slump today, but the more I wrote, the more I realised that it would do me, nor you, no good. It would not truly reflect how I've been feeling today, not would it be productive. The people and circumstances that contributed towards my slump are irrelevant in the scheme of things, as I realise that it's my reaction to these things that really matters.
So, as I left my daughter with her dad and his family this morning, feeling in my slump and all, I decided that I was going to have a day out at the art gallery and enjoy some time alone, away from home. I decided that I would not let the reactions and expectations of one person put a dampner on what could be a great day.
And I'm glad I did.
God blessed me with a visually inspiring day that delighted my soul.
God blessed me with a goal achieving day, even if it was just catching the bus home from a different stop.
God blessed me with getting out in the fresh air to remind me that while I am alone I need not feel lonely.
God blessed me with the ability to keep going despite the fact that all I wanted to do was be at home curled up in a ball in bed crying.
Yes, such is the life of someone dealing with depression and anxiety. After an anxiety filled morning, a sudden shift in mood due to another person's relentless and unrealistic expectation of me, and the disappointment of feeling that I wasn't respected, I was ready to let the "black dog" take away my joy.
I'm so glad I went to the art gallery and spent a good 2 hours delighting in artists from years, decades and centuries gone by.
I'm so glad I remembered that it's my reaction inside that resonates more than the circumstances without.
I'm so glad that I pushed passed the pain and hurt and delighted in what God had pre-planned for me to enjoy.
I'm so glad I changed my mind.