“I am not judged by the number of times I fail, but by the number of times I succeed; and the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I can fail and keep on trying.” - Tom Hopkins
This is the quote on my 'busy women's' calendar today and it is an appropriate one for me at the moment. I feel as though I am failing in the most important role of my life; being a mother. I feel that way but know that I, in actual fact, am not. Not entirely, at least! So, this quote is a positive reminder to me that even though I have instances where I do fail, they are not as many in number as the times that I succeed!
Being a solo parent who works full-time wears me out from time to time, and I'm going through one of those phases now. I know I am doing a good job in raising my daughter, and doing the best I know how to, but it's the times when I fail that affect me the most, and that's because I fail phenomenally, or at least I think I do! This is an area that I need to pray to God about; the kind of prayer that requires a cushion to rest my knees on and a box of tissues near by so that I can unburden the anger and disappointment I feel towards myself. Yes, this is a raw, cut to the bone blog about how I really, really, REALLY dislike myself when I fail at being a parent!
Last night's quiet time with God led me to 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 where Paul talks about the thorn in his flesh. How appropriate for me to be led there! My failing as a parent is the thorn in my flesh at present, and it's also my flesh that causes me to fail. My body aches, I get tired, my head gets scrambled, and I fail. So what I need to do now is pray to God to ask that He lead me on the path where I can overcome this. I can't do it alone, and I know that for a fact. I get weak, and instead of calling on my Heavenly Father to assist, I forget that I don't have to do it all alone. It seems that it's also my memory that fails too! Another thorn!
These thorns are here so that I can learn to be glad about my weaknesses so that God can be glorified. It's all about Him after all! He reminds me of that in verse 9 - "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." As Paul found out, God isn’t going to take away my weaknesses or my thorns - at least not straight away, and perhaps not in their entirety – but He will be with me and help me to work through this latest area of development in my walk with Him.
Dear Lord, thank you for keeping me grounded and thank you for being with me through the bad times, even though I forget to call on your for strength. With each failing comes the opportunity to develop my character more so that next time I will succeed! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.