Saturday, 10 April 2010

Relationship Knots...

While brushing knots out of my little chick’s very curly hair tonight, I thought on how hair maintenance, especially with curls, is very similar to how we should maintain our relationships.

I chatted with the man I miss the most this evening for over an hour. We discussed some of the issues surrounding our relationship and where it is at now. It’s become evident to me since brushing Jasmine’s hair that some knots were allowed to form in our relationship due to lack of maintenance. The limitations that arise from living across a very huge expanse of water from each other caused some knots to form. But looking at things from a different angle this evening it made me realise that we both could have done a lot of things differently. We could have both undertaken some relationship maintenance.

Jasmine’s hair requires lots of conditioner to keep it soft; a relationship requires lots of love, attention, understanding and compromise to keep it flexible and dependable. Jasmine’s hair requires a leave-in conditioning spray to help with combing out the knots; a relationship requires extra ‘leave-in’ attention so that any miscommunication or disagreements can be sorted out; an unseen covering, if you like.

Aside from just conditioner and leave-in conditioning spray, her hair needs a thorough shampooing. A relationship is the same; it needs to be kept clean so that it doesn’t get stinky, dirty and unkempt. Jasmine’s hair also needs to be tied up daily for school, or when she is doing things on the weekends where her hair will get in the way (can you say scissors?!). Relationships, again, are the same. They need to be moved out of the way at times when dealing with some of life’s other issues. For example, in a married with children setting, the husband may have to “tie up” his needs if the wife is required to care for a sick child or relative.

I hope you see where I’m coming from with this. A relationship, just like a head of hair of any length (but especially very curly girlie hair!) needs regular – daily – maintenance and care. If it doesn’t get it then the process of unravelling the knots can get pretty uncomfortable for the person whose head the hair is on. Some hair may need to be cut off (like tonight) to get rid of an ugly knot that will just not come out from brushing. Relationships are the same. Some regular brushing up is required. There may also be some ‘cutting off’ required in certain areas so that the relationship can grow better.

Maintaining relationships is the core of human existence. If we neglect our relationships, if we don’t give them the attention they require to grow and prosper, then they will just end up a knotted mess. God wants us to be in relationship with not only Him, but also the people in our lives, whether they be close or just casual acquaintances and work colleagues. Life is about relationships and loving each other; sharing God’s love through constant maintenance.

How is your hair? And how are your relationships in comparison? Does your hair get better attention than your relationships? These are some interesting points to ponder. I know they certainly are for me!

Happy brushing and detangling!


  1. How creative and interesting you are Paula! I love how you used the example of Jasmine's hair to compare our need to care for our relationships. Very clever and true.

    Sometimes those we love the most are taken for granted. Being married for 25 years has had ups and downs. Anyone who claims to live in marital bliss is lying. Btw, that's just my two cents. How do you live with someone and not have some differences?

    But the core is love and the desire on both parties to work at the relationship. It also helps if you are both on the same page spiritually. Need I say more?

    I am continuing to pray for you Paula. The Lord will make it clear to you the way you should go and He will provide comfort to you. May you also be comforted just knowing that others care about you and pray for you.

    Blessings and love,

  2. Paula,

    I can totally relate to this post. I too, like Jasmine, have very curly hair. Unattended it can became quite a mess. Just like my marriage ended up last year. God came in, my detangler if you will, and untangled the whole mess. Praise HIS Holy Name.

    Happy Sunday Paula!

  3. What a great analogy. How true that our relationships need daily maintenance...just like our hair.

    Something to really ponder on.


  4. I love this analogy! Our relationships can get so knotty if left unkempt. I know I have seen it in my own life, I will always remember this great word picture you have presented so well!

  5. I love illustrations like this. Love what you have done with comparing hair and our relationships! Wise words young lady. xo

  6. Wow this is an amazing analogy Paula - I love it!