Friday, 5 November 2010

Blamed and Broken...

In my daily life I often hear the words, "They always blame...", or "I blame...", or "This doesn't happen because {insert name of person to be blamed }..." and so on. This gets really depressing after a while. Now, I'm not innocent of this. I have often blamed other people and things for why I am like I am and why I have done some of the things I've done. As complaining is something that God doesn't like, I'm learning to look at the "blame game" in a whole different light.

Avoiding the "blame game" involves empathising with the other person and imagining what it would be like to walk in their shoes. It also involves looking inwardly at what barriers are there that inhibit YOU being able to just let go. That's all blame is...not understanding another person's situation and also not being able to let go of something that has subsequently built up a high level of resentment within you.

How do I come at this rationalisation? It's because, as I said above, I am not innocent of playing the "blame game".

Take the issue of rejection. I could blame my parents having another child when I was 9 years of age. I could blame my first serious boyfriend for dumping me over the phone for another chick. I could blame my ex-husband for having affairs and leaving me. I could blame, and blame, and blame. Yes, all these things have contributed to my "issues" over the years, but I am NOT going to blame these events, or the people involved, for who I am today.

Every negative situation in life, whether it is an argument, a misunderstanding, or a falling out, occurs because of an underlying need in one or both of the parties involved. A disagreement may start out over something trivial that escalates into something more. The "something trivial" then gets forgotten, the past gets brought up, the name calling/unnecessary banter begins and then more emotional damage is done than wanted or needed. And what has this achieved? Has the original issue been resolved? No, it's achieved nothing and the original issue still stands as unresolved. Hearts are wounded, relationships made more tense, and all parties are back at way down the track from square one!

Life is one big learning curve. It can either make you or break you. I’ve chosen the former, and I’ve chosen to do life with the One that will ensure that I don’t break. By break, I mean as in become completely crumbled and shattered. To be broken, however, is a good thing to occur. It’s like when a horse is broken. Old habits are lost, new habits instilled, and obedience established. Just like with coming to God. He, in His loving kindness, forgives us of our old habits, instils new habits and welcomes obedience by showing us the benefits of it of being broken and tamed.

I’ve been broken, shamed, blamed and more in life. I have blamed others, treated others badly and not always done the right thing. God forgives me of this as He knows that I am a new person – as I do – by the blood of Jesus who died for all these things in my life and for me.

Let yourself be broken…let yourself see into the core of your being; the whys and wherefores of how you feel. Forgive yourself, forgive others. Love yourself, love others. The “blame game” will stop then. You will be able to look at yourself in your new and renewed state and you will like and love who you see. This will then allow for more fulfilling relationships and life experiences. Try it. I am and it’s great!


  1. Paula, you said: "God forgives me of this as He knows that I am a new person – as I do – by the blood of Jesus who died for all these things in my life and for me."

    I'm in total and complete agreement. I claim it through eternity! Praise GOD!

  2. Ah the blame game.....I know it well! It's been happening since Adam blamed Eve and then Eve blamed the serpent. You are so right - the only way to stop the blame game is to be broken. xo