Not doing what I want to do and doing what God wants me to do...that is obedience.
Leaving my desires at the door and following what is right in God's eyes...that is obedience.
Crying myself to sleep at night and knowing that God will comfort me...that is obedience.
Longing for someone that I can't have and praying for God to ease the pain...that is obedience.
Feeling weak and feeble but knowing that in Him I am brave and strong...that is obedience.
Wishing that the pain would go away and knowing that one day it will...that is obedience.
I don't hide the fact that I am hurting. I miss someone that was very special to me a lot...and I mean A LOT. My heart aches at my loss. But God knows my hurt. He feels it. He's shown me how much He hurts by it. That comforts me. That keeps me obedient.
I don't understand, or can even comprehend, how God is going to help me out of the place I am at now, but I know that He will. With every pain and ache that my heart and soul feels, I know I am being strengthened. With every tear that falls, I know that He is collecting them for me.
God has never left me. God has never decided that I need to learn a lesson. God has never thought an angry thought about me. God has never lied to me. And most importantly, God has never betrayed me or abandoned me. That is why I am obedient to Him.
Obedience has led me to where I am now in my life. Obedience will continue to lead me to where God wants me to be. I know He is no where finished with me yet. I know that there are better things to come.
This year has been my Year of Vision. God gave me a glimpse of it over 18 months ago. He made the vision clearer at the beginning of 2010. That vision is obedience. Forsaking my earthly longing and desires to obediently follow where He wants to lead me.
That is what obedience is.